The Steamed Windows Stochastic

Feb 21, 2011 23:34



The Steamed Windows Stochastic - third in the kissing fic series

By trippy41



A stochastic event is based on random behaviour. The occurrence of individual events cannot be predicted.

Penny opened the door to 4A. "Shel-don," she yelled, "I'm leaving now - are you coming?"

The man in question stepped into the hallway from his bedroom. "You needn't shout- I can hear you know. I heard the door open before you opened your mouth."

Penny rolled her eyes and whispered, "Okay freak with the sonic hearing, are you coming grocery shopping with me?"

"Sonic is not a method of hearing, it is a way of producing a sound. So in actuality, you were being sonic when you came in and screamed out my name." Sheldon had his hands clasped behind his back in full teacher mode.

She hated that mode of Sheldon. Penny sneered, "Whatever. I'm leaving. Come with me or not." She dangled her keys in the air, "I really don't care."

Penny turned on her heel, and then walked out of his apartment. Sheldon took a deep breath, let out a great sigh, and followed her.

And because Sheldon can't make her more crazy.

Penny knows just how far she can go when her gas tank reads "E." The arrow needs to be really below "E" before she gets even concerned about filling her Volkswagen with gas. Sheldon, however, doesn't get that.

"Penny, you really should stop for gas. The "check engine" light is bad enough. May I remind you that the "E" stands for "empty" as in an empty fuel tank? Need I also remind you that a combustible engine runs on gasoline?" Sheldon took a gulp of air, and seemed ready to continue.

Penny held up her hand, "Ti-ti-ti." He looked ready to start again, so she put up her warning finger. "I only have cash for my groceries right now. We have enough gas to get us there and back - I think."

"You think? You think?" Sheldon's eyes were wide.

"Are you stuck sweetie?" She lightly punched him in the shoulder.

"No." Sheldon was rubbing his shoulder, "But I don't have my emergency bag with me - regretfully - so you need to stop for gas. I'll pay for it. Anything is better than being stuck without provisions in the wild streets of Pasadena."

"Sheldon honey, we're five minutes from our building," Penny said, and then muttered under her breath. "Wackadoodle."

"I heard that!"

Penny stood pumping gas into her Volkswagen, patting it lovingly. "You like that? Were you thirsty?" Sheldon sat in the car - pinching his nose against the fumes. When she finished filling her tank, she saw Sheldon slip a twenty dollar bill out of a crack in the passenger's side window. Penny mouthed, "Thank you" and took the cash.

After paying for the gas, the attendant slipped her a free car wash ticket. "Everyone who fills up this week gets one," he winked at her.

Shuddering slightly at the teen's apparent interest, Penny took the ticket, said, "Thanks" and went back to Sheldon and her car.

"We're going through the car wash," she said as she slid back behind the driver's wheel. "It was free with the fill-up." Penny started the car to pull around to the back of the gas station.

"Oh this is a treat.  I do enjoy the car wash - Leonard hasn't taken me to one in a while now." Sheldon sat up while Penny was guiding her car on the tracks. He grinned, "The scrubbing brushes remind me of the Muppets."

Penny shook her head and laughed quietly, as the attendant to the car wash came to her window to claim the free ticket. "Just put it in neutral ma'am and the track will pull you along."

She closed her window and let out an annoyed growl. "First, I have a teenager hitting on me, then this guy," Penny waved in the general direction of the car wash office, "calling me ma'am like I'm an old lady!"

"Which did you find more insulting? Being propositioned by one not old enough to vote, or the assumption that you are old enough to need orthodics?"

"Hey!" Penny nudged his shoulder with her own. "I'm not even twenty-five yet!

"So it was the age assumption," Sheldon nodded. "It could be that he was trained to say "ma'am" to every woman, despite her assumed age."

Penny's face held a genuine smile, "Thank you, Sheldon."

"You're wel-" he began, as the car lurched forward on the track to move into the scrubbing area. "Whee!"

Soon her car was immersed in suds, and the small scrubbing brushes came alongside her car door. Penny watched them in her side mirror, cleaning her Volkswagen to a satisfied shine. Sheldon was looking down from the passenger side window - that side mirror lost months ago - smiling.

"You really like watching cleaning that much?" Penny looked over at his enthusiasm.

"Yes, but look!" Sheldon pointed down at the brushes. "Don't they look like Fraggles?"

Penny laughed, because they kinda did, she thought to herself, while humming the theme song. Even Sheldon had picked up the tune, and was humming as well.

They both grinned a bit stupidly at one another with the shared childhood memory, when her car stopped so suddenly in the car wash tracks, both Penny and Sheldon were thrown against their seatbelts. Sheldon's grin faded quickly and was replaced by a terrified "Eep!"

Penny's own grin had left her face just as suddenly. "What the hell?" Her car was stuck on the rinsing cycle, with water spraying and the big brushes swishing just in front of her windshield.

They were also stuck close to where the office was, and Penny could barely make out the sign through the water that the attendant who'd "ma'am"-ed her earlier had posted in the window.

