phew
It's weird and funny to look back and see how you were over a 2 year period, and to see how much that has changed and shaped you. Not that I would ever wish for anyone to go through that bullshit, but in the long run, it just seems to be better. I am a lot better these days and back to being who I was before those 2 years. In fact, I am better than how I was before those 2 years. I am ever more social and outgoing, and a lot happier. I see what went wrong and what choices I should have made. I see that who I was during that period wasn't the real me. I miss relationships now and again, but I am just afraid to be in another one that seriously paralyzes how I am feeling now. My attitude is as positive as ever. I have been out dating people here and there. I dance all night (most nights sober) with friends and completer strangers. My life is almost 100% drama free (the most drama I see comes from work, or other people's drama). I wake up without crying or feeling painfully ill. I am healthier (work out at least 3 times a week, eat healthier food, etc.). I look better/take better care of my appearance. I am happier.
It's really not that I am against dating or being with someone for a long time, but a huge part of me is a lot more wary about getting involved with someone for a serious amount of time. I do think I am ready to try it again, only because I am now better equipped with the experience of being in a relationship that was almost always tough and terrible. Not to say I didn't feel for him; I did. I felt for him dearly, but now I can finally look back and be like, "Oh right. That was really bad and really not what I want."
It's nice to sort of have something figured out in my life.
And to be completely off-topic here, I am getting sick. I drank lots of tea and miso tonight at work, but it only helped a little. I drank some whiskey (it helps your throat), and it really did help a little. My headache is coming back though, so I should go rest and take a bath. I hate getting sick. I always want to curl in a ball on the couch & cry when I get sick. I am a total pansy when I have a cold or the flu, but whatever. Jesse (adorabkle boy from work, adorable boy I hung out with last weekend) made me tea at work today & made sure I was ok. That made my night. I need to get better before tomorrow night. Champagne and Adult Swim!
It's really not that I am against dating or being with someone for a long time, but a huge part of me is a lot more wary about getting involved with someone for a serious amount of time. I do think I am ready to try it again, only because I am now better equipped with the experience of being in a relationship that was almost always tough and terrible. Not to say I didn't feel for him; I did. I felt for him dearly, but now I can finally look back and be like, "Oh right. That was really bad and really not what I want."
It's nice to sort of have something figured out in my life.
And to be completely off-topic here, I am getting sick. I drank lots of tea and miso tonight at work, but it only helped a little. I drank some whiskey (it helps your throat), and it really did help a little. My headache is coming back though, so I should go rest and take a bath. I hate getting sick. I always want to curl in a ball on the couch & cry when I get sick. I am a total pansy when I have a cold or the flu, but whatever. Jesse (adorabkle boy from work, adorable boy I hung out with last weekend) made me tea at work today & made sure I was ok. That made my night. I need to get better before tomorrow night. Champagne and Adult Swim!