day number 4.......
Okay I know people are going to think I am crazy but you know what I might be at this point with semi-good reason.Well last night I stayed home obviously and waited for Matt to call. And he didn't I cried. Then I woke up this afternoon from the next night 13 hours of sleep. I was feeling okay for the most part. I decided that I would get up and get my oil changed in my car because I think it was struggling.Well I went and did this with my mom and it turns out that this guy Kenneth I knew in high school worked there and did the oil changed in my car and all I could think about was the time I threatened to kick his ass in front of my whole biology in 9th grade. I was like great he might fuck with my car because of that but then again we were kind cool ever since EVEN THOUGH he framed my friend Justin who supposedly was going to bomb our high school yeah fucking right. Yeah I don't forget shit ever and good and a bad thing in my book.But my mom took me to get some clothes with I got some bitchin' plaid pants and I want a hat now....then I got chipotle tacos. I am trying really fucking hard.
I went to work and I still have my phone on me at all times.Still nothing. Well the night went on and John was trying to get information out of me about why I have been acting strange/depressed. I told him and he doesn't get it oh well. So I called my best friend Becka and she was working at Starbucks the same time I was (how ironic)and she said she would call me back. I was about to leave work and she called so I clocked out and went out to my car as fast as I could. Then I sat there in my car doorway and started balling about the whole thing to her and John saw me cry.Fuck. But she said I did the right thing by him leaving but I should not let it get to me just like everyone else. Trust me I have tried to do that every second of the past few days.But I know he did some shitty things and frankly so did I. But what some people don't understand sometimes you don't choose the ones you love it just happens. I love Matt and you know what maybe I shouldn't but all I know is that I can't live without him. Yeah its stupid I know but thats how I feel.
So after I am balling my eyes out and tell John to go home not to worry about me...I get a call from a Midland area code so I freak out. But its not Matt its his best friend John Curry asking where Matt was. So I got really histerical because why doesn't he know where Matt is and thats his best friend. Plus I think Joh lives somewhat near the bus station so I am really freaked out. I think I am going to break down and call his mom tomorrow. I am scared to hear what she has to say. Either he got there okay and I am going to feel so stupid or something did happen and I am going to be even more of a wreck. But John said that the minute he hears from him he would defintely call me...I hope he means that. But I honestly don't know what else to think because we left on good terms from what I understand and he told me he loved me and that he would call me when he got there. I am just praying god he did.
On another completely off the subject note: I love the new GAP commercials because Brandon Boyd from Incubus(my OTHER true love) sings part of Elvis Costello's" Allison" and god it gives me the chills and makes me want to cream all over myself. So to prove to the world he does know my name finally.
But yeah this sucks.......and I am going to bed hoping something good with happen and we know what that is.
I went to work and I still have my phone on me at all times.Still nothing. Well the night went on and John was trying to get information out of me about why I have been acting strange/depressed. I told him and he doesn't get it oh well. So I called my best friend Becka and she was working at Starbucks the same time I was (how ironic)and she said she would call me back. I was about to leave work and she called so I clocked out and went out to my car as fast as I could. Then I sat there in my car doorway and started balling about the whole thing to her and John saw me cry.Fuck. But she said I did the right thing by him leaving but I should not let it get to me just like everyone else. Trust me I have tried to do that every second of the past few days.But I know he did some shitty things and frankly so did I. But what some people don't understand sometimes you don't choose the ones you love it just happens. I love Matt and you know what maybe I shouldn't but all I know is that I can't live without him. Yeah its stupid I know but thats how I feel.
So after I am balling my eyes out and tell John to go home not to worry about me...I get a call from a Midland area code so I freak out. But its not Matt its his best friend John Curry asking where Matt was. So I got really histerical because why doesn't he know where Matt is and thats his best friend. Plus I think Joh lives somewhat near the bus station so I am really freaked out. I think I am going to break down and call his mom tomorrow. I am scared to hear what she has to say. Either he got there okay and I am going to feel so stupid or something did happen and I am going to be even more of a wreck. But John said that the minute he hears from him he would defintely call me...I hope he means that. But I honestly don't know what else to think because we left on good terms from what I understand and he told me he loved me and that he would call me when he got there. I am just praying god he did.
On another completely off the subject note: I love the new GAP commercials because Brandon Boyd from Incubus(my OTHER true love) sings part of Elvis Costello's" Allison" and god it gives me the chills and makes me want to cream all over myself. So to prove to the world he does know my name finally.
But yeah this sucks.......and I am going to bed hoping something good with happen and we know what that is.