[fic] Chapter 3 - Neighbourly love
Title: Neighbourly Love - Chapter 3
Authors: locofruitcake & jadexscandal
Length: 03/??
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong, Yoochun/Junsu (in later chapters)
Rating: NC-17 (for this chapter)
Genre: fluff, angst, drama, romance (for this chapter)
Warning: insinuations to rape
Summary: As a victim of domestic violence Kim Jaejoong and his 5 year old son Changmin move away from Seoul for a brand new life. After being abused, mentally and physically by his former partner, he can finally start a new life after 5 years of marriage and 6 months of struggling with the police and the court. But of course, after being mistreated for such a long time, his trust for other human beings has been damaged and left a huge scar. He promised himself to never fall in love again. But what happens when he meets his neighbor, Jung Yunho?
Disclaimer: Don’t own anything.
A/N: (manda) finally! The story behind Jae and his spouse’s love story is revealed! ^____^ (kristel) it took us some time (mostly my fault =___=) but it's here 8DD!
Previous: 00. || 01. || 02.
The black and white sonogram opened the floodgates of the past and brought back unwanted waves of memories; of things he tried so hard to forget, but failed miserably every single time he tried. They haunted his dreams incessantly, cruelly forcing him to relive those years of unspeakable fear and horror.
Jaejoong let out a tiny whimper as a scar burnt deep inside him, giving off an agonizing pain that wasn’t going to fade any time soon.
The softness of the blankets wrapped around him like a protective shield, and he sighed in his sleep, deeply and tinged with despair, as he unconsciously wallowed deeper into the bedding. Even in sleep, he was ever searching for a refuge.
It had been 5 years, 5 years of complete torture. Day in and day out, he had lived with fearing for his own life, and worst of all, fearing for his son’s life. His existence prior to this had been one big mess of broken promises, mistakes and changes. He had thought that his salvation wouldn’t come any time soon, that God must have hated him. Thankfully, he got a chance to run away from all of it.
Still, it had a much bigger impact on him than he thought. Even now, while he laid prone and vulnerable in sleep, the dark shadows of his past loomed at the edges of his consciousness and crept into his dreams.
---
It was a day filled with happiness, the skies a brilliant cornflower blue as the sun’s rays shone down steadily, the air filled with the heady scent of blooming roses and champagne; a wedding. Jaejoong had been there with his whole family on the special day his sister would take her marital vows. Her wedding gown was a lovely off-white that showed off the smooth creaminess of her skin, the embroidery at the neckline enhancing the feminine lines that traced her collar. The silk gloves that she wore as she walked onto the burgundy carpet shone, a pretty contrast as she laid her right hand in their father’s tanned palm. He watched as they exchanged glances, the love between father and daughter evident in their eyes, and a lump emerged at his throat. As he looked at her walking down the aisle, stunning in her natural beauty, together with their father, he thought that at that moment, life was perfect. Marriage was something he’d always dreamt off, something he was longing for. Unknown to him, the man he was going to share his life with was in the same room.
The wedding ceremony had ended beautifully in a mixture of happy tears and excited cheers, together with a couple of stray catcalls, and like all good weddings, it came with an awesome after party. Jaejoong enjoyed himself as he met new people and spoke to relatives he hadn’t seen in a long time. Then, his eyes met another that was twinkling and full of mischief. The man was tall, more than a head taller than him, his skin was a delicious café au lait, and a full mouth decorated the handsome face that was grinning devilishly at him. Jaejoong was suddenly flustered, captured by butterflies in his stomach, and he felt his cheeks colour red as the mysterious waiter handed him a goblet of chilly champagne.
The whole evening, Jaejoong was searching for eye contact, thinking of a way to start a conversation with the guy. But it didn’t take long before the other took the first step. From a simple conversation, one where Jaejoong stuttered and blushed and the waiter charmed and enticed, Jaejoong could already tell that he was the one. As naïve as it was, Jaejoong believed in love at first sight.
And the mysterious waiter seemed to be everything he wished for.
Lee Hyunki.
After a conversation came exchanging phone numbers, after exchanging numbers came dates and in the end they started living together. Hyunki seemed to be the perfect guy, bright, tall, and handsome. Just perfect.
