Defcon One
Title: Defcon One
By: trippy41
Rating: PG
For: bigbang_land challenge
Prompts: Your Character: Leonard Hofstadter. Your Location: Howard's House. Your Three items: One Shoe, Pokeball, Lipstick
Leonard knocks, perhaps a little too hard, too frantic, on Howard’s door.
“HOWARD! SOMEONE’S KNOCKING ON OUR FRONT DOOR!”
“THANKS FOR THE UPDATE MA! WHY DON’T YOU, YA KNOW, ANSWER IT?”
“I’M NAKED! I WAS JUST ABOUT TO GET IN THE BATH!”
“NO ONE NEEDS TO KNOW THAT MA! NO ONE!”
The door swings open, “Oh, hey Leonard, what’s up? And why…” Howard pauses to look at his dishevelled friend, “do you only have one shoe on?”
“I was in a hurry - it is code: Pain, Defcon One.”
Howard stands aside to let Leonard in, “C’mon in. You can find refuge here for a while. Raj is already upstairs.”
Leonard follows his friend, until he is in his bedroom. Raj is sitting on the bed, and there are an array of cards and collectibles spread out on it, “Leonard. Have you come to join our weekly trading session?”
“Pokeman cards? Pokeman balls? Seriously?” Leonard looks through some of the cards.
“Hey, don’t mock Pokeman, dude,” is Raj’s serious reply. “What are you doing here anyway?”
Howard answers, “Code: Pain, Defcon One.”
Raj nods knowingly, “Sheldon has a migraine, does he?”
Leonard kicks off his one shoe and sits cross-legged on the bed, “Yes, I was leaving when Penny came in, so no time for my other shoe, jacket or phone.”
Raj nods and smiles, “Ah, leaving your whiny roommate with your ex-girlfriend - sweet revenge!” He swaps a Pokeball for one of Howard’s and grins even wider at the find.
“I wasn’t out for revenge,” Leonard begins, as Howard takes three cards from Raj’s pile in compensation for the Pokeball exchange, “I just wasn’t in for taking care of Sheldon.”
Leonard absently shuffles some more Pokeman cards, “I’ll deal with Penny’s ire later,” he states, and hands the cards back.
“Penny’s ire is pretty bad,” Howard says, laying out again the cards Leonard mussed up, “but sick Sheldon is worse, so good decision buddy.”
Raj begins to play with another Pokeball - the one he knows is Howard’s favorite, when the phone rings.
“HOWARD! THE PHONE IS RINGING!”
“THANKS AGAIN MA FOR STATING THE OBVIOUS!”
“I’M OUT OF THE BATH BUT I’M STILL NAKED, SO ANSWER IT!”
“AGAIN MA, SOMETHING THAT I DON’T WANT TO KNOW! EVER!”
The phone keeps ringing, but Leonard stays Howard’s hand, “What if it’s Sheldon? Or worse…Penny?”
Howard smiles, holds up a finger, and answers the phone in his mother’s voice, “HELLO?”
“Howard, I know it’s you pretending to be your mother. Put Leonard on the phone if you still want still want to have children the next time I see you.” Penny’s voice brooks no opposition.
Neither do Howard’s testicles. He hands the phone to Leonard, mouthing, “Sorry.”
“Uhm, Sheldon?” Leonard almost hopes it is him.
“No, you ass. I’m the one you left your roommate to…a roommate who, by the way, is in agony. I’m actually worried, and pissed off at you because you aren’t.” Penny’s voice is scolding and tinged with compassion - a combination that she alone is the master of.
“Penny,” Leonard tries to sound pleading, “You know you can deal with him better than I can - especially when he’s like this.” Which is true; he thinks even Sheldon would agree with him.
Leonard pauses to listen to her, “hrumpf” before he continues, “Did you give him the Aleve?”
“Yes, of course. Though I don’t know if it’s the medication or the migraine is making him nauseated. He won’t even eat!” Penny pauses, then, “Did you get your other shoe?”
