(no subject)
Sudden Realizations
By: Andy Castillo
Being alone is harder then expected. I figure that living anywhere is miserable, but I accept that alone it is harder. At least I can imagine I am being loved and taken care of at home, but here there is no illusion. There is no mom coming home from a hard days work. There are no little interruptions from John or Caitlyn. Not even the sound of the garage opening when my dad comes home from his office. It’s so lonely, only the sound of cars to keep me company. I expect that one day I can live in happiness. Today I just weep for that day to come. I feel like all the tears have been wasted, everything that I thought was actually depressing doesn’t seem that significant any more. Death is only a welcomed thought, not a possibility. The incessant calm is almost painful. This place doesn’t feel like home even though I call it that. I hate having to grow up. I just wish it was like it was, it was so much easier when Toys R Us wasn’t a job but a reward, when my dad would hug me and my mom kissed me till I laughed so much I was crying tears of joy and not these regretful tears of shame. I just wish that I wasn’t this. I wish that I wasn’t a drug addict son. I wish that they would be proud of me and that they would love me. I wish I didn’t waste so much time. But I realize wishing isn’t enough. It’s time to act. It’s time to prove everyone wrong. I am not insignificant.
By: Andy Castillo
Being alone is harder then expected. I figure that living anywhere is miserable, but I accept that alone it is harder. At least I can imagine I am being loved and taken care of at home, but here there is no illusion. There is no mom coming home from a hard days work. There are no little interruptions from John or Caitlyn. Not even the sound of the garage opening when my dad comes home from his office. It’s so lonely, only the sound of cars to keep me company. I expect that one day I can live in happiness. Today I just weep for that day to come. I feel like all the tears have been wasted, everything that I thought was actually depressing doesn’t seem that significant any more. Death is only a welcomed thought, not a possibility. The incessant calm is almost painful. This place doesn’t feel like home even though I call it that. I hate having to grow up. I just wish it was like it was, it was so much easier when Toys R Us wasn’t a job but a reward, when my dad would hug me and my mom kissed me till I laughed so much I was crying tears of joy and not these regretful tears of shame. I just wish that I wasn’t this. I wish that I wasn’t a drug addict son. I wish that they would be proud of me and that they would love me. I wish I didn’t waste so much time. But I realize wishing isn’t enough. It’s time to act. It’s time to prove everyone wrong. I am not insignificant.