The age old debate. Abel vs. Cain.
In the red corner, representing Team Cain, weighing in at hoticered, ABELLLLLL
Aaaaand in the... teal.. corner, representing Team Abel weighing in at troppi_desideri , CAAAAAIIIIN
ABEL
*dons Abel costume*
...................
CAIN
*bones*
ABEL
do me~~~
CAIN
*extra bones*
ABEL
*slut mode: ON*
CAIN
*pushy self-centered asshole mode: ..... Always on*
ABEL
..........D<
*bitchy slut plow my butt mode: also always on*
CAIN
*ino ino*
*when you call him a bitchy slut it just turns me on more, bb*
*ooooh yeah*
ABEL
*........=_=*
CAIN
*heheheheheh*
ABEL
*can't do anything aside from moan like a whore and wiggle butt*
*dammit*
CAIN
*oh, bb. that's getting me so hot*
*the less self-respect the better*
ABEL
*grrr i hate you, but please, stick your peen in me and call my butthole a pussy, that really makes me hard*
CAIN
*does so. over and over*
U LIEK THAT?
NO. DON'T ANSWER, CUNT.
ABEL
AHHH, MY WHOREISHLY WIDE BUTTHOLE CAN BARELY TAKE IT
I HATE YOU
BUT PLEASE
CAIN
I'MMA TELL U.
ABEL
KEEP GOING
CAIN
THAT YOU DO LIKE IT.
ABEL
I DON'T
BUT I DO
SO MUCH
CAIN
I KNOW. TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU LIKE MY GIRTH.
TELL ME THAT IT'S HUGE BECAUSE I NEED REASSURANCE.
ABEL
NNNNGH I NEED IT INSIDE ME ALL THE TIME, BECAUSE ITS SO DAMN GOOD
ALLOW ME TO PRETEND I'M TOUGH
WHEN IN REALITY I'M A GIANT BITCH AND WILL ALWAYS ROLL OVER FOR YOU
CAIN
ALLOW ME TO ALSO PRETEND I'M RLYRLY TOUGH.
EVEN THOUGH I CRY AT NIGHT BECAUSE I NEVER HAD A FATHER FIGURE.
ABEL
I HAD PARENTS BUT I THREW A GIANT HISSY FIT BECAUSE THEY WOULDNT LET ME JOIN THE PEEN SPACE FORCE
SO INSTEAD I RAN AWAY AND DID IT ANYWAY
AND THEN GOT DID
CAIN
MOAN MY NAME A THOUSAND TIMES SO I CAN FEEL IMPORTANT.
ABEL
SHMAIN
OH SHMAIN
HARDER
SO HARD
EVEN THOUGH I'M INCREDIBLY WEAK
AND WILL PROBABLY BE CRYING FOR DAYS ABOUT MY SORE BUTTHOLE
NOT THAT I CAN BLAME MYSELF.
CAIN
OOOOOOOH SMABLE. I'M NOT VERY SMART.
BUT BRUTE STRENGTH AND A GUN MAKE ME FEEL LESS USELESS.
ABEL
WHEN DO WE USE GUNS, ASSHOLE?
I MEAN
CAIN
ON THE SPACE DICK.
ABEL
OHHHH SHMAIN
CAIN
WHICH I PRETEND IS AN EXTENSION OF MY OWN COCK.
BECAUSE SOMETIMES I FEEL INADEQUATE.
ABEL
I PRETEND TO BE EMBARRASSED BY YOUR MANRY EXPRESSIONS OF JACKING IT IN A SPACE SHIP
WHEN IN REALITY I FIGURE I'M GOING TO SEE THAT UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL
IN MY FAC
AND THEN GASP LIKE A SHOCKED LITTLE CUNT WHEN I SEE IT
AGAIN.
FOR THE FIRST TIME,
CAIN
I KNOW IT GETS YOU HARD. NOT REALLY.
BUT I'M GOING TO ACT LIKE I KNOW THINGS.
AND PUSH YOU ON THE PLAYGROUND.
