The Year 2009.
This has been the longest hardest year of my life. I didn't think moving to Dallas would have ever been so hard on me. I moved back right before Christmas and all I have been doing is hanging out with family and sleeping. I am just done.
In the past year I have moved 6 times. I decided to move to Dallas because I was in love with Daniel and I wanted to better my school situation. I learned that living with someone you are romantically involved with is hard. I mean its can be nice but in this particular situation, I want to say I was ready and he wasn't. Plus dealing with other people's issues is hard enough and spreading myself thin with 5 classes wasn't a helping factor. It was hard to say those words that it's not working out but I am proud that I can have the strength to walk away when I need to.
Then I lived with two girls I meet off Craig's List. One went to my school and we met before and then I decided that was my best bet at that point. That was a challenge too as well. As good as things started out they didn't quite end up that way. With Krissy struggling with drinking and my power being shut off it was time to move on.
Which leads to a tradgic turn of events. After I moved out of my apartment with the girls I moved in with my coworker Daniel (friend not ex) and his roommate Nathan. At the time it was a great idea and a good move. I was living a quiet life with my gamer family. It was nice to come home and Daniel had made dinner and we would all watch Adult Swim. Plus I started dating Joseph and we were spending every waking moment together and I felt better about moving to Dallas as turbulent as it was at first.
But then one fateful Saturday I find out that my apartment had been search warranted while I was gone for the night. Nathan's girlfriend had been murdered and they suspected the both of them and I wasn't sure of anything. I grabbed some things and stayed at Joseph's house till we officially lost the apartment anyway. I lived with Joseph since September till Decemeber. It was hard because I lost a lot of sleep and was stressed at the time. Plus I had been questioned by the police and got behind in classes because of it. Then in October Daniel got arrested and that’s the last thing I know. I am most likely going to have to show up when the court date comes. I really want this to over so I can move on with my life, but I still have a few more steps to take. But I finished school without a scratch and that I am proud of. As bad as things got I kept studying and kept moving forward on my goal. I played my first full piano piece this year and did well.
When I realized I had to move back home it was a hard process. I wanted to be able to independent and be on my own. But since I moved so many times I ran out of money and friends. I think what was hard was when I told Joseph my decision to move back and he didn't ask me to stay either. But I understood later on why. But I tried to make the best of things, did my school work, worked, hung out with my friends and until the last week things were looking up. But a week before I was about to leave my friend Tammy revealed that she had kissed Joseph at a party when she didn't know we were dating because we worked together. Needless to say I said it was over when I got to his house and packed up my shit. Luckily I left for Austin the day after and Emily took me in and cared for me. I just remember coming home and I burst into tears because I was hurt and I felt like a failure. But I had to keep moving forward. I went back to Dallas so I could handle my business and get my things moved. Luckily I got to hang out with the people that mattered most to me my last days in Dallas and that helped me feel better about leaving. I cried driving back but when I got into town I was listening to Sam's Town by The Killers and I took it was a sign I have to be here, at least for a minute.
But I am just happy to be alive. I went to Dallas to grow up and that happened ten fold. I at least know that I can land on my feet in crisis. I know I have a home to go to and not to take that for granted. I learned what real friends are. I learned what I really want out of love.
Since I have been back I have been thinking about a lot of things. Especially this past weekend, I had so much fun I realized I needed to be living more than I was. I like that I take more chances and I want to travel. I think this year even by default will be beautiful because the sun will still rise and set, and that's just fine by me, I just want to be there to see it.
In the past year I have moved 6 times. I decided to move to Dallas because I was in love with Daniel and I wanted to better my school situation. I learned that living with someone you are romantically involved with is hard. I mean its can be nice but in this particular situation, I want to say I was ready and he wasn't. Plus dealing with other people's issues is hard enough and spreading myself thin with 5 classes wasn't a helping factor. It was hard to say those words that it's not working out but I am proud that I can have the strength to walk away when I need to.
Then I lived with two girls I meet off Craig's List. One went to my school and we met before and then I decided that was my best bet at that point. That was a challenge too as well. As good as things started out they didn't quite end up that way. With Krissy struggling with drinking and my power being shut off it was time to move on.
Which leads to a tradgic turn of events. After I moved out of my apartment with the girls I moved in with my coworker Daniel (friend not ex) and his roommate Nathan. At the time it was a great idea and a good move. I was living a quiet life with my gamer family. It was nice to come home and Daniel had made dinner and we would all watch Adult Swim. Plus I started dating Joseph and we were spending every waking moment together and I felt better about moving to Dallas as turbulent as it was at first.
But then one fateful Saturday I find out that my apartment had been search warranted while I was gone for the night. Nathan's girlfriend had been murdered and they suspected the both of them and I wasn't sure of anything. I grabbed some things and stayed at Joseph's house till we officially lost the apartment anyway. I lived with Joseph since September till Decemeber. It was hard because I lost a lot of sleep and was stressed at the time. Plus I had been questioned by the police and got behind in classes because of it. Then in October Daniel got arrested and that’s the last thing I know. I am most likely going to have to show up when the court date comes. I really want this to over so I can move on with my life, but I still have a few more steps to take. But I finished school without a scratch and that I am proud of. As bad as things got I kept studying and kept moving forward on my goal. I played my first full piano piece this year and did well.
When I realized I had to move back home it was a hard process. I wanted to be able to independent and be on my own. But since I moved so many times I ran out of money and friends. I think what was hard was when I told Joseph my decision to move back and he didn't ask me to stay either. But I understood later on why. But I tried to make the best of things, did my school work, worked, hung out with my friends and until the last week things were looking up. But a week before I was about to leave my friend Tammy revealed that she had kissed Joseph at a party when she didn't know we were dating because we worked together. Needless to say I said it was over when I got to his house and packed up my shit. Luckily I left for Austin the day after and Emily took me in and cared for me. I just remember coming home and I burst into tears because I was hurt and I felt like a failure. But I had to keep moving forward. I went back to Dallas so I could handle my business and get my things moved. Luckily I got to hang out with the people that mattered most to me my last days in Dallas and that helped me feel better about leaving. I cried driving back but when I got into town I was listening to Sam's Town by The Killers and I took it was a sign I have to be here, at least for a minute.
But I am just happy to be alive. I went to Dallas to grow up and that happened ten fold. I at least know that I can land on my feet in crisis. I know I have a home to go to and not to take that for granted. I learned what real friends are. I learned what I really want out of love.
Since I have been back I have been thinking about a lot of things. Especially this past weekend, I had so much fun I realized I needed to be living more than I was. I like that I take more chances and I want to travel. I think this year even by default will be beautiful because the sun will still rise and set, and that's just fine by me, I just want to be there to see it.