An old relization
I've realized something.
I'm not after the quick rush anymore. I'm not in it for the hit and quit. I'm sick of being used. I'm sick of being a toy. It's become empty. I have the scars. I think I always will have some form of them. There are moments when I still cry. I think of what happened and I wish that there had been something more... and it tortures me. There could have been something more.. I just never let it happen and even if the opportunity came around again, would I take it? I dont' think I could. Not after what we did. Not after all of the guilt and all of the tears.
I guess we're just friends now. And I'm fine with that. It's healthier that way... anything more than that would just be another game. I'm sick of playing. I fold. I can't torture myself anymore. I find myself wantign somethign more... something where I actually feel loved and cared about. No more of this. I've ended it.
I'm not after the quick rush anymore. I'm not in it for the hit and quit. I'm sick of being used. I'm sick of being a toy. It's become empty. I have the scars. I think I always will have some form of them. There are moments when I still cry. I think of what happened and I wish that there had been something more... and it tortures me. There could have been something more.. I just never let it happen and even if the opportunity came around again, would I take it? I dont' think I could. Not after what we did. Not after all of the guilt and all of the tears.
I guess we're just friends now. And I'm fine with that. It's healthier that way... anything more than that would just be another game. I'm sick of playing. I fold. I can't torture myself anymore. I find myself wantign somethign more... something where I actually feel loved and cared about. No more of this. I've ended it.