BECAUSE I'M BIGGER THAN YOU.
ABEL
THE PLAYGROUND OF LOVE-DESU?~
YOU'RE BIGGER THAN ME DOWN THERE, TOO.
THOUGH OUR DICKS VARY IN MANY THINGS.
LIKE SNOWFLAKES.
CAIN
NO. THE PLAYGROUND OF MY-PARENTS-NEVER-HUGGED-ME.
ABEL
WELL MY PARENTS OBVIOUSLY HUGGED ME TOO MUCH
AND MAYBE MOLESTED ME. THAT COULD EXPLAIN MY WHOREISH WAYS.
PLEASE HUG ME
WITH YOUR GIANT COCK
IN MY BUTT.
SHMAIN
CAIN
IF YOU DON'T MIND, I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A BLOWJOB FIRST.
BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH I TALK BIG.
I COME REALLY FAST.
ABEL
I REALLY APPRECIATE THE BLOW JOB, THANK YOU
LET ME SHOW YOU HOW TOUGH I AM BY SCRATCHING YOUR ASS
LITERALLY.
AND THEN PANIC MOMENTARILY WHEN YOU GROWL AT ME LIKE A MAJESTIC BEAST
AND THEN POUNCE ON MY SWEET ASS LIKE A LION ON A GAZELLE
BUT NON SEXUALLY
CAIN
I'M GOING TO PUT IT IN NOW.
I'LL SLAP YOUR ASS TO DISTRACT FROM THE FACT THAT I MISSED THE FIRST TIME.
ABEL
I KNOW IT MIGHT BE CONFUSING
BUT NO, I DO NOT HAVE A VAGINA
NICE TRY, THOUGH
EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES
CAIN
OKAY. I'M LINING THIS SHIT UP.
IT'S GOING IN-
OPE.
NO.
I CAME.
ABEL
JUST HOLD ME AND WHISPER SWEET NOTHINGS INTO MY EAR ONE MORE TIME. LET ME VALUE BEING A BLUSHING CRYING VIRGIN FOR A FEW MORE MINUTES
CAIN
GO CLEAN OUT YOUR ASS FIRST.
ABEL
OKAY. I'LL GO DO THAT. AND THEN REFLECT ON WHAT A TERRIBLE DECISION THIS IS PROBABLY GOING TO TURN OUT TO BE. BUT WHATEVER, I'M AN ADULT, I CAN HAVE UNPROTECTED SPONTANEOUS BUTTSEX WITH MY COWORKER IF I WANT TO
AS LONG AS HE DOESNT TURN OUT TO BE A TRAITOR
AFTER MY ASS.
CAIN
SHUT UP. I'M TRYING TO REMEMBER ALL THE OTHER BLONDE SLUTS I'VE JERKED OFF IN FRONT OF, THEN TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF.
IT MAKES MY COCK FEEL BIGGER.
ABEL
I'M GOING TO PRETEND I'M NOT THE LEAST BIT JEALOUS BY YOUR OBVIOUS SEXUAL DEVIANCY. GOD, WAY TO BE THE PERVERBIAL DUMBASS SLUTTY BLOND, ME.
CAIN
GET. IN. THE DAMN. BED. I HAVE. A KNIFE.
ABEL
AND I HAVE A SANDWICH FOR WHEN WE'RE DONE HERE.
THOUGHT I'D MAKE IT EARLY
BUT I STILL WANT TO HEAR YOU SAY THOSE SWEET WORDS
ALSO, IS THE KNIFE YOUR COCK?
CAIN
DAMN RIGHT IT IS. I LIKE YOU. BECAUSE YOU REMIND ME THAT I'M A MAN.
ABEL
AND I LIKE YOU, BECAUSE YOU REMIND ME THAT I AM A WOMAN.
AND A SLUTTY ONE AT THAT.
WHICH ALL WOMEN ARE, IN ESSENCE.
I DONT EVEN PONDER OVER WHETHER YOU'VE BEEN IN ANY BAT CAVES.
