......i love lamp.........
i think that i have been wanting to write something for a week and a half now but i have been so many places at once when i got down to it i went blank or was too tired.
these couple of weeks have been a bit weird. i learned a lot of things change and some don't. where i left off wanting to write was that I saw matt randomly at three in the morning last tueday. he called and he said he was around the corner from my house passing through austin.well i said he could come by because i have a few things i want to tell him. but when he was there i just kept looking at him like he will never ever get it and it scares me about the person he turned into.the reason why he was there was one his friends wanted to go plus he was looking score something to get fucked up on. but what sticks out in my mind was that when carlos said i was adorable because that kid used to hate me and when matt gave me a hug and he said " its okay because i hurt too." NO he doesn't, he might but not to the extent that he hurt me. i know that he is not all to blame i made all those decisions, but to take some money and say they someone less when they are with someone else, and treat your friends that way after they do you a big favor...he didn't get it at all. i really didn't get to say much like i wanted because there were people around but i did tell him that he hurt me like no one has hurt me before and i don't know if i can ever forgive him for that.
but i really don't care that much anymore knowing that he is going to live that life from now on and that i am moving on with mine obviously.
things have been really go with sean so far. usually when i am with someone i can point out there flaws and can determine whats going to happen, but this time i don't see anything of the sort. i jusy enjoy being with him no matter what and its still fun and its funny because i didn't think i would be so into this much.its just been really hard to find someone on the same page as me because i obviously tend to date people that are bad for me and stick around too long than i should. but it was funny because i wasn't expecting much to happen from this because he didn't know me and vice versa....well expect i did want to make out with him because he was so fucking hot...but i was expecting things to go this far is my point. yeah its been a month but i smooth non dramatic month which is something new and nice for me honestly. he's not dramatic, he's not an asshole, and he adores me. it's pretty simple but most guys have a hard time with it. life is funny thats way.
but it sucks when i heard the other day at work when i heard that people were doubting we would last, okay i know i have had quite a few boyfriends (average about 1-2 a year) but i am trying to find something real and thats hard and i hate being talked about good or bad so that kind of irked me a bit. plus supposedly i was being a bitch to people and all this crap so i was kind of glad to get out of there when i needed to get my wisdom teeth removed.
that REALLY sucked. for one this was suppose to happen weeks ago! second i got poked with an IV over ten times and it sucked. but this time it was easy process my doctor was hella cool (plus he called me himself to check on me which is great because it shows that doctors do care about their patients) and i was knocked out. but it sucks because i can't eat much and it hurts pretty bad since my lower jaw were sideways.i hate painkillers and it sucks. but i also had this great idea that since i was going to be on painkillers to go get my tattoo because i got it on my back and maybe by chance it would hurt less.yeah that didn't happen. well to make this all better we were running late because the movie we were watching was interesting and he had to pick up baron. then we side swiped a car when we were trying to park under the 6th street bridge.major suckage and sean freaked out and that guy was kind a prick because we just scratched him car and cracked a headlight cover and he made it sound like he wanted a paintjob how lame. but sean feels bad but he was doing me a favor by driving me cause of the medicine and my car was fine.
the tattoo hurt like a bitch....just the outine though. shading i could sleep through but it was pretty crazy and i was shaking a bit and i felt bad because that dude scott had to hold parts of my skin down because of it but it was worth it, it turned out awesome. i just did the outline because that took three hours already. but i haven't finished it because i want color. but i haven't broke it to my parents yet because i know they are going to give me shit about and why i need to do that to my body crap. but it still sucks on that level. its my blood my pain my beauty my body.
i think i am going to gather pictures from this past year and post them up just for some memories when i get a chance and hopefully i will have some new pictures up for everyone. i love you all. night.
these couple of weeks have been a bit weird. i learned a lot of things change and some don't. where i left off wanting to write was that I saw matt randomly at three in the morning last tueday. he called and he said he was around the corner from my house passing through austin.well i said he could come by because i have a few things i want to tell him. but when he was there i just kept looking at him like he will never ever get it and it scares me about the person he turned into.the reason why he was there was one his friends wanted to go plus he was looking score something to get fucked up on. but what sticks out in my mind was that when carlos said i was adorable because that kid used to hate me and when matt gave me a hug and he said " its okay because i hurt too." NO he doesn't, he might but not to the extent that he hurt me. i know that he is not all to blame i made all those decisions, but to take some money and say they someone less when they are with someone else, and treat your friends that way after they do you a big favor...he didn't get it at all. i really didn't get to say much like i wanted because there were people around but i did tell him that he hurt me like no one has hurt me before and i don't know if i can ever forgive him for that.
but i really don't care that much anymore knowing that he is going to live that life from now on and that i am moving on with mine obviously.
things have been really go with sean so far. usually when i am with someone i can point out there flaws and can determine whats going to happen, but this time i don't see anything of the sort. i jusy enjoy being with him no matter what and its still fun and its funny because i didn't think i would be so into this much.its just been really hard to find someone on the same page as me because i obviously tend to date people that are bad for me and stick around too long than i should. but it was funny because i wasn't expecting much to happen from this because he didn't know me and vice versa....well expect i did want to make out with him because he was so fucking hot...but i was expecting things to go this far is my point. yeah its been a month but i smooth non dramatic month which is something new and nice for me honestly. he's not dramatic, he's not an asshole, and he adores me. it's pretty simple but most guys have a hard time with it. life is funny thats way.
but it sucks when i heard the other day at work when i heard that people were doubting we would last, okay i know i have had quite a few boyfriends (average about 1-2 a year) but i am trying to find something real and thats hard and i hate being talked about good or bad so that kind of irked me a bit. plus supposedly i was being a bitch to people and all this crap so i was kind of glad to get out of there when i needed to get my wisdom teeth removed.
that REALLY sucked. for one this was suppose to happen weeks ago! second i got poked with an IV over ten times and it sucked. but this time it was easy process my doctor was hella cool (plus he called me himself to check on me which is great because it shows that doctors do care about their patients) and i was knocked out. but it sucks because i can't eat much and it hurts pretty bad since my lower jaw were sideways.i hate painkillers and it sucks. but i also had this great idea that since i was going to be on painkillers to go get my tattoo because i got it on my back and maybe by chance it would hurt less.yeah that didn't happen. well to make this all better we were running late because the movie we were watching was interesting and he had to pick up baron. then we side swiped a car when we were trying to park under the 6th street bridge.major suckage and sean freaked out and that guy was kind a prick because we just scratched him car and cracked a headlight cover and he made it sound like he wanted a paintjob how lame. but sean feels bad but he was doing me a favor by driving me cause of the medicine and my car was fine.
the tattoo hurt like a bitch....just the outine though. shading i could sleep through but it was pretty crazy and i was shaking a bit and i felt bad because that dude scott had to hold parts of my skin down because of it but it was worth it, it turned out awesome. i just did the outline because that took three hours already. but i haven't finished it because i want color. but i haven't broke it to my parents yet because i know they are going to give me shit about and why i need to do that to my body crap. but it still sucks on that level. its my blood my pain my beauty my body.
i think i am going to gather pictures from this past year and post them up just for some memories when i get a chance and hopefully i will have some new pictures up for everyone. i love you all. night.