"PLEASE BE PATIENT. WE ARE EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES"

"Great, just great." Penny banged her hands on the wheel in frustration, hitting her horn with her thumbs, making Sheldon jump again with another "Eep!"

"Sorry sweetie, " she took her hands off the wheel, and patted his knee to assure him. "I'm sure it won't be long."

"Considering the professional quality of the sign in the window, I think this has happened before." Sheldon frowned and pursed his lips, "It's in cases like these that I need my bag!"

Penny shook her head, "I hardly think being stuck in a carwash is the apocalypse."

"No. Not that bag, but my work one." He wistfully looked away. "With my computer, extra clothes, a day's worth of food and water." Sheldon sighed deeply, "I didn't think I would need it for a trip to the grocery store."

"You're the one who wanted to stop for gas!" Penny's eyes narrowed at him.

Sheldon wrinkled his nose at her, "You're the one who needed to use the free car wash today!"

Penny blew out her breath through her mouth, "Okay, let's not start a fight. "

"Agreed." Sheldon looked up at her, "We could play a game to pass the time- like the elements game?"

She shook her head, "I remember a few from your shower curtain - and that song you sang - probably not enough to play your game though." Penny looked at her watch. Only one minute had passed?

"So the blue one looks like?"

"Herry Monster."

"And the other one?"

"Sweetums."

"What about the two other ones off to the side?"

"Elmo and Cookie Monster."

Penny nodded thoughtfully. Two minutes.

"There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium, and hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium, and nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium, and iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium, europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium, and lanthanum and osmium and astatine and radium, and gold and protactinium and indium and gallium, and iodine and thorium and thulium and thallium. Sing it with me!"

Penny sighed, and started to sing. Three minutes

"Zinc, then you would say-"

"Chlorine."

"Good! Europium."

"Molybdenum."

"Mercury."

"Ytterbium."

"Manganese."

"Erbium."

"Magnesium."

"Mendelevium."

"Penny! You won!" Sheldon grinned broadly

Penny smiled a victory smile. Four minutes.

"You know, if I were here with anyone else, I would be making out by now." Penny closed her eyes to think of potential kissers. Brad Pitt came to mind.

"Anyone else? Really Penny?" Sheldon gave her a pointed look, "What about Wolowitz? Would you be kissing Howard? Or Raj? Or-" Sheldon paused, "Leonard?"

"Um, one - eewww, two - no, and three - too awkward." Penny listed them off on her fingers.

"And I am dismissed - why exactly?"

Penny opened her eyes - the vision of Brad Pitt fading. "Wha-?"

"You gave valid reasons for why Howard, Raj and Leonard being unacceptable "making out" partners. What, do you propose is my fault? I am not a pervert like Howard, I do not suffer from selective mutism like Raj, and I am not your former boyfriend like Leonard. So I ask, what is my defect?"

"You're just - just - well, you're Sheldon!" Penny stuttered, a little flustered at the point he was trying to make.

Sheldon nodded, "I see - being just who I am is a deterrent to be considered for a kiss."

"Yeah, well, uh no." Penny was even more flustered. She took a deep breath, "You're my friend, right? I mean - I wouldn't want to be around you if I didn't, ya know, like you and stuff."

Sheldon looked blankly at her.

"Uh - it's the germs, right? I mean, you couldn't handle the germs of a kiss!"

He nodded again, "Hmmm. When was the last time you brushed your teeth?"

Penny's eyes narrowed, "Just before I left. Why?"

"Me too." Sheldon moved his shoulder over into the driver's seat space, dipped his head, and pressed his lips against Penny's.

He missed mostly - he got a little more than half her lips - but it felt just good enough for her to put a hand on the back of his neck for balance so she could kiss him back. She didn't miss.

Sheldon copied her gesture, and put his hand in her hair - wrapped in the nape of her head. They both used their other hands on one another's thighs for leverage, as Penny sucked lightly on Sheldon's lower lip, while he pressed his lips firmly on hers.

Penny was feeling brave enough to lightly swipe her tongue along his bottom lip. Sheldon took a sharp intake of breath through his nose, then opened his lips slightly and tentatively touched his tongue to her top lip, then retreated again.

She smiled into his mouth. Penny let her tongue follow his and she stroked the underside of his lightly. Sheldon made a sound at the back of his throat that might have been a moan of desire or disgust. It was too close to call.

Penny pulled back, figuring she'd pushed far enough, but he followed her - his lips still attached to hers. Sheldon probably didn't know how to end a kiss any more than he did a hug. She smiled into his mouth again and pulled back further, mainly so they could breathe.

With their kiss broken, they both took in great gulps of air, while staring wide eyed at each other. For all of Sheldon's words, all he managed was, "Huh."

"Yeah," was all she could reply.

"Penny-" Sheldon began before her car jerked back to life on the car wash track.

She looked at her watch again. Ten minutes.

Penny was driving to the grocery store - with a glove compartment full of free car wash tickets as a result of the malfunction and an apologetic attendant.

She smiled at Sheldon next to her, who was grinning slightly while playing with his seatbelt and looking out his window.

Penny would put those free car washes to good use. Soon.

s/p, tbbt, fan fiction

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