Hyunki would treat him like a royalty, like a princess, if that would fit. Their relationship was built steadily out of roses, chocolate, candle light dinners and sex -
A rose a day awaited him on his doorstep from the night they met until their 100th day anniversary, where a gorgeous bouquet of a hundred blood-red roses appeared;
Hyunki reminded him of the chocolates he loved to nibble on, dark, bittersweet and dangerous, with a tantalizing aftertaste, always leaving him hankering for more;
They would hold hands across the table as the orange glow of the candles lit the space between them, shadows flitting across their faces as they whispered sweet nothings and fed each other the best off their plates;
He thought that he would drown every time they made love, Hyunki’s skin smouldering against his, burning desire coming alive at the touch of his fingertips, as full-mouthed kisses smothered him -
The perfect relationship, just like how Jaejoong liked to call it. It couldn’t get any better, when after a year of experimenting and discovering each other, Hyunki proposed. Jaejoong had let out an uncontrollable laugh, then sobbed as glittering, joyous tears made their way down his cheeks. He had flung himself against Hyunki, wrapping his arms around his future spouse’s neck, planting kisses everywhere he could reach, fingers already tugging at his clothes; he’ll never forget the overwhelming sense of bliss that kept him spellbound as they celebrated their engagement.
Jaejoong’s dream came true. He had his beautiful marriage, their complete family of two, and of course, his Hyunki.
Roses, chocolate, candle light dinners and happiness.
Just like how the cynics tell it, this perfect happiness didn’t last long.
The unexpected, painful events came as soon as they decided to have children. After all that they went through to get a child, the tears, insecurities and disappointments, Changmin was Jaejoong’s treasure, the most beautiful little boy he had ever seen. He was his life. Hyunki had quit his waiter’s job (one that he had picked up out of rebellion) and gave in to working for his father’s company, the steady income enough to put bread on the table and allowed them to live comfortable. Jaejoong would spend his days taking care of the house and his precious little baby.
Slowly but surely, the dynamics of the newly married couple changed. Hyunki would be at work the whole day and wouldn’t come home until dinner, while Jaejoong would be exhausted from caring for a baby by the end of the day. The couple would only see each other early in the morning, during dinner and before going to bed. A completely different scenario from what they had imagined, their dreary wedded life a mockery to the day they had exchanged their vows in front of their loved ones as they stood - Jaejoong, dazzling in white and Hyunki, suave in black - and proclaimed their love to the world.
Their lives changed.
Fate, being a fickle master, tugged at the strings that held them captive, and brought their lives further into the endless pit of misery. The tough times caused by a sudden financial crisis meant that Hyunki’s company had to close down. Of course, the man was devastated by the sudden circumstances; the failure crushed his pride and widened the gap that separated them. But there was more behind their distance.
Changmin formed a big obstacle for Hyunki.
Since the child was born Jaejoong would spend more time taking care of the child than giving special attention to his husband, like he used to, and the man was taking it personally. His jealousy took over his common sense, causing him to clamp his mouth shut and not talk about it. Instead, he let his dissatisfaction simmer until it ate away at him. Night after night, he would brood over how the child had changed Jaejoong. It was unfair! He had even been the one to find the surrogate they needed for them to have the child, and this was what he got in return?!
His patience thinned and broke, and one day, as Jaejoong was about to leave their room in the middle of the night as Changmin’s cries filled the house, he had gripped Jaejoong’s wrist and pulled him back on the bed, stripping him of his clothes. Jaejoong had fought back and left him with trails of bleeding scratches on his body, but it didn’t stop him, his blind rage fuelling his strength and blocking out Jaejoong’s pleading cries. Only after he was done, as he stared at the sick mixture of cum and blood trickling out of Jaejoong did he realize what he had done. He laid on his side of the bed, back facing his spouse and listened as Jaejoong and Changmin’s cries blended together into a heartbreaking symphony of betrayal.
That was the first time Hyunki raped Jaejoong.
Despite the guilt he felt, Hyunki started forcing Jaejoong into things, forced him to spend more time with him and leave the baby be, even if he was wailing his head off. Jaejoong tried repeatedly to make him see reason, but that would only intensify Hyunki’s jealousy, which would result in another bout of bloody rape.
Almost nightly, Hyunki would force him into sex. After that first time, Jaejoong had tried to keep his distance, but Hyunki had effectively broken down his guard by threatening to hurt Changmin if he rejected his advances. Jaejoong had begged him to leave Changmin out of it, refusing the possibility of his precious baby getting hurt, but Hyunki had only reminded him of his “duties as a spouse”, and there Jaejoong was, trapped by jealousy and fear, steadily losing the power struggle to his dominant other half.
He got scolded, abused and worn out, all because of this inane jealousy. Jealousy of the love a man cherished for his son. The deep emotional and physical scars that had been left all over Jaejoong’s body were invisible to people who didn’t know his dirty secret. On the surface, he was living a comfortable life as a stay-home spouse, with the perfect husband and child. After every bout of violence, Hyunki would coax him with flowers and candy, and heartfelt apologies, letting the flicker of hope in Jaejoong re-alight, making him think that maybe, just maybe, Hyunki would be different tomorrow.
