(no subject)
i'm not happy. and i'm trying so hard to be...cause that's how it's supposed to be, right? you're in love, so you're happy. even if things are tough or scary, you're still happy. but i'm not. i'm miserable. the person that i'm in love with says he feels the same and whispers promises and plans but i'm not even there to him. and everyone has been telling me from the beginning that he's playing me for a fool...and i didn't want to believe any of them, because he loves me....right? but when you love someone...don't you talk about them? don't you want to spend time with them? don't you want to bring them into your life...especially if you're telling this person you want to spend forever with them? and is there really any excuse in the world for why you would love someone and these things be absent? because i go through every day trying to justify this. mulling over reasons i have to be a silent partner in this relationship. trying to justify all the lies he's telling everyone else to be with me. trying to be understanding about the sensitive situation that he's in(because i do understand that he's in the midst of an extremely sensitive situation)...but my feelings are not a factor, at all, to him. and being with him, i can't really see how i could ever want to be with anyone else...but i'm reaching a point where i'm unsure how much longer i can be non-existant to him before he becomes non-existant to me.