Updates, whoo.
So it’s been a while since I’ve last decided to seriously update my journal; the reason for this springs from my hesitance for posting something when I really don’t think people care what I think or how I feel. You may be asking yourself ‘why do you care if people read your journal or not?’ and you’re right for asking that question… a lot of people use this website to simply vent and get things off their chest. The mere act of writing our thoughts down or even just documenting them is fairly soothing, but I can do this just in a word document or even an actual paper journal. I come online to this website to get opinions from people I trust… though I think that list is narrowing down.
Should have warned you ahead of time about the nature of this update, whoever it is that is actually reading this… and considering I see only one of my friends ever updating their journal (and I’ve seen her friends page before… geez. I doubt she’ll see this post, or even have the desire to not only read it but respond to it. ) I doubt anyone is going to read this. After all, I’ve spent many years of my life devoting myself to staying hidden from the outside world and exploring the vast world of the internet… where friends are many but short lasting.
I wish I would have thought of the inevitability of my online friends going about their normal lives, oblivious of me and probably not giving a damn whether or not I’m alive or dead because really, I may have tried to focus more time on making friends at school instead of the opposite. And I know this sounds like I’m really ragging on those kinds of people, but I’m not; real life is more important than your online life, despite how much you want to get involved with someone you can only relate too through the glare of a monitor. Because when you’re scared, when you’re lonely all they can offer you for support are some text and an occasional voice. They can’t pat your back, give you a hug or hell just hang out with you and get drunk…. Eh, well, most of the time.
Maybe I should have focused on those relationships instead… that bleak, empty void that is known as my social life is really looking more like a black hole now that I stop and look back at it--- I may have been able to ignore for such a long time, but it’s sucking me up into itself now, and I’m not sure if I want to break away from it actually, the unknown sounds nice for once; not knowing what’s going to happen when I finally take that step out, whether into a job, at JordanCon or into some random bar. But it sounds nice.
Who will I meet? What will I do? I guess these questions are often asked by people who are just generally lost in life; and I think it’s about time that I start asking myself this question… trying to get out more and experience life while I’m still young. While I still have a life to explore and experience… I know I talk big now and perhaps in a few months I’ll make another post where I try to explain the same epiphany in so many different words… but I guess it takes time to do something like living your own life when you’ve been so focused on keeping it paused. Huh.
Anyways, as for writing updates? I’m not sure I’ll be posting them up here anymore-my last two were spectacularly ignored by my pathetically few amount of friends. Ugh. Fuck me, maybe I’ll post this up on MySpace and get some credibility as being a little whiny bitch. Yeah that sounds fun.
Here’s a quote to ponder while you don’t read this waste of a 766 word post.
Les Grossman: First, take a big step back... and literally, FUCK YOUR OWN FACE! I don't know what kind of pan-pacific bullshit power play you're trying to pull here, but Asia Jack is my territory. So whatever you're thinking, you'd better think again! Otherwise I'm gonna have to head down there and I will rain down in a Godly fucking firestorm upon you! You're gonna have to call the fucking United Nations and get a fucking binding resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you. I'm talking about a scorched earth, motherfucker! I will massacre you! I WILL FUCK YOU UP!