Realization...
It's becoming apparent to me that I seem to only catch the interest of 3 types of women...
1) Women who have no room in their heart for me. This includes both women currently in relationships and women who are still madly in love with a man from their past. The treatment I receive from these women says to me, "you're great, but he's better."
2) Women who have no room in their life for me. This would include social butterflies who repeatedly ditch me when we're supposed to be out together, single moms who can't find/afford a babysitter, and workaholics. I can understand their situation a little better, but I don't have the patience to wait 2 weeks between times that I get to see them.
3) Deadbeats. Aside from Crystal (who fit into category 1, and then added category 2), my last 5 official girlfriends have fit into this category. These women take everything they can from me. They want to go out all the time, but very rarely can pay. ...I'm pretty sure I've ranted about this unsavory type of character before, so I'll move on...
So, it would seem to me that I'm incapable of having any semblance of what I'd call a healthy romantic relationship.
People keep telling me that I'm awesome, but talk is cheap. Nobody has shown me. I can only really infer from this that I'm having my ego fluffed. My self-worth inflated.
Maybe I'm just expecting a "healthy relationship" to be too much. Or maybe relationships, in general, are an unhealthy practice.
After all, the more I share my feelings with people, the more they worry, which makes me clam up more, to keep people from worrying.
I never yell anymore. I find it hard to even raise my voice. Lately, I've been putting serious consideration to only talking when absolutely essential. Just let myself fade into the background, like it seems I always do.
1) Women who have no room in their heart for me. This includes both women currently in relationships and women who are still madly in love with a man from their past. The treatment I receive from these women says to me, "you're great, but he's better."
2) Women who have no room in their life for me. This would include social butterflies who repeatedly ditch me when we're supposed to be out together, single moms who can't find/afford a babysitter, and workaholics. I can understand their situation a little better, but I don't have the patience to wait 2 weeks between times that I get to see them.
3) Deadbeats. Aside from Crystal (who fit into category 1, and then added category 2), my last 5 official girlfriends have fit into this category. These women take everything they can from me. They want to go out all the time, but very rarely can pay. ...I'm pretty sure I've ranted about this unsavory type of character before, so I'll move on...
So, it would seem to me that I'm incapable of having any semblance of what I'd call a healthy romantic relationship.
People keep telling me that I'm awesome, but talk is cheap. Nobody has shown me. I can only really infer from this that I'm having my ego fluffed. My self-worth inflated.
Maybe I'm just expecting a "healthy relationship" to be too much. Or maybe relationships, in general, are an unhealthy practice.
After all, the more I share my feelings with people, the more they worry, which makes me clam up more, to keep people from worrying.
I never yell anymore. I find it hard to even raise my voice. Lately, I've been putting serious consideration to only talking when absolutely essential. Just let myself fade into the background, like it seems I always do.