“My other shoe?” Leonard is curious. He’d left it by the door in his hurry.
“Yeah, the one I threw out the window at you after you escaped.”
“Uh, no. But, um, thanks?”
“When are you coming home? I want to order Sheldon some soup, but I don’t have any cash.”
“Well, when I escap..er..left, I forgot my wallet. It’s in the drawer under my laptop. Take what you need.”
“Fine. Be back by 10 tomorrow morning - I have a shift at 11.”
“Right. Thanks, Penny.”
“Oh, you still owe me big. There’s these shoes I have my eye on…”
“They're yours.” Leonard says, grateful to have both Sheldon and Penny happy.
She ends the call with, “You bet they are.”
Leonard hangs up the phone, and looks back to Howard and Raj, who have been listening to every word - cards and Pokeballs forgotten.
“Oh, you are so, whipped by them both.” Howard even makes the whipped sound to accentuate his point.
Leonard chooses to ignore him, except to ask, “If Howard can loan me some non-blinding colored shoes, why don’t we go out?”
Howard jumps up to comb his hair, “An excellent idea.” And Raj begins to put their collections away, perhaps sneaking in an extra card or two into his pile, while Howard is preening.
Leonard has found a pair of blue Converse, shrugs and puts them on. It could be worse. They could be neon.
Howard turns from the mirror, his hair perfectly straight and swept over his eyes, his dicky fresh, and his lips are slightly shiny.
They are just headed to leave his room, when…
“HOWARD? HAVE YOU SEEN MY LIPSTICK? I WANT TO BE PRETTY TO SEE THE BUTCHER LATER!”
Howard ducks, grabs something, and goes out his door again, when…
“HOWARD? HAVE YOU BEEN USING MY LIPSTICK AGAIN? I REALLY WISH YOU’D PUT IT BACK!”
Howard turns to his friends, who are howling with laughter. Raj even has tears in his eyes. “It’s not lipstick…
“IT’S TINTED CHAPSTICK!”
End.
Part Two
By: trippy41
Rating: PG
For: bigbang_land challenge
Prompts: Your Character: Leonard Hofstadter. Your Location: Howard's House. Your Three items: One Shoe, Pokeball, Lipstick
Leonard knocks, perhaps a little too hard, too frantic, on Howard’s door.
“HOWARD! SOMEONE’S KNOCKING ON OUR FRONT DOOR!”
“THANKS FOR THE UPDATE MA! WHY DON’T YOU, YA KNOW, ANSWER IT?”
“I’M NAKED! I WAS JUST ABOUT TO GET IN THE BATH!”
“NO ONE NEEDS TO KNOW THAT MA! NO ONE!”
The door swings open, “Oh, hey Leonard, what’s up? And why…” Howard pauses to look at his dishevelled friend, “do you only have one shoe on?”
“I was in a hurry - it is code: Pain, Defcon One.”
Howard stands aside to let Leonard in, “C’mon in. You can find refuge here for a while. Raj is already upstairs.”
Leonard follows his friend, until he is in his bedroom. Raj is sitting on the bed, and there are an array of cards and collectibles spread out on it, “Leonard. Have you come to join our weekly trading session?”
“Pokeman cards? Pokeman balls? Seriously?” Leonard looks through some of the cards.
“Hey, don’t mock Pokeman, dude,” is Raj’s serious reply. “What are you doing here anyway?”
Howard answers, “Code: Pain, Defcon One.”
Raj nods knowingly, “Sheldon has a migraine, does he?”
Leonard kicks off his one shoe and sits cross-legged on the bed, “Yes, I was leaving when Penny came in, so no time for my other shoe, jacket or phone.”
Raj nods and smiles, “Ah, leaving your whiny roommate with your ex-girlfriend - sweet revenge!” He swaps a Pokeball for one of Howard’s and grins even wider at the find.
“I wasn’t out for revenge,” Leonard begins, as Howard takes three cards from Raj’s pile in compensation for the Pokeball exchange, “I just wasn’t in for taking care of Sheldon.”
