(no subject)

Jul 06, 2007 11:59

so every life comes to and end.
and its hard to admit thats shes not ok.
i want so bad to say shes perfectly healthy.
but we would all just be lying.
hearing her goodbyes to us isnt exactly
what i wanted to hear this summer.
but what can i say we all go through it at one point in time.
but i never expected it to come so soon.
watching her deteriorate in a matter of one year that bad
isnt exactly what you call fun.
sometimes i think its harder on the grandchildren than the parents.
i mean my grandma was there for everything, every wedding graduation etc.
i only got to have her there up to my confirmation.
sitting in the hospital room with all my cousins and the extended ones as well, hearing how proud of us she was and that either way she will always be here for us, its scary.
hearing her say when you get the phone call that mamo is no longer here dont cry. how can we not cry! i feel like i didnt spend enough time with her and thats because i was with her sooo much.
i looked up to her, she was my inspiration.
everytime i was sick or i faked sick, there she was doing her best to make me feel the least bit better.
as we all sat there praying the divine mercy with her, i had the worst feeling in my gut. it was telling me today is the day,
and that morning she told my mom she felt like this was the end.
we all stared at her praying and she looked so lifeless to me.
i looked down and the tears were rolling off my face.
when i looked up i saw this shining around my grandma and i looked to the light above her bed and there jesus was with his arms wide open.
it was the most beautiful thing ive ever seen in my life.
how can this make me happy and sad at the exact same time.
im scared to let her go but happy she'll be pain free.
how am i supposed to feel what am i supposed to do.
i asked my dad, why cant we just all live forever.
and he said to me, kimberly dont you know we do.
the bible says believe in me and you shall live forever.
and it hit me, that is so true yes shes dying but she will still live with my main man up stairs:] and i will see her again.
this week has been so depressing i need some cheering up, thanks to marcus im getting the little cheering up that i need, ahh hes the best.
i miss my girls<3
off to the mall for funeral clothes:/ i hate saying that man.
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