Hello finally hello.

[trist]

So here's to starting a livejournal entry that can never end, and never be started. And one that can have no middle. Beat that. I have the urge to swear right now. Like, "beat that, bitchesssss!!!" or maybe, "beat that, fucker!" I would say that it's so unlike me, but i've changed a little. I'm not going to exadgerate it or anything becuase I havent changed a whole lot at all. I'm basically the same as I was before I left for school. Just getting mature-er (ha) and uglier.

While I was at school, I did alot of things. Duh. I'll give a quick overview of my freshman year becuase it was pretty effin' awesome, to say the least.
...
I chose the perfect roommate.
I hated not seeing my boyfriend every day.
Heather wore cool clothes and let me use her things.
I made a group of friends and now we are all combined.
I had a great valentines day!!!
I partied alot, minus the alcohol. and drugs, and smoking. You know, whatever 'party' kids do sometimes. I just, went out basically.
I wore clothes that I usually wouldnt wear and now I'm much more diverse.
I gained a few lbs, and now theyre gone. So, who knows.
I had some awesome classes, and some awful ones. I'll give a summary for those of you who care (aka zero.zerozero).
*Math - easy, Religion in America - so interesting. I'm the bomb now except for the fact that I cant remember much from it, Anthropology - the dumbest class I've ever had. Seriously. If you think your going to like learning about Australipithicus africanus and afarensus etc etc, you are so very wrong my friend. Dont get me started on that class though, Leadership was cool. Half of the kids were black and that was crazy becuase I haven't had that much diversity in a classroom before. Very interesting! I had a ton of fun in that class and made some new friends so that was neat-o. *2nd Semester was harder, but I managed to get better grades some how. I had an 8AM Advertising class which sucked becuase it was two hours and just straight up awful always. I sat next to Jason so it was better I guess. After that I had Bio with Jason again and we sucked hahah always but we both managed to get 4.0's out of the effing blue. It was magnificent. Then I had Communications which is what I thought my major would be. I hated that class though. It was stupid and dumb and stupid. The next day I had writing which was my favorite class so far of life. My teacher was so awesome and such a cool guy, I wish he was still at MSU so I could recommend him to everyone. After I had my BIO lab with Jason again. Yes, we had 3 classes together. That was kind of cool, actually. And that was freshman year, class wise. Pretty decent, for the most part. And I'm sure your all curious... No, I didnt do sweet freshman year and no I didnt suck. I got a 3.55 overall so I guess I'm on the dean's list. That means I get presents from the dean! Hopefully though, when he checks it twice, I'll still be nice and not naughty. Yeahhhhhhh.... I studied . . . very little. I bet if I studied, I would have kicked ace. Seriously. I would have done awesome. If I could give you all one piece of advice, learn to study and take tests well. Thats all you do in college so study on your OWN without help and don't feel cool getting an 85 and saying "yeah I didnt study at ALLL and I did pretty good!". It's not cool, so just study and get a 98. Sorry for being harsh. School is very liberal. I appreciate that because everyone can have their own opinions. I don't mind the conservatives anymore. Many many people are, alot of my friends infact, and I dont want there to be a seperation between us just becuase I have some strange passon for gays and lesbians. I dont know where it came from or why I'm so obsessed but I am. Moving on...
There were these weirdos that would stand outside of Wells hall and preach about how everyone was going to hell becuase we are supposed to dedicate our whole lives to god and stuff so going to school = sinning = HELL! So, weird!
Like I said, I had 3 classes with Jason. Even though we arent really close anymore, I am really glad we chose to do that. I got to spend some time with my best friend, laugh with someone that is SO similar to me, and always have a walking buddy or a lab partner. Plus, every test we took in the 3 classes, minus one, we got the same exact score. I mean, granted we only took about 5... still, wtf?! Hilarious, none the less. I wish we were still good friends today. I think that he basically just got sick of me and doesnt want to invite me/ hang out with me much because of that. I feel bad about whatever I did. I'm so in depth. Cry me a freaking river.

