FIC: Fragile (1/1)
Title: Fragile
Author: tromana
Rating: T
Characters: Jane/Lisbon
Disclaimer: Be relieved that it isn’t mine.
Summary: Teresa Lisbon is not much one for showing her vulnerable side.
Spoilers: 2x08 His Red Right Hand, 2x09 A Price Above Rubies
Notes: This was written for carlisle-autumn in the LiveJournal music meme and it is based on a beautiful picture by chizuru-chibi. The song is 'Fragile' by Delta Goodrem.
Fragile
If people can see right through my eyes
Like an open door that I can't disguise
I won't be afraid from the tears I cry
I'll not run I'll not hide this is how I feel inside
A little fragile
A little fragile
Sometimes I feel like I'm alone
Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong
Sometimes I feel so frail so small
Sometimes I feel vulnerable
Sometimes I feel a little fragile
Teresa Lisbon is not much one for showing her vulnerable side. Having three boisterous brothers is something that’ll easily beat it out of you at young age, even if you were previously inclined to show supposedly ‘weak’ emotions. Besides, from about the age of twelve, not only was she living with said brothers but she was pretty much bringing them up single-handedly as well. She doesn’t hold that against them and she never word, but any child who is forced to grow up too much too soon is always going to have a different, slightly harsher viewpoint on the world. And that’s not just due to having a wise head on young shoulders; they almost find themselves mourning the loss of said childhood and holding it against the world somewhat. Lisbon is vaguely aware that she does this, with her serious nature and excessive desire to be in control, but it’s not something she can change and she feels she has dealt with the hand life has given her admirably, at the very least.
It’s raining, something which Van Pelt had been lamenting about all morning. She’s brought a brand new dress for tonight, her first treat purchased solely for herself since getting the job with the CBI so naturally, she’d been hoping for a magical night and not to mention impressing Rigsby. The sodden weather is a blot on that perfect image she had been playing out in her mind for weeks. Lisbon, however, is more prosaic, but then again, she has always made it clear that she is only attending under duress. It just feels wrong to be going to an event and celebrating when not only was the whole institute undergoing such upheaval but they’d lost three superb agents. Still, she puts a brave face on it because it’s what she does.
Lisbon’s been ready to go for half an hour now, so has taken to watching the rain still pelting it down at the window. It also has the added benefit of keeping an eye on when that distinctive Citroen pulls up. Jane had promised to give Cho and herself a lift from the moment they’d been told that their attendance of this fundraiser was mandatory and no they cannot be excused just because of everything that has been happening around them. That is unless a case comes up which requires their attention, but that is rather unlikely. Instinctively, she lifts her hand and gently allows it to rest on the double-glazing as the rain continues its pitter patter on the concrete below. The glass is cool to the touch and leaves it there for a while, her mind whirring at a thousand miles an hour.
If Bosco were still here, still alive, he’d have been the one picking her up tonight.
A smirk would probably have danced across his face and he’d make a sly comment about her appearance. He wouldn’t dare saying anything that wasn’t suitable for one coworker to say to another, but he wouldn’t be afraid to make his opinion known and tease her gently. After all, dresses really aren’t her thing. They make her feel constricted and exposed all at the same time. At least seeing Bosco, looking completely ridiculous in his tuxedo but grinning brightly all the same, would have cheered her up no end.
Instead, she’s just feeling tense and thinking of lost loved ones.
As she should, for Bosco was a damn fine agent. A damn fine friend too.
Maybe she should allow her team to talk about their loss, just this once?
After all, Bosco deserves to be remembered.
The only problem is, if she actively allows them to break that rule, she’ll be opening the floodgates. Sure she has days when she thinks it’d be nice just to be able to talk to the rest of her team, unfettered by (self-imposed) rules and regulations. Just to prove to them that she’s not this strict super-being that people seem to paint her as being around the CBI. Let them know she has days when she doubts herself and her abilities, that despite the fact that she appears to be competent on the outside, that inside she’s falling apart. But that kind of closeness would blur the lines between boss and subordinate, coworkers and friends. She’s not sure if she can remain in control of a team unless there a clear divisions between herself and the rest of them.
She’d also once told herself that she’d remain as distanced from people as feasibly possible so that she wouldn’t suffer the grief that had surround her during her youth. She didn’t deserve that kind of pain, not again.
The moment when Bosco’s doctor had told her that he wasn’t going to make it, she’d realized she’d failed dismally. Whether or not what she felt for her mentor was affection or something more is besides the point, because she does care. She cares for all the members of her team and if anything happened to them she’d honestly be lost. It’s strange how Lisbon is only coming to realize this when everyone who works for the CBI, not just Jane, knew that years ago.
But Jane has always been the one to know when she’s hurting, with her honest eyes and apparent inability to disguise her emotions.
And sometimes, he even knows when to hold back when it comes to mentioning it.
So, when she’s so lost in thought that she doesn’t even notice him pull up in front of her house and lets himself in, he knows it’s one of those times not to tease her mercilessly for being such a contradiction. Because, though she’d like to admit her frailties to those she cares about most, they both know she never will. She just can’t do that to herself; she’s spent too long building up the mask she wears, even if certain individuals can see straight through it.
He allows his fingers to graze her bare shoulder and she jolts out of her reverie to gaze at him gently.
She wipes her eyes, brushing away unshed tears and blinks slightly.
“Ready to go?”