He allowed himself to cherish this stupid hope, bearing with the brunt of Hyunki’s cruelties as he found solace in his son, his bundle of joy. He could put up with anything as long as he had Changmin. That was until one night when Hyunki had come bursting through the front door and stomped over as soon as he saw him sitting the floor playing with the child. He had grabbed the child out of his arms and flung him aside, ignored Jaejoong’s shout of horror and taken him right there, with the boy screaming in pain and shock right next to him. Jaejoong could only remember shrieking at Changmin, begging him to close his eyes and shut out the sounds with his fingers. Changmin had stared at him wide-eyed as Hyunki proceeded to strip him naked, before he acquiesced to his Umma’s requests, tears running down his baby cheeks all the while. After his husband raped him, Hyunki had gathered his clothes and left the house again, leaving Jaejoong to cradle Changmin to his chest, broken and sick to his heart that Hyunki had finally hurt their child.
Jaejoong had reached his limit; hurting Changmin was the last straw for him, the final push for him to leave this hellhole. Tears streaming down his cheeks, hopelessness eating away at his gut, he picked up the receiver of his phone and called his parents, pleading with them to pick him up as soon as possible. The distraught and desperation was so evident in his voice that they didn’t hesitate, agreeing immediately to come.
Jaejoong griped his son to his chest so tightly that he wriggled in objection, even as he continued sobbing out his fear, his cries echoing around the darkened living room and bringing Jaejoong out of his trance. While the tears kept coming, Jaejoong shushed his son with gentle murmurs and tender kisses, heaving a sigh of relief that Hyunki’s violence hadn’t injured their - no, his - son too badly; a little bump at the back of his head was the only evidence.
He gathered his things quickly, making sure to only take things he needed - birth documents, passports, clothes that they both needed and a couple of toys for his young son. He saw a small, framed picture of Hyunki and him, arms around each other’s waist, eyes locked. As his hand hovered over the picture, trembling from hesitation, he could remember exactly what Hyunki had said when they took that shot, three months after their marriage -
“I love you, Jae.”
“What do you love about me?”
“Everything. From head to toe, right to left; your eyes, your smile, your laughter…”
And Jaejoong had shut him up with a kiss, his laughter going straight into his lover’s mouth, and they had giggled themselves silly over the cheesiness of their love -
The insistent ringing of the doorbell pulled him out of his memories, and he blinked away the fresh batch of hot tears before his fingers touched the frame and brought it facedown onto the dresser. They were over.
He opened the door to the faces of two anxious parents, worries etched into their faces, and he had to choke back a sob before falling into the safety of his mother’s arms, losing the battle against the flood of tears. He heard tiny scuffles as his father bent down to pick Changmin up, his son’s small, frightened whisper of “Harabeoji” breaking his heart, and he cried harder, wetting the front of his mother’s blouse as she held him tighter, tears of worry and sadness joining his.
They led him to their car, where he cuddled in the backseat with Changmin, embroiled in his own thoughts. His parents kept their silence, figuring there was more than enough time to talk when they got home, and Jaejoong cried some more, thankful for their unyielding support.
---
Their hands were intertwined tightly as they crossed the street, Changmin tugging on his father's arm and squeaking highly. “Umma~ Faster, I'm going to be late!”
Jaejoong chuckled as he admired his son's enthusiasm. It would be little Changmin's first day at his new school. He'd been rambling about it non-stop for the last 24 hours and it was finally the day. At the big, iron school gate he stopped, receiving a pout from his son. “Of course you're not going to be late baby, we still have plenty of time left.” He ruffled through the boy's soft, jet-black hair.
“But Umma, I want to be early! Then I can already play a little... I hope my teacher is nice.”
“I'm sure he's nice, Minnie, don't worry about it.”
Changmin smiled brightly as he hugged his father's legs. “Okay, Umma!”
He knew he was just saying that to make Changmin feel comfortable, he didn't want him to get scared of school or his teacher. Deep in his heart though, Jaejoong was worried sick, not knowing who would be teaching his child. He had to make sure his child would be safe. “Now Minnie, let's go.”
“Yes, Umma!”
As he stepped into the compound of the pre-school, Jaejoong felt some of his anxiety fade away. The place was positively ringing with the high-pitched squeals that only children could get away with, thundering footsteps gave an indication that there were kids chasing each other in their games, and paintings decorated the walls of the school, the amateurish lines and distorted replicas of flowers and butterflies saying that these children drew them. Jaejoong couldn’t help but smile a little. This place felt safe, safe enough for both of them.
