Changes
So,
I was told that I should stop writing in this, only because someone didn't want certain business to be told. BUT you know what? This helps me to get through things, and today I'm going to write my little fingers out.
I've never know myself to have such regret. I had some, but they were nothing compared to what I've felt today. my biggest fear right now, is knowing that I'll have a mediocre life and not be able to live out my dreams.
I've realized though, that I need to stop thinking about it, and just go out and do it. I never told him. But I have half of my debt paid off, and the rest will be paid off in about a month. Afterwards, I've decided, since today - that I will be going back to school. I'm going to graduate, and make a name for myself. I'll take whatever night classes I need and keep going until I graduate. Not for my mom, not for him, not for anyone else but me.
Once I do that I'm going to further my career and see what else I can do. I'm going to get paid more and save more so I can travel everywhere. I want to see the world before I turn 30, before I settle down, and before I have children.
I was surprised at myself when I reacted the way I did when he told me about his decision. I cried a little, but not much. I felt a sort of relief. I'm sure he did too. Which is probably why I didn't cry about him, because I know he went through a lot, and no one would be able to be with me, if they couldn't handle the situations I have to deal with.
Surprisingly enough, the only person in the world that has EVER been through EVERYTHING with me, is David. I'm happy when I think about that , because in my heart it has always been him. He's a wonderful person and when I think about it, maybe we were truly meant to be.
Who knows. For right now, I need to concentrate on myself. I'm sitting here in the dark, typing my thoughts out, and I try and see if I'm sad at all. But I'm not. I'm completely fine. I'm proud of myself.
Thats something I want to say to myself more often. I hardly ever hear it anymore. I think it's time I put it back into my vocabulary.
I need to work on me.
<3
I was told that I should stop writing in this, only because someone didn't want certain business to be told. BUT you know what? This helps me to get through things, and today I'm going to write my little fingers out.
I've never know myself to have such regret. I had some, but they were nothing compared to what I've felt today. my biggest fear right now, is knowing that I'll have a mediocre life and not be able to live out my dreams.
I've realized though, that I need to stop thinking about it, and just go out and do it. I never told him. But I have half of my debt paid off, and the rest will be paid off in about a month. Afterwards, I've decided, since today - that I will be going back to school. I'm going to graduate, and make a name for myself. I'll take whatever night classes I need and keep going until I graduate. Not for my mom, not for him, not for anyone else but me.
Once I do that I'm going to further my career and see what else I can do. I'm going to get paid more and save more so I can travel everywhere. I want to see the world before I turn 30, before I settle down, and before I have children.
I was surprised at myself when I reacted the way I did when he told me about his decision. I cried a little, but not much. I felt a sort of relief. I'm sure he did too. Which is probably why I didn't cry about him, because I know he went through a lot, and no one would be able to be with me, if they couldn't handle the situations I have to deal with.
Surprisingly enough, the only person in the world that has EVER been through EVERYTHING with me, is David. I'm happy when I think about that , because in my heart it has always been him. He's a wonderful person and when I think about it, maybe we were truly meant to be.
Who knows. For right now, I need to concentrate on myself. I'm sitting here in the dark, typing my thoughts out, and I try and see if I'm sad at all. But I'm not. I'm completely fine. I'm proud of myself.
Thats something I want to say to myself more often. I hardly ever hear it anymore. I think it's time I put it back into my vocabulary.
I need to work on me.
<3