just a simple call...
Why do I have to think so much? Why do I have to worry so much? Why do I have to analyze every single thing to the point where I feel like my head is going to explode? It's only today. Days like these where I don't work and I don't have anything to do, but sit around and think. Take that back. I do have stuff to do and there is stuff I could be doing, but I choose to drive myself crazy. Over what? Over everything. From work, to life, to love, to friends, to me. Everything. And for some reason right at this very moment I can't stop thinking about the night of that lame party. There's people that walk in your life that make you're dark days just a bit brighter and you're lonely days just not as lonely. Some may walk in and make a huge impact and may never know it. Well that night I found out I made someone smile at the times they had nothing to smile about. I was there for them even though I wasn't physically there. That night she opened up and actually shared a part of her with me. And for me that meant a lot. More than she'll ever know. She made me feel special. She made me feel wanted. She made me feel loved. But right now I feel anything but special, wanted, and loved by her. Were those words...those sweet loving words, words of another drunken girl who thinks I'm one of the nicest people alive? Or were those words of truth? Pure absolute truth? It hurts to say that I honestly don't know. But how could I know? So many messages left and so many unreturned. So many text sent and not a "message recieved" back. What am I suppose to think? How am I suppose to feel? Honestly, all I want...all I really really want is a call. A simple call. It doesn't even have to be a "hey wanna hang out" type of call. Just a simple, "hey got your message, just calling you back cause I want you to know that I genuinely care too" type of call. Or just a "hey, i was just thinking about you, how you doin?" type of call. Just one call. One simple call would mean the world to me.
It's funny how I can sit there thinking about something so much that I not only unscramble the scrambled thoughts in my head, but in the process come to realize something I never even thought I would realize. Whether it's something big or something so utterly small. Right now is one of those moments. I've just sat in the seat and put my feet in the shoes. I always knew, but never actually known until now how much a simple call can make a difference. I've always hated the phone. I've always hated talking on the phone, calling people, and I've definitely been bad at calling people back. But over the past 7 or 8 months I've been making an effort and actually improving tremendiously because I know how much it means to ME. But what I've come to realize is in the past 2 months or so is I've been just as bad as I used to be. I not only want a call, but I need to be the one calling. And though I do call people, there is certain people I know I need to call more. And yes, "the phone works both ways" which is a perfect reason for me not to feel so guilty and so bad at times like I always used to do. But I WILL NOT make that my excuse for not calling.
Out of the saddness because of you came a lesson from you. Thank you :)
It's funny how I can sit there thinking about something so much that I not only unscramble the scrambled thoughts in my head, but in the process come to realize something I never even thought I would realize. Whether it's something big or something so utterly small. Right now is one of those moments. I've just sat in the seat and put my feet in the shoes. I always knew, but never actually known until now how much a simple call can make a difference. I've always hated the phone. I've always hated talking on the phone, calling people, and I've definitely been bad at calling people back. But over the past 7 or 8 months I've been making an effort and actually improving tremendiously because I know how much it means to ME. But what I've come to realize is in the past 2 months or so is I've been just as bad as I used to be. I not only want a call, but I need to be the one calling. And though I do call people, there is certain people I know I need to call more. And yes, "the phone works both ways" which is a perfect reason for me not to feel so guilty and so bad at times like I always used to do. But I WILL NOT make that my excuse for not calling.
Out of the saddness because of you came a lesson from you. Thank you :)