I dont know why I'm adding this in, but in my cool writing class, we had to make a list of things we learned in highschool. My teacher was big on the whole idea that school isn't necessary and we're payign way to much money for college and a whole bunch of other liberal and off the wall ideas.

Things I Learned in Highschool
I learned...
-winterfest dance was a time to act like the biggest slut.
-that chemistry is the most pointless class to be required/for anyone to take ever.
-freshman are always really scared. nomatter what they say.
-nothing about psychologoy from Karen Cohen. I taught myself everything and didn't get credit on the AP test.
-I wasn't ready to have no supervision. I needed that extra push. (cough cough AP12)
-If you were in Student Activities, you could do whatever you wanted, whereever you wanted, and whenever you wanted...except in the library
-that pre-calculus was another waste of time.
-How to share a locker. AUH. (I'm so glad that is OVER! Lockers are dumb)
-How to make new friends and keep old ones
-like 10 words in spanish. All Schamanski talked about was sex. And Morrison? Speeding tickets.
-That if you read the book the night or the hour before, you can still get an A on the quiz.

I watched an Inconvenient Truth in my Writing class and at Brad's house. It is amazing and breath taking and world flipping arounding. YEAH! So, if you are not really into caring about the earth, watch it, you'll be suprised. I know that nobody is going to take my advice but I know few people that didnt enjoy it after they saw it. Take a lookie.

While I was in school, I had the urge to create a list of 10 solid people. By solid, I mean worthy, morally admirable, "a worthy citizen." I got that definition on google. I haven't finished the list but I have been looking through my files and I wanted to make the so-far-list known.

-Paul Gantchar - He came to mind probably months ago which I first made the list. He talks to everyone and anyone and is well liked by all. He has a cute smile and does cool, fun, things. He deserves to be on this list becuase he's not embarassed by things, he can go hang out with anyone, and becuase he is pretty admirable.
-Reva Berman - She's on the list for the same reasons. It's going to be hard to do this for everyone so I'll shorten them up. Shes always so nice and so cool. She gets along with everyone, to my knowledge, and it seems like she's always optimistic. I value that in a person.
-Eric valliere - He is so witty and so fun to talk to. He always managed to help me out with anything I need. We have been friends for such a long time and we always seem to have fun talking. He is a good solid guy becuase he seems like the kind of guy who is always willing to help.
-Erik Melin - Most of you dont know him, if any of you, but he is one of my favorite people! I met him in college and we have alot of friends in common. He is well rounded, knows alot about everything, can have a good laugh and is always on top of things. He's a winner.
-Nicole Goldman - She has everything. She's a great looking girl, nice nice nice, so witty and unbelievably smart, and friends with so many people! Her and I never became friends really but she is pretty awesome and deserves to be on my unofficial list of solid people.
-Mike Berkowitz - He is just straight up the nicest and most optimistic guy in the world. He's always up for some lunch, a get together, some games, anything. He does all that volunteer stuff, cares about others, and can always make me feel better. He knows how it feels to not drink and he doesnt care when others do. I feel like there arent many people in the world, or at least at MSU that dont drink and dont care when others do.
Basically, that's my list of SOLID people. I'm sorry if you're not on the list, you're probably solid, don't worry. ;-). I just wanted to make it known to all who read that those 6 or so people are pretty amazing and deserve some major credit from someone they dont see or talk to all of the time.

While I was in school (that's how everything starts, golly!), I am not embarassed or scared to admit that I had some major depression issues. I will be the first to admit that I wanted to see someone like a counselor to talk about things but I never did. By the time that I was like okay, fine I'll do it, I was pretty much better. I was moody and upset alot becuase of a few reasons. I got in little uncomfortable situations with my friends where I felt like they valued every other friendship in the room more than mine. I got over that though, I just don't care now. It also had to do with the fact that Brad wasn't with me. It was so hard to go from seeing him every day to seeing him like 2/7 days a week. I know that is still alot and I did see him every weekend, I just have never been so attached like I am and it's hard to go back, everyone knows that. So, dont worry if that happens to you in college. I got over and I think everyone else can too. Plus, it's pretty normal and nothing to be embarassed about. Just, fillin' you guys allllll in!

