Sensless Ramblings
So, my mom is going shopping tomorrow with my aunts. It's been a tradition for as long as I can remember. Only one thing different. Grandma won't be there. I'm sitting here, going through the internet like we used to go through the toy catalogs when my cousins, sister and I were all little. It was the day after Thanksgiving. We would make cookies, and go through catalogs and circle what we wanted. Every year without fail. The cookie tradition faded as we got older and "too busy" to make it over to Grandma and Grandpa's. God it's been a long time since it's been referred to as that. I can't believe he's been gone for over almost 4 years. I've been missing him so much lately. It's taken me a long time to accept Grandma being gone, I still tear up thinking that I'm never going to see her again...but lately I've really been missung my Grandpa Foster. I guess it hits me in waves. Anyway, back to where I was going with this...The tradition has faded, but we still always found an excuse to all get together. Birthdays, Holidays, Special Occasions...I'm thinking that's going to fade too. Grandma was the reason we all got together. Now we're all older, lives and families of our own. I'm afraid life is never going to be the same. Well, I know it won't, because how can it be the same when half of your family is gone? Grandpa died, Lucas disowned us, literally, Stacy went to college a million miles away, Laurie got married and moved to Indiana, Grandma died, I'm getting married and going to have a family of my own...Everything just keeps changing. I've never been as close with my dad's side, but even that side is going down hill. I miss my Grandpa Brubaker so much too. I don't deal well with death or change...and it just seems to keep happening.
I keep going off on tangents getting farther and farther away from my point. My point for this diatribe is Christmas. Christmas has always been at Grandma Fosters house. I mean, Uncle Gary still lives there...but we won't all be there. I feel like I'm going out of obligation, not because I want to like I always used to. God I loved Christmas and Thanksgiving. Being the typical kid I was, I don't think I realized how much I loved it until now. "You never know what you have until it's gone."
It's gone, all gone.
I keep going off on tangents getting farther and farther away from my point. My point for this diatribe is Christmas. Christmas has always been at Grandma Fosters house. I mean, Uncle Gary still lives there...but we won't all be there. I feel like I'm going out of obligation, not because I want to like I always used to. God I loved Christmas and Thanksgiving. Being the typical kid I was, I don't think I realized how much I loved it until now. "You never know what you have until it's gone."
It's gone, all gone.