sleeping is the only salvation I have.
I realized the past few days I am going to be alone. I never have been alone either. Its not like it was this choice its that I think fate makes you meet certain to make you into who you are supposed to be. Its just know I am a different person. I hate to say but I am. I think maybe my eyes have been closed for a long time. I used to talk to Lance and he would say that I was always with someone and that I should be alone its not worth the time and trouble. But whats funny about that I am offically forced into that. Its weird that I am in that place and now he doesn't talk to me anymore so I can't tell him that I had to take that advice. But I think what he didn't realize that I wasn't in that part of my life yet.
I have been out every single night since me and Leslie broke up. I mean thats more than ever and I go somewhere different every night and have met so many people. I mean thats what people live for to a certain extent. But its seems all the same to me. I mean thats what you are suppose at my age but it seems old already to me. I think it was that I realized that I am lonely and heartbroken.
Richard asked to tonight how I was and he also asked me how could I have fallen head over heals after 3 months. It was good timing for me. Refreshing. I could be myself and emjoy each others company when it did happen.
I had it the other day when we spoke face to face. How could a person what such horrible things and not love?
I think its going to be funny when I get my tattoo finished, we have the same artist and I am going to blame him for our breakup because he rather spend money and time on that than me. Maybe I could get a discount plus I get to bad mouth his name to someone.
Why do I still care? Because it lingers. Because I live to love someone.Thats what it is. It sucks because people like me get stepped on.
The last few days have been better and I still feel horrible. Like I wanted to cry today but I wouldn't let myself. I don't want him to win. I don't. I want him to regret what happened and it be too late. Just like all the others that did this to me. He needs to feel even a tenth of what I do. I already see it even a year later he will realize what his life has become and by then I might be gone.
I am starting conseling the coming up week and they seem really nice. I just need help all around. Like I am so lost its bad. Like people were saying how bad I looked and acted the past week, its weird to have people talk about you.
I am havinga hard time finishing because I toom too many sleeping pills because I just want to sleep and stop thinking. Like many what is killing will be gone the next morning.
Its sucks that my eternal sunshine of the spotless mind is gone. Because thats exactly how I feel at this moment I just want it to be erased. But not forever just for now.
I talked to Matt the other night. A few people rolled their eyes when I said I did but what you have to understand is that Matt is one of a very few that really get what I am about. Its scary and we can talk for hours. I just felt relieved because he would understand how I felt and would tell me good things. And he did. I told him to stay a weekend. I haven't seen him in two years.It was funny because we still think about each other everyday like its mutal. I am not sure if it love in a romantic sense but love none the less.
I like to the think about the people I can't live without. People that make me light up. People that finish my sentences and the kind that have endless conversations with me because thats real love to me.
My head hurts. So does my heart.
I have been out every single night since me and Leslie broke up. I mean thats more than ever and I go somewhere different every night and have met so many people. I mean thats what people live for to a certain extent. But its seems all the same to me. I mean thats what you are suppose at my age but it seems old already to me. I think it was that I realized that I am lonely and heartbroken.
Richard asked to tonight how I was and he also asked me how could I have fallen head over heals after 3 months. It was good timing for me. Refreshing. I could be myself and emjoy each others company when it did happen.
I had it the other day when we spoke face to face. How could a person what such horrible things and not love?
I think its going to be funny when I get my tattoo finished, we have the same artist and I am going to blame him for our breakup because he rather spend money and time on that than me. Maybe I could get a discount plus I get to bad mouth his name to someone.
Why do I still care? Because it lingers. Because I live to love someone.Thats what it is. It sucks because people like me get stepped on.
The last few days have been better and I still feel horrible. Like I wanted to cry today but I wouldn't let myself. I don't want him to win. I don't. I want him to regret what happened and it be too late. Just like all the others that did this to me. He needs to feel even a tenth of what I do. I already see it even a year later he will realize what his life has become and by then I might be gone.
I am starting conseling the coming up week and they seem really nice. I just need help all around. Like I am so lost its bad. Like people were saying how bad I looked and acted the past week, its weird to have people talk about you.
I am havinga hard time finishing because I toom too many sleeping pills because I just want to sleep and stop thinking. Like many what is killing will be gone the next morning.
Its sucks that my eternal sunshine of the spotless mind is gone. Because thats exactly how I feel at this moment I just want it to be erased. But not forever just for now.
I talked to Matt the other night. A few people rolled their eyes when I said I did but what you have to understand is that Matt is one of a very few that really get what I am about. Its scary and we can talk for hours. I just felt relieved because he would understand how I felt and would tell me good things. And he did. I told him to stay a weekend. I haven't seen him in two years.It was funny because we still think about each other everyday like its mutal. I am not sure if it love in a romantic sense but love none the less.
I like to the think about the people I can't live without. People that make me light up. People that finish my sentences and the kind that have endless conversations with me because thats real love to me.
My head hurts. So does my heart.