He looked around the busy compound, and saw that the place was packed with children of different ages, most of them accompanied by their parents. Jaejoong pulled Changmin closer and searched for the classroom. When he finally found the room, he let out a small sigh. Why was he the one being so nervous over this? He wasn't the one going to school, was he?
As he took the first step into the classroom, with Changmin still at his side, he was overwhelmed by the high volume of children's laughs, cries and giggles, the running all around him, there were no longer any walls to block out some of the sounds, and his ears winced at the treatment. Like the exterior of the school, the classroom was filled with a colourful ambience and in the middle of all the disarray, stood a man who was waiting to welcome them.
“Ah, you must be Kim Changmin, am I right?” The young teacher kneeled down to greet the little boy. Changmin giggled as he wiggled bashfully, before nodding his head slowly. “Don't be shy, Changmin-ah! I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time here.”
Jaejoong had to admit, even though he felt a little uncomfortable, that the nice-looking, young teacher didn't seem like a bad guy. He had a sort of aura hanging around him that made him smile just a little. The guy got back on his feet and reached his hand out to him.
“I'm Kim Junsu, it's really nice meeting you.”
Slow and steadily, Jaejoong took the hand and shook it, before quickly taking his hand back, hoping that the teacher didn’t notice his reluctance. “I… I'm Kim Jaejoong, I hope you'll take good care of Changmin...”
“Oh, don't worry about that, Jaejoong-shii.” Junsu said, beaming a bright smile back at him. “Your son will be safe with me. Changmin-ah looks like the kind of kid who'll get along with the others well.”
“…That's great to hear.” Relieved, he slowly released his grip on Changmin's hand and sent him off to play with his classmates with a kiss on his forehead and a pat on his behind. He grinned when Changmin widened his eyes and gave him a look of childish horror at his Umma’s display of parental love before his son scurried away, heading straight for the toy box.
He looked on with satisfaction as Changmin started chattering away with another little boy, felt the turmoil in his stomach calm down, before he turned back to face the teacher, scrutinizing him secretly. Kim Junsu didn't seem like a bad guy. The young man with the mocca-brown hair, cute dimples and friendly eyes made him feel at ease. But still, was he going too fast again? Was he putting his trust - his son! - in this guy too soon?
“Jaejoong... I love you.”
Headache, those bloody flashbacks were giving him a headache.
“Jaejoong-shii? Are you alright?” Junsu asked him, with an edge of worry in his voice. “You look a little pale.”
Jaejoong quickly lifted his head and told the man he was fine, a big-ass lie of course.
“I assure you, Jaejoong-shii.” The teacher told him, sounding as honest as the day, “I'll take good care of your son, I'll treat him like my own child and make sure he doesn’t get in trouble.”
“... Okay, then... I guess I should just leave now.”
Junsu nodded and quickly called out for Changmin. It was time for the little boy to say goodbye to his father.
Changmin hesitated for a moment, torn between his future status in the pre-school (he wanted to be the cool boy!) and his love for his father. Jaejoong snickered when Changmin’s face suddenly filled with determination as he made his choice, sparing his 5-year-old mind the agony of indecision. He flung his little arms around his father's waist and his pink lips reached up, as Jaejoong bent down, to peck Jaejoong's several times. “I love you, Umma.”
“I love you too, sweetie.” Jaejoong whispered softly in his ear. “Promise you'll be good? I'll pick you up in the afternoon.”
It was weird to leave his baby behind. They'd been inseparable for such a long time, and now he had to leave Changmin with kids of his age, in a strange place where he'll hopefully learn a thing or two about life.
He was going to learn how to read, write and get along with other kids. It would be a big step forward in their life. Jaejoong wanted Changmin to grow up as a good adult. Still, he was unable to completely let go of the aching fear that coiled in the furthest ends of his consciousness. He was scared, scared of the unknown.
He set his jaw as he walked out of the classroom. He had to learn to let go of Changmin, learn to give him space to grow. He could do it, even if it’s little by little, he’ll do it.
Baby steps, Jae, baby steps.
---
Kristel says: Yay XD, I love long chapters~ We put a lot of thought in Jae's past, you know. We wanted you all to know how Jae suffered after such a blissful beginning of a new life. Love can mislead you at every time! As for Junsu's first appearance XD I think I'm going to love him! Hope you guys will enjoy it!
Manda says: A super duper long chapter! D: I really enjoyed writing about Hyunki and Jaejoong’s past. I guess I wanted you guys to see that Hyunki was not always the violent person he is now and they did have something beautiful, but also that the littlest things can set off big changes in a person. And, yay to the introduction of Junsu! ^^
Authors: locofruitcake & jadexscandal
Length: 03/??
