(no subject)
Last night was so bad. See, my little sister Nikki
brought up the fact that she wanted to take my step brother, Wyatt, to
VBS (vacation bible school), so my mom started talking about how Wyatt
didn't know God and he needed to. So, she was like, "I think that we
should all go to church at least 2 times a month, it doesn't have to be
Kassy's church but we should still go." And my step dad, Dwaine, said
he doesn't want to go to church because he doesn't believe in organized
religion. And all of that brought up a really bad fight. About how that
satan was talking in Dwaine, and I mean they brought up some stupid old
shit. I mean seriously. It was the dumbest reason to fight. There is
just too much shit to write down. Afterwards I started screaming and
yelling at God for screwing up my life. I took my bibles out of my
room, and was going to give up on him, and all of religion. I was
pissed. I couldn't stop crying. I just didn't understand why someone
would choose such a bad life for me. I still don't understand, but I'm
now over it. I prayed to God to forgive me for yelling and screaming
and all the crap I did, I just felt SO bad, I had to pray. I was just
upset and it wasn't his fault, he gives us choices, people just choose
to choose the wrong choices. Oh, that was confusing........choose to
choose the wrong choices. LOL! But, yeah I guess I'm feeling better
now. I'm just sick of all the shit in my life. I swear I was about to
kill myself last night. I want a somewhat normal life. But with my
family, and their issues, I can't. Oh, and my good for nothing fucking
dad!!!!!!! He doesn't want us to visit him because he has no money.
WTF! When does it have to do with money, I know because my stupid
little sister left a message saying she wanted us to come over and
maybe he could BUY US CLOTHES! WHAT?!?!?!? I mean, what a stupid thing
to say when asking to visit the person who helped make you. Well, now
my stupid dad thinks it's all about the money and won't let us come
visit him. He's my friggen dad! I don't understand him. I just also,
sometimes wish he was out of my life, but then something bad could
happen and I'd feel responsible. Well, I better go. Buh Bye!