Bah
When people come home, they look forward to seeing their friends, hanging out, going out to places, etc etc.
Well, for me, it's been different. For me it's been sitting at home reading, wondering if any of my old friends will call. None have.
I wonder "Why is this happening??" Am I annoying? Am I not fun? It's just pathetic really. This is why I don't like coming here. On one hand I want my friends to call to hang out, but on the other I am hurt that they haven't and I'm not sure if I should be putting myself through this. All it does is make me want to cry.
I don't know. I am so happy in LA and with Lucas, why can't I have that happiness here? Why can't I be ok with understanding that I really don't belong here? I don't have a group of people that call me to hang out. I obviously don't have people who miss me here. Then why do I come back every time? I should just get used to it.
I don't belong here simple as that. Just please, let me hold on so I can get out and be happy somewhere else. And it's not the people. I have so much fun here with the people when I am with them. It's just sad sometimes because when I'm not with them, what do I do? Why do you think I got two jobs?
I can't wait to start working so I can keep busy...pass the days faster. This is ridiculous here. Just like high school really. Next time I go to USC I'm not coming back here. Why? What have I come back to now? Sitting in my room reading, or working out...everything by myself. At night I talk to Lucas on the phone for an hour, then read, talk again, then go to bed. I am happy with that. The only thing I am not happy about is when I realize "My old friends are out having fun, and didn't invite me. That's nice." 2 months and two weeks...that's all I have left. Let me get through that and hopefully it will be better.
Well, for me, it's been different. For me it's been sitting at home reading, wondering if any of my old friends will call. None have.
I wonder "Why is this happening??" Am I annoying? Am I not fun? It's just pathetic really. This is why I don't like coming here. On one hand I want my friends to call to hang out, but on the other I am hurt that they haven't and I'm not sure if I should be putting myself through this. All it does is make me want to cry.
I don't know. I am so happy in LA and with Lucas, why can't I have that happiness here? Why can't I be ok with understanding that I really don't belong here? I don't have a group of people that call me to hang out. I obviously don't have people who miss me here. Then why do I come back every time? I should just get used to it.
I don't belong here simple as that. Just please, let me hold on so I can get out and be happy somewhere else. And it's not the people. I have so much fun here with the people when I am with them. It's just sad sometimes because when I'm not with them, what do I do? Why do you think I got two jobs?
I can't wait to start working so I can keep busy...pass the days faster. This is ridiculous here. Just like high school really. Next time I go to USC I'm not coming back here. Why? What have I come back to now? Sitting in my room reading, or working out...everything by myself. At night I talk to Lucas on the phone for an hour, then read, talk again, then go to bed. I am happy with that. The only thing I am not happy about is when I realize "My old friends are out having fun, and didn't invite me. That's nice." 2 months and two weeks...that's all I have left. Let me get through that and hopefully it will be better.