today
today she's due in from chic ago to pack her stuff and move out. i feel like she's trying to avoid me but i have to talk to her. we have a lot of things to work out domestically and i especially have a lot of things i need to resolve. i need her to talk to me. i need to see her face. h'm not trying to fix anything. i need my kind of closer so we can make this as easy as possible. otherwise i will be angry and resentful and a dick and she will only counter my anger with more anger. i don't want to make this fucked up. it can be easy. i just need to talk.
of course with these recent developments I've acquired more financial responsibility. -like my rent just doubled. I want to stay where i am. i love being at big red. i will find nothing like it for that price. on paper i can swing it. i just have to keep myself on a really short leash. however, right now isn't the time i really want to be spending a lot of time at home. i thought about building a couple rooms and get a room mate, but that would change what it is and it wouldn't be why i wanted to stay. i like the wide open space of living in a studio.
i may try to sell my truck so i won't have a payment to worry about. it's a good idea however julie's been driving my truck for a year (still is) and has wreck, broke and scratched a few things. all of which i need her to fix so i can get a better resale value for it. she say's she'll fix them but i honestly don't know. i just bought the truck last year and drove in about 3 months before she needed a vehicle and i let her use it. i haven't seen it since.
i still love her and h'm still attracted to her and that's going to take a while to wear off. we have a lot of the same friends and things are going to be weird. -but i don't want to make them difficult. i am respectful.
h'm anxious it get this over with. i need to see my place with her stuff gone. i need to get a look at what i have. i need for her to repay me so i don't feel like she owes me anything. i need to clean up and move things around. i need to fill open spaces with something else to take up some room. i need to throw a lot of things away. i need to dig up things that i put away and lost. i need to shed a little skin.
of course with these recent developments I've acquired more financial responsibility. -like my rent just doubled. I want to stay where i am. i love being at big red. i will find nothing like it for that price. on paper i can swing it. i just have to keep myself on a really short leash. however, right now isn't the time i really want to be spending a lot of time at home. i thought about building a couple rooms and get a room mate, but that would change what it is and it wouldn't be why i wanted to stay. i like the wide open space of living in a studio.
i may try to sell my truck so i won't have a payment to worry about. it's a good idea however julie's been driving my truck for a year (still is) and has wreck, broke and scratched a few things. all of which i need her to fix so i can get a better resale value for it. she say's she'll fix them but i honestly don't know. i just bought the truck last year and drove in about 3 months before she needed a vehicle and i let her use it. i haven't seen it since.
i still love her and h'm still attracted to her and that's going to take a while to wear off. we have a lot of the same friends and things are going to be weird. -but i don't want to make them difficult. i am respectful.
h'm anxious it get this over with. i need to see my place with her stuff gone. i need to get a look at what i have. i need for her to repay me so i don't feel like she owes me anything. i need to clean up and move things around. i need to fill open spaces with something else to take up some room. i need to throw a lot of things away. i need to dig up things that i put away and lost. i need to shed a little skin.