“Sure.”
end
Author: tromana
Rating: T
Characters: Jane/Lisbon
Disclaimer: Be relieved that it isn’t mine.
Summary: Teresa Lisbon is not much one for showing her vulnerable side.
Spoilers: 2x08 His Red Right Hand, 2x09 A Price Above Rubies
Notes: This was written for carlisle-autumn in the LiveJournal music meme and it is based on a beautiful picture by chizuru-chibi. The song is 'Fragile' by Delta Goodrem.
Fragile
If people can see right through my eyes
Like an open door that I can't disguise
I won't be afraid from the tears I cry
I'll not run I'll not hide this is how I feel inside
A little fragile
A little fragile
Sometimes I feel like I'm alone
Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong
Sometimes I feel so frail so small
Sometimes I feel vulnerable
Sometimes I feel a little fragile
Teresa Lisbon is not much one for showing her vulnerable side. Having three boisterous brothers is something that’ll easily beat it out of you at young age, even if you were previously inclined to show supposedly ‘weak’ emotions. Besides, from about the age of twelve, not only was she living with said brothers but she was pretty much bringing them up single-handedly as well. She doesn’t hold that against them and she never word, but any child who is forced to grow up too much too soon is always going to have a different, slightly harsher viewpoint on the world. And that’s not just due to having a wise head on young shoulders; they almost find themselves mourning the loss of said childhood and holding it against the world somewhat. Lisbon is vaguely aware that she does this, with her serious nature and excessive desire to be in control, but it’s not something she can change and she feels she has dealt with the hand life has given her admirably, at the very least.
It’s raining, something which Van Pelt had been lamenting about all morning. She’s brought a brand new dress for tonight, her first treat purchased solely for herself since getting the job with the CBI so naturally, she’d been hoping for a magical night and not to mention impressing Rigsby. The sodden weather is a blot on that perfect image she had been playing out in her mind for weeks. Lisbon, however, is more prosaic, but then again, she has always made it clear that she is only attending under duress. It just feels wrong to be going to an event and celebrating when not only was the whole institute undergoing such upheaval but they’d lost three superb agents. Still, she puts a brave face on it because it’s what she does.
Lisbon’s been ready to go for half an hour now, so has taken to watching the rain still pelting it down at the window. It also has the added benefit of keeping an eye on when that distinctive Citroen pulls up. Jane had promised to give Cho and herself a lift from the moment they’d been told that their attendance of this fundraiser was mandatory and no they cannot be excused just because of everything that has been happening around them. That is unless a case comes up which requires their attention, but that is rather unlikely. Instinctively, she lifts her hand and gently allows it to rest on the double-glazing as the rain continues its pitter patter on the concrete below. The glass is cool to the touch and leaves it there for a while, her mind whirring at a thousand miles an hour.
If Bosco were still here, still alive, he’d have been the one picking her up tonight.
A smirk would probably have danced across his face and he’d make a sly comment about her appearance. He wouldn’t dare saying anything that wasn’t suitable for one coworker to say to another, but he wouldn’t be afraid to make his opinion known and tease her gently. After all, dresses really aren’t her thing. They make her feel constricted and exposed all at the same time. At least seeing Bosco, looking completely ridiculous in his tuxedo but grinning brightly all the same, would have cheered her up no end.
Instead, she’s just feeling tense and thinking of lost loved ones.
As she should, for Bosco was a damn fine agent. A damn fine friend too.
Maybe she should allow her team to talk about their loss, just this once?
After all, Bosco deserves to be remembered.
The only problem is, if she actively allows them to break that rule, she’ll be opening the floodgates. Sure she has days when she thinks it’d be nice just to be able to talk to the rest of her team, unfettered by (self-imposed) rules and regulations. Just to prove to them that she’s not this strict super-being that people seem to paint her as being around the CBI. Let them know she has days when she doubts herself and her abilities, that despite the fact that she appears to be competent on the outside, that inside she’s falling apart. But that kind of closeness would blur the lines between boss and subordinate, coworkers and friends. She’s not sure if she can remain in control of a team unless there a clear divisions between herself and the rest of them.
She’d also once told herself that she’d remain as distanced from people as feasibly possible so that she wouldn’t suffer the grief that had surround her during her youth. She didn’t deserve that kind of pain, not again.
The moment when Bosco’s doctor had told her that he wasn’t going to make it, she’d realized she’d failed dismally. Whether or not what she felt for her mentor was affection or something more is besides the point, because she does care. She cares for all the members of her team and if anything happened to them she’d honestly be lost. It’s strange how Lisbon is only coming to realize this when everyone who works for the CBI, not just Jane, knew that years ago.
But Jane has always been the one to know when she’s hurting, with her honest eyes and apparent inability to disguise her emotions.
And sometimes, he even knows when to hold back when it comes to mentioning it.
So, when she’s so lost in thought that she doesn’t even notice him pull up in front of her house and lets himself in, he knows it’s one of those times not to tease her mercilessly for being such a contradiction. Because, though she’d like to admit her frailties to those she cares about most, they both know she never will. She just can’t do that to herself; she’s spent too long building up the mask she wears, even if certain individuals can see straight through it.
He allows his fingers to graze her bare shoulder and she jolts out of her reverie to gaze at him gently.
She wipes her eyes, brushing away unshed tears and blinks slightly.
“Ready to go?”
“Sure.”
end