"Chocolate Charms"
I ate a little rectangle of Aaron's Hershey bar today. As soon as I bit down, I realized how long it had been since the last time I'd tasted chocolate. My immediate sensation was guilt, surging from deep down in my stomach, up to my chest, which shuddered in disgust, and into my throat. I gagged, which shot a sharp bolt of tearful regret back down through my core, making my stomach more sensitive, more aware, and more dominant. I thought of my job. I thought of my son. What would become of him if I were out of work? One piece of chocolate today suddenly turns into two pieces tomorrow, and then several each week. I can't afford to indulge in fattening eating habits...
*Sighs* All this over a stupid, measly piece of chocolate!! I am pathetic sometimes, but I'm not sure anymore about how to be when I maintain a brainwashing and mentally degrading career that mandates a strict code of weight and shape. I had a way healthier state of mind when I first began modeling. I've never been anorexic or bulimic, nor will I ever be. I just feel ashamed of myself when I partake in things that are detrimental to my career. My body is my life, my success, and my acclamation. You models out there know what I mean... *Sighs again*, more later...
*Sighs* All this over a stupid, measly piece of chocolate!! I am pathetic sometimes, but I'm not sure anymore about how to be when I maintain a brainwashing and mentally degrading career that mandates a strict code of weight and shape. I had a way healthier state of mind when I first began modeling. I've never been anorexic or bulimic, nor will I ever be. I just feel ashamed of myself when I partake in things that are detrimental to my career. My body is my life, my success, and my acclamation. You models out there know what I mean... *Sighs again*, more later...