my back hurts.
it seems like, lately, everything has been an uphill battle. or maybe it's always been this way and i'm just now noticing. and when i say everything, i mean everything. i wish something would just come easily to me. even something as stupid as being pretty - although it's too late for that (cursed genes). something i don't have to try hard at to succeed at. some people are just *good* at math. or playing the trombone. or, hey, effing other people (which, i suppose, is a pretty good thing to be talented at). or giving public speeches. or dancing, or painting, or playing with kids, or staying healthy, or doing the long jump, or designing clothes, singing, comforting sad people, doing long division in their head, or ..whatever. i don't know. i'm not good at making friends or keeping friends or playing music or art or anything, really. and it's not to say i haven't tried, cause i have. and it's not as if i expect to be some extraordinary genius. there are people i work with in a "blue collar" job who have talents i'll never have, personal skills and others that i really am in awe of. i can pick out things for all of my friends. running track, guitar, physics, singing, writing, listening to others', making people laugh..i dunno. oh, hey, i know what i'm good at. self pity. rock on. heh. i'm going to bed now; there's some kind of bug in my keyboard. so i don't want it popping up onto me while i'm typing. goodnight.