"...waiting to become"
I find it hard to understand this incessant need for people to accept/reject others - face value - for what gleams through the thin crack we all let remain open, reluctantly. Operating and existing amongst each other - revealing their judgements to others - in passing. So often i find i'm taken back - having not placed a value upon the person to whom they refer - just took them for themselves singularly. Not in relation or position on some complex hierarchy constantly shifting in response to comments expressions and actions. Subconscious rankings.....
I don't propose to say i'm above this, its more i cannot hope to exist with this activity running rampant under and around my interactions. Its a sort of safety for me, to accept without judgment, and hope perhaps to glimpse at something hidden behind that slit in the door, some truism and essence that goes beyond that face value (wich we portray and allow for such placement in the minds of those we meet....knowing its inevitability). I need to remain with withheld judgment...at least till i can base on something more than the invariably inaccurate image misconstrued by so many coping mechanisms and damaged psyches.... - because if this is not possible among people - how can i hope to remain among them - without such chemical cloaks to veil my shaky structure?? And in these days i need more than anything to believe I can be me - and accepted for that - not the sad way i try to portray myself....in the way we all do - some version of ourselves we think better - more attractive....though more often than not pales in the light of our purity - unmarred or hidden.
I don't propose to say i'm above this, its more i cannot hope to exist with this activity running rampant under and around my interactions. Its a sort of safety for me, to accept without judgment, and hope perhaps to glimpse at something hidden behind that slit in the door, some truism and essence that goes beyond that face value (wich we portray and allow for such placement in the minds of those we meet....knowing its inevitability). I need to remain with withheld judgment...at least till i can base on something more than the invariably inaccurate image misconstrued by so many coping mechanisms and damaged psyches.... - because if this is not possible among people - how can i hope to remain among them - without such chemical cloaks to veil my shaky structure?? And in these days i need more than anything to believe I can be me - and accepted for that - not the sad way i try to portray myself....in the way we all do - some version of ourselves we think better - more attractive....though more often than not pales in the light of our purity - unmarred or hidden.