BECAUSE THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS WOMEN OUT HERE.
IN PEEN SPACE.
CAIN
GET OVER HERE AND HOLD MY DICK WHILE WE SLEEP.
ABEL
ALLOW ME THE HONOR OF HOLDING IT WITH MY BUTTCHEEKS, PLZ.
CAIN
I MEANT WITH YOUR BUTTCHEEKS, YOU DUMBFUCK.
THAT WAS IMPLIED.
TAKE A LITERATURE CLASS.
I WOULD.
BUT I CAN'T READ.
ABEL
I'M GOING TO CRY NOW BUT CLING TO YOU LIKE A DEFLOWERED VIRGIN ON PROM NIGHT.
SATISFIED. BUT SORE.
AND INSULTED.
CAIN
GET YOUR BUTTCHEEKS AROUND THAT COCK, BITCH.
ABEL
OKAY. HOLD ON, LET ME REFLECT A BIT MORE. ANNNNNNNNND OKAY, *BUTT*
CAIN
WOW. THAT FEELS REALLY NIC- OH FUCK. I CAME AGAIN.
AND YOU'D BETTER NOT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
ABEL
OH, DON'T WORRY SWEETIE, I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING, THAT LIQUID, WELL, ITS JUST MY TEARS
I'LL CLEAN IT UP IN THE MORNING AFTER I'M DONE CRYING WHEN I REALIZE YOU'RE GONE.
CAIN
MY DAD WASN'T THERE FOR ME.
I'M NOT THERE FOR YOU.
SUCK IT UP.
NO REALLY.
SUCK UP THAT SEMEN.
THAT I PREMATURELY EJACULATED.
ABEL
YEAH, I COULD HAVE SWORN I DIDN'T DEGRADE MYSELF FURTHER BY SUCKING YOUR COCK, YET, EITHER.
LET ME JUST MOP THAT RIGHT UP FOR YOU
CAIN
WEAR SOMETHING PRETTY WHILE YOU DO IT.
ABEL
WILL THIS MAID OUTFIT PLEASE YOUR SICK, DELICIOUS FANTASIES?
CAIN
YES.
THIS IS A GOOD DISTRACTION FROM THE FACT THAT I NEED TO LAY OFF THE ROIDS AND SEE A THERAPIST.
ABEL
WE SHOULD ALSO GET TOGETHER OVER COFFEE, OR MORE LIKELY, ME BENT OVER A DESK, AND THEORIZE WHY WE DONT HAVE PUBES
CAIN
I SCARED MY FUCKING PUBES AWAY.
BECAUSE I'M A BAD BITCH.
ABEL
YOUR PERSONALITY CERTAINLY IS CHARMING ENOUGH
BUT IF YOU EVER NEED ANYONE TO WAX IT FOR YOU
I'M YOUR MAN
BECAUSE I ENJOY PLEASING OTHERS PLEASING MY BUTT.
CAIN
I NEED YOU TO SHUT UP AND DO AS YOU'RE TOLD.
ABEL
SIR, YES SIR. WOULD YOU ALSO LIKE ME TO BEND OVER?
I SWEAR TO GOD. I'M GONNA BITE THE SHIT OUT OF YOU.
ABEL
I REALLY DONT LIKE WHEN YOU DO THAT. BUT AFTER WE MAKE LOVE I'LL ACT CUTE AND TELL YOU NOT TO DO IT AGAIN. THOUGH I DONT REALLY MIND
PLEASE BITE MY ASS
AND MARK ME AS YOURS
CAIN
*BITES THE FUCK OUT OF THAT SHIT*
ABEL
*PROMPTLY CRIES*
CAIN
NOW EVERYONE ELSE WILL THINK I'M MANLY TOO.
*SLAPS*
I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP.
ABEL
AND THEY'LL CERTAINLY SEE MY ASS ALOT, AND CLEARLY SEE YOUR BRAND.
*IS STILL WEEPING*
TEAM ABEL, BITCH
