this week
Okay, well it has been quite interesting. It's been very up and down again, and im determined to stop having weeks like that. I decided to give anthony space, and im realy going to try and back off. I know i love him, but we are only in highschool, and i shouldnt be this attached to him. I dont try and know everything, but he thinks i do, it frustrates me that ppl just like to tell me stuff about him... its like i dont need to hear it from you, if he wants to tell me he will. No one tells him stuff with me and im glad, cause damn thats just fricken annoying. I'm glad i dont work with anyone from south... as much as i love south ppl. I think i might go to mukwonago next year though. Idk though... i just think it might help me... i cant stand feeling the way i always do now... i love my boy to death, but when i talked to him today i totally understood where he was coming from i just wish i could feel the same way as he does... he's like im gonna stop taking away your life, cause he thinks he's doing that to me... but the thing is he is whats important to me now... i just dont think i am that much to him... i love him and eerything about him, and i hope that everything can be all good with us. I hope we can cool it and still have a great relatinoship... it will be hard but i know i can do it cause he's the one i love and the only one i want to be with so i will do ne thing to make it work. I'm going to stop hurting myself though... its not fair to me to always be sad... i am a happy fun kinda gal,, and i havent been so much lately, so im gonna change that! Tomorrow i am going with my family to chicago so that shall be tight:) lol... wow... i do take things way to seriously and read way to far into things! gosh let me get over things... he's fricken with me for a reason... i think i'll briefly explain all this to him when hje calls... because if i say this much it will be like whoa... especially after i already went rambling on earlyier! i wish i just wouldnt take everything so damn hard/seriosu! It's just ive been with him for so long i dont know what itd be like to come home and not call him... not be with him... not kiss him... not have him hold me... i think he's wonderin the same thing.. but like more like ohhh i want that... where as me... i just want things to be good. I know he's the one i love... but i think that is what scares him! i think he knows he loves me too, but is only 16 and doesnt want to have to deal with this crazy ass serious relationship! So with as much as i love him... i have to let go a little... cause you know what if i truly love him.. that means i want him to be happy, no matter what that means. and know what i really feel that about him... he's the only one ive ever really loved! it scares me im so serious... but because im scared about it i run to him... which just makes me even more so! well i think im gonna go call and leave him a message about this! I love him! and yeah! peace:)