this rant is so emo, it almost cut itself..
I have to ask myself how I fall so hard for someone who is, for all intents and purposes, emotionally unavailable. And I start to get all freud on myself and "maybe you're feeling this way because its safe, because you know well its not going anywhere", but I can't justify that line of thought. I'm not falling for that. I'm falling for the creases by his eyes when he smiles with all his teeth at something I said. I'm falling for the way my nose fits perfectly in the space under his jaw, and how I get goosebumps from a single finger on my wrist.I'm falling for how I can open up about my family, my thoughts, my stupid logic with him. I'm falling for the way he looks when he's sleeping, and how he smiles like he's shy every single time he wakes up. And the way it feels when he reaches for my hand, or touches my face. The absolute electricity that has not existed anywhere else in the universe that just seems natural to us. I'm falling for how excited he seems to see me, and how I can't stop smiling for days after I'm with him. And his honesty, and his abrupt passion about everything he loves, and the shamelessness with which he shows it. I'm mostly falling for the fact that when I'm with him, every shitty little thing from that day or that week or that fucking year just dissapears and doesn't matter and I'm actually happy and seeing a real smile, not my stupid pirate smile I show everyone else. The smile of a thief, with stolen happiness. But what makes it so hard, is that I'm falling, already, so hard my knees are skinned, so hard I can't even catch myself, so hard I feel like a child...and he isn't falling one bit. Not even at all.