Wrong Thinking
I really try to be a positive person. Someone who looks towards the better parts of life and does not dwell on those things that make me feel rotten about myself or the world at large. For the most part I am well-adjusted, with a sunny disposition and a laid back look at life. (not always, but I strive)
That being said, as I have spent much time going to interviews for positions that I am rejected for, as I get *one more* rejection letter saying "We have picked another candidate." I have begun to feel my confidence and outlook slide. Yesterday, instead of feeling good about what I knew was a fairly good interview yesterday, I went home and began to feel doubts. This job was two leaps up from my current one, and I didn't think I had much chance going in... felt even less of a chance coming out of it. Not for anything that was said, or that I did, but simply because I was feeling down about the whole job interview process.
I began the "wrong thinking" again. The worry that I am being singled out because of my weight and turned away because I was found not attractive enough, not young enough, not intelligent enough... just not enough. And it's an easy, sadly slippery slope down which I found myself sliding.
Today, I picked up a missed call from voice mail to find that I have made it to the second interview. This is a big deal. Only three people (max) make it to the second interview at the district. Even if I am not offered a job, that is a big honor. Feeling better I wonder why it is so easy to doubt myself, to worry when there in fact may be nothing to fret about in the first place. Why do I assume that because I don't always feel comfortable in my body, or completely accepted by this world, that the people I interview with or meet will have the same hang ups?
Why is it so easy to forget this crazy messed up economy that we are living through? That 1 in 5 people are out of jobs right now in California, and that I am competing with people with more degrees and a lot more experience because that is the way that the job market is going right now? Why did I forget the fact that I have managed to make it to the second interview more than once now, and that when I walked in to see about getting a Fall Reference Internship set up this summer, I was taken in with nary a question regarding my qualifications, and I landed it on my first try?
I need to not let myself fall into that kind of wrong thinking. It doesn't do me any good, and I can't let my fears get in the way of confidently stepping out and showing someone that I am employable, and not just that, but that I am *the* best person for the job.
No more wrong thinking, or at the least no more dwelling once those thoughts enter my mind.
That being said, as I have spent much time going to interviews for positions that I am rejected for, as I get *one more* rejection letter saying "We have picked another candidate." I have begun to feel my confidence and outlook slide. Yesterday, instead of feeling good about what I knew was a fairly good interview yesterday, I went home and began to feel doubts. This job was two leaps up from my current one, and I didn't think I had much chance going in... felt even less of a chance coming out of it. Not for anything that was said, or that I did, but simply because I was feeling down about the whole job interview process.
I began the "wrong thinking" again. The worry that I am being singled out because of my weight and turned away because I was found not attractive enough, not young enough, not intelligent enough... just not enough. And it's an easy, sadly slippery slope down which I found myself sliding.
Today, I picked up a missed call from voice mail to find that I have made it to the second interview. This is a big deal. Only three people (max) make it to the second interview at the district. Even if I am not offered a job, that is a big honor. Feeling better I wonder why it is so easy to doubt myself, to worry when there in fact may be nothing to fret about in the first place. Why do I assume that because I don't always feel comfortable in my body, or completely accepted by this world, that the people I interview with or meet will have the same hang ups?
Why is it so easy to forget this crazy messed up economy that we are living through? That 1 in 5 people are out of jobs right now in California, and that I am competing with people with more degrees and a lot more experience because that is the way that the job market is going right now? Why did I forget the fact that I have managed to make it to the second interview more than once now, and that when I walked in to see about getting a Fall Reference Internship set up this summer, I was taken in with nary a question regarding my qualifications, and I landed it on my first try?
I need to not let myself fall into that kind of wrong thinking. It doesn't do me any good, and I can't let my fears get in the way of confidently stepping out and showing someone that I am employable, and not just that, but that I am *the* best person for the job.
No more wrong thinking, or at the least no more dwelling once those thoughts enter my mind.