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong, Yoochun/Junsu (in later chapters)
Rating: NC-17 (for this chapter)
Genre: fluff, angst, drama, romance (for this chapter)
Warning: insinuations to rape
Summary: As a victim of domestic violence Kim Jaejoong and his 5 year old son Changmin move away from Seoul for a brand new life. After being abused, mentally and physically by his former partner, he can finally start a new life after 5 years of marriage and 6 months of struggling with the police and the court. But of course, after being mistreated for such a long time, his trust for other human beings has been damaged and left a huge scar. He promised himself to never fall in love again. But what happens when he meets his neighbor, Jung Yunho?
Disclaimer: Don’t own anything.
A/N: (manda) finally! The story behind Jae and his spouse’s love story is revealed! ^____^ (kristel) it took us some time (mostly my fault =___=) but it's here 8DD!
Previous: 00. || 01. || 02.
The black and white sonogram opened the floodgates of the past and brought back unwanted waves of memories; of things he tried so hard to forget, but failed miserably every single time he tried. They haunted his dreams incessantly, cruelly forcing him to relive those years of unspeakable fear and horror.
Jaejoong let out a tiny whimper as a scar burnt deep inside him, giving off an agonizing pain that wasn’t going to fade any time soon.
The softness of the blankets wrapped around him like a protective shield, and he sighed in his sleep, deeply and tinged with despair, as he unconsciously wallowed deeper into the bedding. Even in sleep, he was ever searching for a refuge.
It had been 5 years, 5 years of complete torture. Day in and day out, he had lived with fearing for his own life, and worst of all, fearing for his son’s life. His existence prior to this had been one big mess of broken promises, mistakes and changes. He had thought that his salvation wouldn’t come any time soon, that God must have hated him. Thankfully, he got a chance to run away from all of it.
Still, it had a much bigger impact on him than he thought. Even now, while he laid prone and vulnerable in sleep, the dark shadows of his past loomed at the edges of his consciousness and crept into his dreams.
---
It was a day filled with happiness, the skies a brilliant cornflower blue as the sun’s rays shone down steadily, the air filled with the heady scent of blooming roses and champagne; a wedding. Jaejoong had been there with his whole family on the special day his sister would take her marital vows. Her wedding gown was a lovely off-white that showed off the smooth creaminess of her skin, the embroidery at the neckline enhancing the feminine lines that traced her collar. The silk gloves that she wore as she walked onto the burgundy carpet shone, a pretty contrast as she laid her right hand in their father’s tanned palm. He watched as they exchanged glances, the love between father and daughter evident in their eyes, and a lump emerged at his throat. As he looked at her walking down the aisle, stunning in her natural beauty, together with their father, he thought that at that moment, life was perfect. Marriage was something he’d always dreamt off, something he was longing for. Unknown to him, the man he was going to share his life with was in the same room.
The wedding ceremony had ended beautifully in a mixture of happy tears and excited cheers, together with a couple of stray catcalls, and like all good weddings, it came with an awesome after party. Jaejoong enjoyed himself as he met new people and spoke to relatives he hadn’t seen in a long time. Then, his eyes met another that was twinkling and full of mischief. The man was tall, more than a head taller than him, his skin was a delicious café au lait, and a full mouth decorated the handsome face that was grinning devilishly at him. Jaejoong was suddenly flustered, captured by butterflies in his stomach, and he felt his cheeks colour red as the mysterious waiter handed him a goblet of chilly champagne.
The whole evening, Jaejoong was searching for eye contact, thinking of a way to start a conversation with the guy. But it didn’t take long before the other took the first step. From a simple conversation, one where Jaejoong stuttered and blushed and the waiter charmed and enticed, Jaejoong could already tell that he was the one. As naïve as it was, Jaejoong believed in love at first sight.
And the mysterious waiter seemed to be everything he wished for.
Lee Hyunki.
After a conversation came exchanging phone numbers, after exchanging numbers came dates and in the end they started living together. Hyunki seemed to be the perfect guy, bright, tall, and handsome. Just perfect.