Leonard absently shuffles some more Pokeman cards, “I’ll deal with Penny’s ire later,” he states, and hands the cards back.
“Penny’s ire is pretty bad,” Howard says, laying out again the cards Leonard mussed up, “but sick Sheldon is worse, so good decision buddy.”
Raj begins to play with another Pokeball - the one he knows is Howard’s favorite, when the phone rings.
“HOWARD! THE PHONE IS RINGING!”
“THANKS AGAIN MA FOR STATING THE OBVIOUS!”
“I’M OUT OF THE BATH BUT I’M STILL NAKED, SO ANSWER IT!”
“AGAIN MA, SOMETHING THAT I DON’T WANT TO KNOW! EVER!”
The phone keeps ringing, but Leonard stays Howard’s hand, “What if it’s Sheldon? Or worse…Penny?”
Howard smiles, holds up a finger, and answers the phone in his mother’s voice, “HELLO?”
“Howard, I know it’s you pretending to be your mother. Put Leonard on the phone if you still want still want to have children the next time I see you.” Penny’s voice brooks no opposition.
Neither do Howard’s testicles. He hands the phone to Leonard, mouthing, “Sorry.”
“Uhm, Sheldon?” Leonard almost hopes it is him.
“No, you ass. I’m the one you left your roommate to…a roommate who, by the way, is in agony. I’m actually worried, and pissed off at you because you aren’t.” Penny’s voice is scolding and tinged with compassion - a combination that she alone is the master of.
“Penny,” Leonard tries to sound pleading, “You know you can deal with him better than I can - especially when he’s like this.” Which is true; he thinks even Sheldon would agree with him.
Leonard pauses to listen to her, “hrumpf” before he continues, “Did you give him the Aleve?”
“Yes, of course. Though I don’t know if it’s the medication or the migraine is making him nauseated. He won’t even eat!” Penny pauses, then, “Did you get your other shoe?”
“My other shoe?” Leonard is curious. He’d left it by the door in his hurry.
“Yeah, the one I threw out the window at you after you escaped.”
“Uh, no. But, um, thanks?”
“When are you coming home? I want to order Sheldon some soup, but I don’t have any cash.”
“Well, when I escap..er..left, I forgot my wallet. It’s in the drawer under my laptop. Take what you need.”
“Fine. Be back by 10 tomorrow morning - I have a shift at 11.”
“Right. Thanks, Penny.”
“Oh, you still owe me big. There’s these shoes I have my eye on…”
“They're yours.” Leonard says, grateful to have both Sheldon and Penny happy.
She ends the call with, “You bet they are.”
Leonard hangs up the phone, and looks back to Howard and Raj, who have been listening to every word - cards and Pokeballs forgotten.
“Oh, you are so, whipped by them both.” Howard even makes the whipped sound to accentuate his point.
Leonard chooses to ignore him, except to ask, “If Howard can loan me some non-blinding colored shoes, why don’t we go out?”
Howard jumps up to comb his hair, “An excellent idea.” And Raj begins to put their collections away, perhaps sneaking in an extra card or two into his pile, while Howard is preening.
Leonard has found a pair of blue Converse, shrugs and puts them on. It could be worse. They could be neon.
Howard turns from the mirror, his hair perfectly straight and swept over his eyes, his dicky fresh, and his lips are slightly shiny.
They are just headed to leave his room, when…
“HOWARD? HAVE YOU SEEN MY LIPSTICK? I WANT TO BE PRETTY TO SEE THE BUTCHER LATER!”
Howard ducks, grabs something, and goes out his door again, when…
“HOWARD? HAVE YOU BEEN USING MY LIPSTICK AGAIN? I REALLY WISH YOU’D PUT IT BACK!”
Howard turns to his friends, who are howling with laughter. Raj even has tears in his eyes. “It’s not lipstick…
“IT’S TINTED CHAPSTICK!”
End.
Part Two