You Deserve Better
Yesterday I celebrated another anniversary of leaving my abusive husband.
More than 15 years ago on the morning of April 1, I woke up to being called a pig and minutes later I got hit in the face with a snowboard. It was the same as any other day but I finally decided I couldn't deal with it anymore. Too many days of having to go through his pockets for change when he was asleep so I could have some money of my own, being choked to unconsciousness when I was holding my baby, being told I was an ugly bitch, a fat pig, stupid, not being allowed to pick out groceries... he never hit the kids but they witnessed things he did to me. I realized my daughters would grow up thinking it was ok to be treated that horribly. The idea was unbearable so I left.
All I had to my name was a garbage bag with diapers and clothes in it, and two little girls.
We were lucky, there was a room at a local Women's Shelter. We were in a safe place.
I was so flipping scared. I had no money and didn't even know how to turn on a computer. I had no idea how I was going to afford finding a place to live, or how I was going to get a job that would support my family. But I knew that no matter what, anything would be better than what we had.
Our first home on our own was a one bedroom apartment in an area affectionately known as "Cracktown". We might have walked past needle drop boxes and prostitutes on our way back from the grocery store, but we were the happiest we'd ever been.
A friend helped me get a temp job and the bosses liked me enough to offer me full time work. I took a weekend job at a vintage clothing shop and cut hair at home in the evenings to make ends meet. I taught myself how to use a computer and slowly built up my skills to increase the kinds of jobs I was qualified for.
I was very fortunate to have friends and family that helped when I was in trouble, or life would have been even more difficult. Programs like Adopt-A-Family at Christmas made sure there were gifts under the tree.
Any time I got discouraged or scared, I'd listen to Tom Petty's Wildflowers. I'm not usually a "Top 40" music person, but the whole idea that I deserved a beautiful life kept me going. That song was my anthem when I was on my 14th day of work without a day off, when I was recovering from major surgery, when I thought I was going to be alone forever because I was a worthless cow, and when I had to decide what was more important, winter coats for the girls or paying my utilities.
I just want anyone who is enduring abuse - whether it's physical, emotional, financial, or otherwise to know that it's NOT okay. You deserve a good life, you deserve to be safe and happy.
There are resources out there, they might not be easy to access but don't be discouraged if you can't get out right away. If you're in Canada, leave me a comment and I'll try to help you get in touch with a local shelter or someone who can give you the assistance you require.
I know it's hard, but I have faith in you. You can get out. You are worth it. I know it gets better. My daughters are generally happy, and I'm in a wonderful healthy relationship with a person who genuinely loves me and my kidlets unconditionally. Life won't be perfect right away, but if you have children, teach them that a peaceful home environment is what we should strive for.
https://endvaw.ca/ - Women's Shelters Canada
http://www.thehotline.org/ - National Domestic Violence Hotline
http://ywcacanada.ca/en/pages/programs/shelter - YWCA Canada
http://www.ywca.org/site/c.cuIRJ7NTKrLaG/b.9360173/k.1089/YWCAEliminating_Racism_Empowering_Women.htm - YWCA America