So, I've been stressin' lately about my relationship with Brad. It is so hard for me to live out every day knowing that my friends, his family, and people that aren't even really my friends, all hate my relationship. There is no reason why people should hate it, though. There is so much good that has come of Brad and I being together. He has made me the happiest person in the world and I feel so great every single day because of him. I love being in love, and I have never felt like this. I know that he feels the same way and I there is nothing wrong with US... other people bring me down. The first ones to bring me down are his brothers. I have tried to come up with plenty of reasons for them to hate us, but it all comes down to one reason. I take up too much of Brad's time. I understand how that can get annoying becuase everything has flipped around and we have both lost touch with so many friends, but I think people so close to us both should be happy for the way we both feel. It's just so stressful to hang out with him knowing that everyone else is getting pissed off about it. For this moment, I am kind of over it, but I know that soon enough I'll be angry, upset, and emotional over other people bringin' me down. So, if you have any kind of insight to this scenario, I'd love to hear it.

Brad got into MSU a couple days ago for next year. If things go as planned, he'll be living in Holden with Ray next year which will be totally awesome becuase Holly is also living there, along with Me, Olivia, Jason, Scott, Neal, and Mike. It's going to be so awesome, I cant even wait! I am so relieved that Brad got in though. It makes the him-going-to-europe-for-5-weeks thing so much easier. Its still going to kill me but hey, what doesn't these days!

Lately, I've been pretty bored becuase of the fact that if I dont call anyone, nobody calls me (except Brad and Paul) and that I don't work enough. I have been thinking of the many things that make me happy so I'll list them and hopefully they will make you happy too!!
Bike riding - I have been going alot, and you'll probably see me out and about one of these days. It's fun to just ipod it up and exercise. Yeah baby yeah.
Ice cream - naturally, it will always be one of my favorites. It will never evvvvver fade.
Going to the pool and the hottub - I am loving the Maples condo pool. I have been there a ton this summer already and I cant wait to go there a ton more! Swimming is like my ultimate favorite activity!
Hugging - I just like it, you know?
Messages - not to be confused with massages which, coincidentally, also make me happy. I love getting IMs and facebook messages (which reminds me, myspace sucks) all of the time. I like emailing, too, sometimes.
Compassion - This is so important to me and it's probably the one thing that keeps me going. I can never give up on someone being a friend of mine or fight with someone becuase I'm so compassionate about my ships, ya know?
Ben Delaney. Hahahah. I love the love of ben delaney. aaaaand im a weirdo!

One activity that we did in my leadership class was about values. First, we picked 25. Then we limited it and limited it, like 10, to 5, to 3, to 1. The point was to see what our values were with ourselves and others and our life in general. I think it's a nice activity to do so you should try it out. Try picking 15, 10, 5, 3, and then 1 so you know what things are most important to you!

Achievement
Advancement and promotion
Adventure
Affections (love and caring)
Arts
Challenging Problems
Change and variety
Close relationships
Community
Competence
Competition
Cooperation
Country
Creativity
Decisiveness
Democracy
Ecological awareness
Econimic Security
Effectiveness
Efficiency
Ethical practice
excellence
expertise
fame
fast living
work under pressure
fast paced work
financial gain
freedom
friendship
growth
having a family
helping others
helping society
honesty
independence
influencing others
inner harmony
integrity
intellectual status
involvement
job tranquilty
knowledge
leadership
location
loyalty
market position
meaningful work
merit
money
nature
being with people who are open and honest
work with others
order (stability)
personal development
physical challenge
pleasure
power and authority
privacy
public service
purity
quality of what i take part in
quality relationships
recognition
religion
reputation
responsibility and accountability
security
self respect
serenity
sophistication
stability
status
supervising others
time freedom
truth
wealth
wisdom
working alone