Hyunki would treat him like a royalty, like a princess, if that would fit. Their relationship was built steadily out of roses, chocolate, candle light dinners and sex -
A rose a day awaited him on his doorstep from the night they met until their 100th day anniversary, where a gorgeous bouquet of a hundred blood-red roses appeared;
Hyunki reminded him of the chocolates he loved to nibble on, dark, bittersweet and dangerous, with a tantalizing aftertaste, always leaving him hankering for more;
They would hold hands across the table as the orange glow of the candles lit the space between them, shadows flitting across their faces as they whispered sweet nothings and fed each other the best off their plates;
He thought that he would drown every time they made love, Hyunki’s skin smouldering against his, burning desire coming alive at the touch of his fingertips, as full-mouthed kisses smothered him -
The perfect relationship, just like how Jaejoong liked to call it. It couldn’t get any better, when after a year of experimenting and discovering each other, Hyunki proposed. Jaejoong had let out an uncontrollable laugh, then sobbed as glittering, joyous tears made their way down his cheeks. He had flung himself against Hyunki, wrapping his arms around his future spouse’s neck, planting kisses everywhere he could reach, fingers already tugging at his clothes; he’ll never forget the overwhelming sense of bliss that kept him spellbound as they celebrated their engagement.
Jaejoong’s dream came true. He had his beautiful marriage, their complete family of two, and of course, his Hyunki.
Roses, chocolate, candle light dinners and happiness.
Just like how the cynics tell it, this perfect happiness didn’t last long.
The unexpected, painful events came as soon as they decided to have children. After all that they went through to get a child, the tears, insecurities and disappointments, Changmin was Jaejoong’s treasure, the most beautiful little boy he had ever seen. He was his life. Hyunki had quit his waiter’s job (one that he had picked up out of rebellion) and gave in to working for his father’s company, the steady income enough to put bread on the table and allowed them to live comfortable. Jaejoong would spend his days taking care of the house and his precious little baby.
Slowly but surely, the dynamics of the newly married couple changed. Hyunki would be at work the whole day and wouldn’t come home until dinner, while Jaejoong would be exhausted from caring for a baby by the end of the day. The couple would only see each other early in the morning, during dinner and before going to bed. A completely different scenario from what they had imagined, their dreary wedded life a mockery to the day they had exchanged their vows in front of their loved ones as they stood - Jaejoong, dazzling in white and Hyunki, suave in black - and proclaimed their love to the world.
Their lives changed.
Fate, being a fickle master, tugged at the strings that held them captive, and brought their lives further into the endless pit of misery. The tough times caused by a sudden financial crisis meant that Hyunki’s company had to close down. Of course, the man was devastated by the sudden circumstances; the failure crushed his pride and widened the gap that separated them. But there was more behind their distance.
Changmin formed a big obstacle for Hyunki.
Since the child was born Jaejoong would spend more time taking care of the child than giving special attention to his husband, like he used to, and the man was taking it personally. His jealousy took over his common sense, causing him to clamp his mouth shut and not talk about it. Instead, he let his dissatisfaction simmer until it ate away at him. Night after night, he would brood over how the child had changed Jaejoong. It was unfair! He had even been the one to find the surrogate they needed for them to have the child, and this was what he got in return?!
His patience thinned and broke, and one day, as Jaejoong was about to leave their room in the middle of the night as Changmin’s cries filled the house, he had gripped Jaejoong’s wrist and pulled him back on the bed, stripping him of his clothes. Jaejoong had fought back and left him with trails of bleeding scratches on his body, but it didn’t stop him, his blind rage fuelling his strength and blocking out Jaejoong’s pleading cries. Only after he was done, as he stared at the sick mixture of cum and blood trickling out of Jaejoong did he realize what he had done. He laid on his side of the bed, back facing his spouse and listened as Jaejoong and Changmin’s cries blended together into a heartbreaking symphony of betrayal.
That was the first time Hyunki raped Jaejoong.
Despite the guilt he felt, Hyunki started forcing Jaejoong into things, forced him to spend more time with him and leave the baby be, even if he was wailing his head off. Jaejoong tried repeatedly to make him see reason, but that would only intensify Hyunki’s jealousy, which would result in another bout of bloody rape.
Almost nightly, Hyunki would force him into sex. After that first time, Jaejoong had tried to keep his distance, but Hyunki had effectively broken down his guard by threatening to hurt Changmin if he rejected his advances. Jaejoong had begged him to leave Changmin out of it, refusing the possibility of his precious baby getting hurt, but Hyunki had only reminded him of his “duties as a spouse”, and there Jaejoong was, trapped by jealousy and fear, steadily losing the power struggle to his dominant other half.
He got scolded, abused and worn out, all because of this inane jealousy. Jealousy of the love a man cherished for his son. The deep emotional and physical scars that had been left all over Jaejoong’s body were invisible to people who didn’t know his dirty secret. On the surface, he was living a comfortable life as a stay-home spouse, with the perfect husband and child. After every bout of violence, Hyunki would coax him with flowers and candy, and heartfelt apologies, letting the flicker of hope in Jaejoong re-alight, making him think that maybe, just maybe, Hyunki would be different tomorrow.
