(no subject)
...so two nights ago I had a very pleasant dream where I was dating my state's Attorney-General. AND BY PLEASANT I MEAN I WOKE UP AND GAVE MYSELF HORRIFIED LOOKS .
The following night, I had the most terrifying experience of sleep paralysis yet. AT LEAST I REALLY HOPE IT WAS JUST SLEEP PARALYSIS. Because otherwise I almost died. All I remember (dreamt? remember? I don't even know if it happened, or if I dreamt it...) is that my heartrate got really fast and irregular, and I couldn't breathe, and my head felt like it was going to explode from the pain. And as that was happening, I was panicking....because I knew that I was going to die. And I remember thinking "This is what it feels like to die. BUT I CANT DIE YET. GOD, I AM NOT READY TO DIE YET." And while I was gasping to breathe, all I could think was that I didn't want to die; to just blink out of existence, to not be....alive. And then a voice told me I would be ok, that they would help me. AND THEN I OPENED MY EYES IN MY BED, and my heart and head were thudding, and I was TERRIFIED. I was halfway out of my bed to demand my parents take me to hospital before I decided it couldn't have happened, and then lay in bed for a half hour scared to death (ha) that I was actually dying before I fell asleep.
YES MY NIGHTS ARE HORRIFIC.
The following night, I had the most terrifying experience of sleep paralysis yet. AT LEAST I REALLY HOPE IT WAS JUST SLEEP PARALYSIS. Because otherwise I almost died. All I remember (dreamt? remember? I don't even know if it happened, or if I dreamt it...) is that my heartrate got really fast and irregular, and I couldn't breathe, and my head felt like it was going to explode from the pain. And as that was happening, I was panicking....because I knew that I was going to die. And I remember thinking "This is what it feels like to die. BUT I CANT DIE YET. GOD, I AM NOT READY TO DIE YET." And while I was gasping to breathe, all I could think was that I didn't want to die; to just blink out of existence, to not be....alive. And then a voice told me I would be ok, that they would help me. AND THEN I OPENED MY EYES IN MY BED, and my heart and head were thudding, and I was TERRIFIED. I was halfway out of my bed to demand my parents take me to hospital before I decided it couldn't have happened, and then lay in bed for a half hour scared to death (ha) that I was actually dying before I fell asleep.
YES MY NIGHTS ARE HORRIFIC.