(no subject)
Right then.
To those of you who are keeping score, you can now add northerly winds to the list of people/animals/cosmic entities who are all working to do me in.
I was taking my afternoon walk, as I usually do - never you mind what for! - down a generally quiet area of the neighbourhood when this blasted piece of parchment comes flying out of nowhere, hits me smack in the face and causes me to momentarily lose my equilibrium with the ground. Well, seeing as I had now become 100% visually impaired by the cowardly paper assault, I stumbled off the pavement and straight inline with a bicycle wagon that was heading in my direction. A speeding bicycle wagon carrying a wagon-full of melons. It was only due to my agile mind and quick fox-like reflexes that I was able to pry the parchment off my face and spring out of the way, thus narrowly escaping my almost certain death. I could have been squashed. I could have been squashed by melons!
Afternoon walks are supposed to be relaxing. Afternoon walks are not supposed to involve harrowing dangers or superhuman feats of strength. It was then and there that I made up my mind: I would quit this silly walk business once and for all and get myself a riding lawn mower. Hm, day not totally ruined then. At least I got a revelation out of the incident.
And that was when I remembered the crumpled up parchment in my hand and looked down.
DEAR GOD.
I
honestly
have no idea
how I'm anybody,
and am constantly
waiting for the
other shoe
to
drop.
Then I was momentarily blinded again.
...and yet. Something vaguely familiar about it. Gaudy, emo, brutally honest if not pathetically so; with a hint of je ne sais quoi about it.
Don't worry. I will get to the bottom of this je ne sais quoi. I'm rounding up the usual suspects as we speak.
And when I find this person, I think it fair to say that a spot of violence wouldn't be out of order.
To those of you who are keeping score, you can now add northerly winds to the list of people/animals/cosmic entities who are all working to do me in.
I was taking my afternoon walk, as I usually do - never you mind what for! - down a generally quiet area of the neighbourhood when this blasted piece of parchment comes flying out of nowhere, hits me smack in the face and causes me to momentarily lose my equilibrium with the ground. Well, seeing as I had now become 100% visually impaired by the cowardly paper assault, I stumbled off the pavement and straight inline with a bicycle wagon that was heading in my direction. A speeding bicycle wagon carrying a wagon-full of melons. It was only due to my agile mind and quick fox-like reflexes that I was able to pry the parchment off my face and spring out of the way, thus narrowly escaping my almost certain death. I could have been squashed. I could have been squashed by melons!
Afternoon walks are supposed to be relaxing. Afternoon walks are not supposed to involve harrowing dangers or superhuman feats of strength. It was then and there that I made up my mind: I would quit this silly walk business once and for all and get myself a riding lawn mower. Hm, day not totally ruined then. At least I got a revelation out of the incident.
And that was when I remembered the crumpled up parchment in my hand and looked down.
DEAR GOD.
I
honestly
have no idea
how I'm anybody,
and am constantly
waiting for the
other shoe
to
drop.
Then I was momentarily blinded again.
...and yet. Something vaguely familiar about it. Gaudy, emo, brutally honest if not pathetically so; with a hint of je ne sais quoi about it.
Don't worry. I will get to the bottom of this je ne sais quoi. I'm rounding up the usual suspects as we speak.
And when I find this person, I think it fair to say that a spot of violence wouldn't be out of order.