He allowed himself to cherish this stupid hope, bearing with the brunt of Hyunki’s cruelties as he found solace in his son, his bundle of joy. He could put up with anything as long as he had Changmin. That was until one night when Hyunki had come bursting through the front door and stomped over as soon as he saw him sitting the floor playing with the child. He had grabbed the child out of his arms and flung him aside, ignored Jaejoong’s shout of horror and taken him right there, with the boy screaming in pain and shock right next to him. Jaejoong could only remember shrieking at Changmin, begging him to close his eyes and shut out the sounds with his fingers. Changmin had stared at him wide-eyed as Hyunki proceeded to strip him naked, before he acquiesced to his Umma’s requests, tears running down his baby cheeks all the while. After his husband raped him, Hyunki had gathered his clothes and left the house again, leaving Jaejoong to cradle Changmin to his chest, broken and sick to his heart that Hyunki had finally hurt their child.
Jaejoong had reached his limit; hurting Changmin was the last straw for him, the final push for him to leave this hellhole. Tears streaming down his cheeks, hopelessness eating away at his gut, he picked up the receiver of his phone and called his parents, pleading with them to pick him up as soon as possible. The distraught and desperation was so evident in his voice that they didn’t hesitate, agreeing immediately to come.
Jaejoong griped his son to his chest so tightly that he wriggled in objection, even as he continued sobbing out his fear, his cries echoing around the darkened living room and bringing Jaejoong out of his trance. While the tears kept coming, Jaejoong shushed his son with gentle murmurs and tender kisses, heaving a sigh of relief that Hyunki’s violence hadn’t injured their - no, his - son too badly; a little bump at the back of his head was the only evidence.
He gathered his things quickly, making sure to only take things he needed - birth documents, passports, clothes that they both needed and a couple of toys for his young son. He saw a small, framed picture of Hyunki and him, arms around each other’s waist, eyes locked. As his hand hovered over the picture, trembling from hesitation, he could remember exactly what Hyunki had said when they took that shot, three months after their marriage -
“I love you, Jae.”
“What do you love about me?”
“Everything. From head to toe, right to left; your eyes, your smile, your laughter…”
And Jaejoong had shut him up with a kiss, his laughter going straight into his lover’s mouth, and they had giggled themselves silly over the cheesiness of their love -
The insistent ringing of the doorbell pulled him out of his memories, and he blinked away the fresh batch of hot tears before his fingers touched the frame and brought it facedown onto the dresser. They were over.
He opened the door to the faces of two anxious parents, worries etched into their faces, and he had to choke back a sob before falling into the safety of his mother’s arms, losing the battle against the flood of tears. He heard tiny scuffles as his father bent down to pick Changmin up, his son’s small, frightened whisper of “Harabeoji” breaking his heart, and he cried harder, wetting the front of his mother’s blouse as she held him tighter, tears of worry and sadness joining his.
They led him to their car, where he cuddled in the backseat with Changmin, embroiled in his own thoughts. His parents kept their silence, figuring there was more than enough time to talk when they got home, and Jaejoong cried some more, thankful for their unyielding support.
---
Their hands were intertwined tightly as they crossed the street, Changmin tugging on his father's arm and squeaking highly. “Umma~ Faster, I'm going to be late!”
Jaejoong chuckled as he admired his son's enthusiasm. It would be little Changmin's first day at his new school. He'd been rambling about it non-stop for the last 24 hours and it was finally the day. At the big, iron school gate he stopped, receiving a pout from his son. “Of course you're not going to be late baby, we still have plenty of time left.” He ruffled through the boy's soft, jet-black hair.
“But Umma, I want to be early! Then I can already play a little... I hope my teacher is nice.”
“I'm sure he's nice, Minnie, don't worry about it.”
Changmin smiled brightly as he hugged his father's legs. “Okay, Umma!”
He knew he was just saying that to make Changmin feel comfortable, he didn't want him to get scared of school or his teacher. Deep in his heart though, Jaejoong was worried sick, not knowing who would be teaching his child. He had to make sure his child would be safe. “Now Minnie, let's go.”
“Yes, Umma!”
As he stepped into the compound of the pre-school, Jaejoong felt some of his anxiety fade away. The place was positively ringing with the high-pitched squeals that only children could get away with, thundering footsteps gave an indication that there were kids chasing each other in their games, and paintings decorated the walls of the school, the amateurish lines and distorted replicas of flowers and butterflies saying that these children drew them. Jaejoong couldn’t help but smile a little. This place felt safe, safe enough for both of them.
