Subspace, and Delayed Scene Report
We had our last Subspace discussion in the current Edges location on Tuesday. I agree with H that it is nice we're seeing some regular faces there. It helps build rapport amongst those attending and adds continuity to the discussions.
One of the conversation topics related to how we cope when the outside world encroaches upon our DS. The question was originally posed from the context of the world affecting a DS relationship, but I it reminded me of some things I've discussed with S in the past that I thought might be relevant. In particular, even though I have not had a DS relationship -- since I've been single since coming into the scene... yes it has been two years -- I have discovered that I have had a DS dynamic occur in some unexpected ways out in the "real" world.
The major driver for me is how things i do in everyday life reward me. I find I am drawn to situations where things I have done result in subtle yet perceivable approval. The most accessible of these is the dynamic I have with managers at work. Over time, I build a rapport with them (I call it "training the manager") and let them know that there are easy ways to provide feedback and let me know what's important to them... and that in so doing they will determine which tasks get priority from me. And as much as I might enjoy getting a bonus or a raise when I've done very well, the part that matters most to me is hearing them say how much they've appreciated my work... THAT's the part I squee about all the way home.
In fact, this plays out with friends and when I do consulting work as well. If whoever I'm working with shows that they are actively interested and enjoying what I'm helping them to do, then it envigorates me... even to the point that I will work extremely long hours on something and not feel tired. But when I feel that something is unimportant to them then suddenly I find myself neglecting it. It seems such a simple feedback mechanism, but I'm beginning to understand that this may have been a DS dynamic that has been playing itself out in me for most of my life.
This also reminds me of something my mom used to say to me when I was growing up -- and might have been relevant to another topic we discussed, "When did you first know?" She admonish me for ignoring chores at home while I spent time with friends and even helping them do their chores elsehwere. Why, she would ask, did I have the time and energy for that when I wasn't doing stuff at home? And now I'm beginning to realize it was because I wasn't getting what I needed at home. But I was getting it by being of service to friends and others elsewhere.
So have I been having non-consensual scenes with these folks? I tend to think of it as finding a way of getting my needs met to mutual benefit... I'll have to ruminate over that one for a while.
Often, discussion turns to play we enjoy or sharing fun parts of recent scenes. This time, I recalled both a scene from a private party ( which I finally just blogged about) as well as one from a few months ago with T & B. In particular, I had shared my curiosity about fire play and cupping at the Friday munch, and eventually they invited me to join them for a scene doing the same. The fire play was sublime. Much like wax play I had experienced earlier, it felt like a soothing massage... attentuated by some moments of extreme sensation. Kind of like a good flogging scene where temperature relates to stinginess. Mmmmm
The cupping was incredible. There were 20+ cups of all different sizes and diameters. We did three rounds, with progressively more cups and more aggressive play. Although having the cups moved around felt like having really hard knife play, there was the added feature of having the skin of my back pulled tight. We didn't play long enough to really transport me to deep subspace, but I definitely had a good endorphin high going. It wasn't until the heavier stuff that T got to hear me growl, and that's /always/ a good sign. ;-) Thank you again, T & B, I hope we get to do it sometime again in the future!
Someone from the discussion group expressed interest in seeing what the cupping looked like, and the topic of my marks from the scene came up. As it happens, someone at the event took pictures, and here is one of them. Enjoy!
One of the conversation topics related to how we cope when the outside world encroaches upon our DS. The question was originally posed from the context of the world affecting a DS relationship, but I it reminded me of some things I've discussed with S in the past that I thought might be relevant. In particular, even though I have not had a DS relationship -- since I've been single since coming into the scene... yes it has been two years -- I have discovered that I have had a DS dynamic occur in some unexpected ways out in the "real" world.
The major driver for me is how things i do in everyday life reward me. I find I am drawn to situations where things I have done result in subtle yet perceivable approval. The most accessible of these is the dynamic I have with managers at work. Over time, I build a rapport with them (I call it "training the manager") and let them know that there are easy ways to provide feedback and let me know what's important to them... and that in so doing they will determine which tasks get priority from me. And as much as I might enjoy getting a bonus or a raise when I've done very well, the part that matters most to me is hearing them say how much they've appreciated my work... THAT's the part I squee about all the way home.
In fact, this plays out with friends and when I do consulting work as well. If whoever I'm working with shows that they are actively interested and enjoying what I'm helping them to do, then it envigorates me... even to the point that I will work extremely long hours on something and not feel tired. But when I feel that something is unimportant to them then suddenly I find myself neglecting it. It seems such a simple feedback mechanism, but I'm beginning to understand that this may have been a DS dynamic that has been playing itself out in me for most of my life.
This also reminds me of something my mom used to say to me when I was growing up -- and might have been relevant to another topic we discussed, "When did you first know?" She admonish me for ignoring chores at home while I spent time with friends and even helping them do their chores elsehwere. Why, she would ask, did I have the time and energy for that when I wasn't doing stuff at home? And now I'm beginning to realize it was because I wasn't getting what I needed at home. But I was getting it by being of service to friends and others elsewhere.
So have I been having non-consensual scenes with these folks? I tend to think of it as finding a way of getting my needs met to mutual benefit... I'll have to ruminate over that one for a while.
Often, discussion turns to play we enjoy or sharing fun parts of recent scenes. This time, I recalled both a scene from a private party ( which I finally just blogged about) as well as one from a few months ago with T & B. In particular, I had shared my curiosity about fire play and cupping at the Friday munch, and eventually they invited me to join them for a scene doing the same. The fire play was sublime. Much like wax play I had experienced earlier, it felt like a soothing massage... attentuated by some moments of extreme sensation. Kind of like a good flogging scene where temperature relates to stinginess. Mmmmm
The cupping was incredible. There were 20+ cups of all different sizes and diameters. We did three rounds, with progressively more cups and more aggressive play. Although having the cups moved around felt like having really hard knife play, there was the added feature of having the skin of my back pulled tight. We didn't play long enough to really transport me to deep subspace, but I definitely had a good endorphin high going. It wasn't until the heavier stuff that T got to hear me growl, and that's /always/ a good sign. ;-) Thank you again, T & B, I hope we get to do it sometime again in the future!
Someone from the discussion group expressed interest in seeing what the cupping looked like, and the topic of my marks from the scene came up. As it happens, someone at the event took pictures, and here is one of them. Enjoy!