Hopefully you have finished reading and maybe even doing the activity! I chose affection to be the most important in my life. I was suprised to see that like half of my class had chosen religion. I think I am pleased by my agnostic views and it isn't my favorite value but I can definately understand how it can be a big deal. Back to affection, though. I think that out of all of these, affection is the most important becuase nomatter what I'll be doing in my life, with love and affection, I will be successful and happy. If I can smile each day and be compassoinate and loving to the man of my dreams, (which is Brad Boyd, as of today haha) I will be set!

I would totally add pictures but facebook is so much more convenient! GO ahead and add me and view some of those suckers if you haven't already to see what college was like for me this year. I know that's probably not the first think you'll be jumping to do but that's okay. Okay, and if you don't have a facebook yet, just invest in making one right now. They are seriously awesome, I'm addicted, like 98% of all college students are.

I'm growing out of saying that I have no friends. I sincerely appologize to my friends, all of you, who I just haven't hung out with much or that I really havent seen at all. I hope that everyone of you still considers me a friend and that you keep me in mind next time you are going to have people over or go swimming or play frisbee! I miss you all so much and I want to stay friends with all of you. Not to point people out, but, especially you, Jason. I know you probably wont read this but I'm going to say it anyway. I miss you so much and I don't want to feel like you hate my guts all of the time! If you really are sick of me, or dont like me anymore, please just tell me what I'm doing wrong in some kind of message! I miss you and our friendship and having someone care about me all of the time. Having all of my best friends leave me at one point or another is awful and I hate it! In fact, I'm going to make a whole new paragraph about it!

Ever since I was in elementary school, my best friends have left me for someone cooler, someone more fun, or something different. My best friend from k-6 ditched me in 6th grade at Banks. Luckily for me, I was already deep into a ongoing friendship with someone else. I remained BEST friends with this girl who I thought would be in my life FOREVER until only 10th grade. A few other best friends of mine have either drifted, gone to different schools, changed, gotten boyfriends or are still friends, but aren't always around like usual. Now, my absolute best friend moved to freakin' Indiana. STUPID! I've had a few guy best friends that either stop talking to me becuase one of us likes the other, or because they are into new and cooler girls. I want them back, all of them! The lack of friendship trend that I have developed has severly injured my self esteem. I find it hard to make new friends thinking that some day, they will probably leave me. I find it hard to call old ones because I know that they 'probably dont care about me anyway' and that kind of just leaves me with Brad. I mean, we all know I love spending time with Brad, but I've always lacked that friendship and time away thing that I should have had from the beginning of our relationship. It's almost too late to go back and I'm not necessarily blaming everyone for the way things turned out, I just wish I could regain the esteem I need to successfully make best friends again and not worry about what others are thinking of me. I worry too much, I need some pills, man.

One thing that has been pissing me off this summer is the fact that I haven't seen Heather at all. I thought we were truely going to hang out alot and be really really good friends! Its so upsetting to me that we barely see eachother if ever, and I wish that she would call me or come hang out with me when I call/text her.

I miss my soccer friends. Our little clique was so kickin' and we had the best time in the world! I also miss STUDS. I want to get together with both of those groups and just hang out, you know, have some chill time with everyone. Stay friends with old friends.

It seems that I'm running dry for things to type so I'll wrap this up right quick. Appologize for the lack of pictures, I'm over it though. Plus, the only pictures you'd see were me and Brad x 223234. You'd just be annoyed haha. PS again, go see these movies becuase I've seen them and theyre good: Pirates 3, Disturbia, and Knocked Up. Especially Knocked up. HILARIOUS. definately. OKAY and THE END! Love love love you all!