He looked around the busy compound, and saw that the place was packed with children of different ages, most of them accompanied by their parents. Jaejoong pulled Changmin closer and searched for the classroom. When he finally found the room, he let out a small sigh. Why was he the one being so nervous over this? He wasn't the one going to school, was he?
As he took the first step into the classroom, with Changmin still at his side, he was overwhelmed by the high volume of children's laughs, cries and giggles, the running all around him, there were no longer any walls to block out some of the sounds, and his ears winced at the treatment. Like the exterior of the school, the classroom was filled with a colourful ambience and in the middle of all the disarray, stood a man who was waiting to welcome them.
“Ah, you must be Kim Changmin, am I right?” The young teacher kneeled down to greet the little boy. Changmin giggled as he wiggled bashfully, before nodding his head slowly. “Don't be shy, Changmin-ah! I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time here.”
Jaejoong had to admit, even though he felt a little uncomfortable, that the nice-looking, young teacher didn't seem like a bad guy. He had a sort of aura hanging around him that made him smile just a little. The guy got back on his feet and reached his hand out to him.
“I'm Kim Junsu, it's really nice meeting you.”
Slow and steadily, Jaejoong took the hand and shook it, before quickly taking his hand back, hoping that the teacher didn’t notice his reluctance. “I… I'm Kim Jaejoong, I hope you'll take good care of Changmin...”
“Oh, don't worry about that, Jaejoong-shii.” Junsu said, beaming a bright smile back at him. “Your son will be safe with me. Changmin-ah looks like the kind of kid who'll get along with the others well.”
“…That's great to hear.” Relieved, he slowly released his grip on Changmin's hand and sent him off to play with his classmates with a kiss on his forehead and a pat on his behind. He grinned when Changmin widened his eyes and gave him a look of childish horror at his Umma’s display of parental love before his son scurried away, heading straight for the toy box.
He looked on with satisfaction as Changmin started chattering away with another little boy, felt the turmoil in his stomach calm down, before he turned back to face the teacher, scrutinizing him secretly. Kim Junsu didn't seem like a bad guy. The young man with the mocca-brown hair, cute dimples and friendly eyes made him feel at ease. But still, was he going too fast again? Was he putting his trust - his son! - in this guy too soon?
“Jaejoong... I love you.”
Headache, those bloody flashbacks were giving him a headache.
“Jaejoong-shii? Are you alright?” Junsu asked him, with an edge of worry in his voice. “You look a little pale.”
Jaejoong quickly lifted his head and told the man he was fine, a big-ass lie of course.
“I assure you, Jaejoong-shii.” The teacher told him, sounding as honest as the day, “I'll take good care of your son, I'll treat him like my own child and make sure he doesn’t get in trouble.”
“... Okay, then... I guess I should just leave now.”
Junsu nodded and quickly called out for Changmin. It was time for the little boy to say goodbye to his father.
Changmin hesitated for a moment, torn between his future status in the pre-school (he wanted to be the cool boy!) and his love for his father. Jaejoong snickered when Changmin’s face suddenly filled with determination as he made his choice, sparing his 5-year-old mind the agony of indecision. He flung his little arms around his father's waist and his pink lips reached up, as Jaejoong bent down, to peck Jaejoong's several times. “I love you, Umma.”
“I love you too, sweetie.” Jaejoong whispered softly in his ear. “Promise you'll be good? I'll pick you up in the afternoon.”
It was weird to leave his baby behind. They'd been inseparable for such a long time, and now he had to leave Changmin with kids of his age, in a strange place where he'll hopefully learn a thing or two about life.
He was going to learn how to read, write and get along with other kids. It would be a big step forward in their life. Jaejoong wanted Changmin to grow up as a good adult. Still, he was unable to completely let go of the aching fear that coiled in the furthest ends of his consciousness. He was scared, scared of the unknown.
He set his jaw as he walked out of the classroom. He had to learn to let go of Changmin, learn to give him space to grow. He could do it, even if it’s little by little, he’ll do it.
Baby steps, Jae, baby steps.
---
Kristel says: Yay XD, I love long chapters~ We put a lot of thought in Jae's past, you know. We wanted you all to know how Jae suffered after such a blissful beginning of a new life. Love can mislead you at every time! As for Junsu's first appearance XD I think I'm going to love him! Hope you guys will enjoy it!
Manda says: A super duper long chapter! D: I really enjoyed writing about Hyunki and Jaejoong’s past. I guess I wanted you guys to see that Hyunki was not always the violent person he is now and they did have something beautiful, but also that the littlest things can set off big changes in a person. And, yay to the introduction of Junsu! ^^