Fic: Funeral
Ahem, yes more of the Zack!Lives AU
This would be that part I struggled with.
Aeris's death.
So... this one's depressing.
It had been so damned fast. Sephiroth, the sword, Aeris sliding gracelessly down the long blade, her eyes fading, the battle... and now Zack was sitting on the little platform next to her because his legs just wouldn't move... because Aeris wasn't moving.
Someone had dragged Cloud off a little bit ago - maybe Cid? - after Cloud had exhausted himself casting Life after Life into her empty form. He could have told him to save his energy, but his voice wasn't working, much like his legs. Strange, he hadn't really been badly injured in the fight against the Jenova abomination, not with Leviathan effortlessly absorbing her attacks into Zack's bracer.
Her hair was coming loose. Aeris wouldn't like that, she liked keeping herself neat, but the ribbon was sliding off and Zack couldn't seem to make his fingers move right... and there was a noise that was drilling into his brain, a weird broken keening and why was Nanaki howling like that?
A hand came down on his shoulder, work roughened, heavy. "Zack... Zack, you've gotta breathe." Barret was bending down, the hand giving him a little shake. "There ain't any words, gods I know there ain't… when Myrna… but you gotta listen to me anyway and breathe."
Breathe. Funny. Breathing was easy, but Aeris couldn’t do it anymore. It didn’t seem right, that Aeris couldn’t breathe because of two tiny little slits in her body. Zack had been hurt worse, hell Cloud had been run through by the Masamune years ago and he could still breathe, maybe this wasn’t what he thought, Aeris liked to tease him, so maybe she’d just open her eyes and he could yell at her for scaring him so…
“It’s my fault, Zack.” Barret’s words stunned him and he dragged his eyes up to meet the big man’s dark eyes.
“Wha… Barret…”
“It is. I brought you into AVALANCHE, I got you involved. I should have made you send your girl off with her mother and Marlene where she’d be safe. Hell, I’ve got a damned gun on my arm, I should have shot that bastard out of the air before he ever even reached her. So, it’s my fault.”
No. No, that wasn’t right. “No. Not your…”
“Oh, it’s not my fault?” Barret kept his eyes locked with Zack, flesh hand still gripping Zack’s shoulder. “Then maybe it’s Nanaki’s fault. He’s got that great sense of smell, better than even yours. He should have smelled Sephiroth coming.” Zack tried to speak again, but the sound didn’t emerge. “How about Cait? He’s a Shinra spy after all, maybe he’s to blame.”
“No!” Zack snapped. “Not their fault! Not theirs, not Cloud’s, not Vincent’s…” Again his voice cracked.
“And it ain’t yours either. You know who’s at blame, so why don’t ya pull your ass together and go pull the pokey headed kid’s ass back together and we’ll go make that mutant bitch and her hatchet man pay for this.”
Zack dropped his gaze away. “Just… just don’t move her yet.” Barret gave his shoulder a final crushing squeeze and helped him up.
He needed the big man's support as Barret pulled him away from Aeris and then Vincent was there, his slim, tall body bracketing Zack's other side. He could see Yuffie now, sobbing like the young girl she was against Nanaki's furry shoulder, Tifa petting her hair and letting tears fall unashamedly.
It was Cid with Cloud after all, the older pilot standing guard over the blond who'd simply crumpled in upon himself. Zack let Barret and Vincent ease him down next to Cloud and he wrapped his arms around his shaking lover. “Cloud…” Zack whispered, starting to tell him that it was OK, but his voice seized on the lie. It wasn’t OK, Cloud knew it, he knew it.
“My fault.” Cloud’s voice was harsh and cracked with his tears. His hands came up to fist in Zack’s shirt and he curled in tighter on himself. “Told me to… wanted to… wanted to…”
“You didn’t Cloud. Wasn’t you, you didn’t kill her.” Zack whispered into Cloud’s hair. He recalled the way that Cloud’s eyes had dimmed and flattened, the stilted, jerky way he’d pulled out his twin swords and stumble-stalked towards Aeris. Zack had reached out to grab him, shake his shoulders and there’d been a moment of relief as life had slipped back into Cloud’s eyes… just a moment before the life drained out of hers.
“It was him, Cloud.” Zack said. “Using us. And when we wouldn’t do what he wanted us to, he hurt us.” How he’d hurt them. It was like a gaping hole in him, worse than any injury he’d ever taken. For so long, she’d always just… been there. Even during the years in captivity, he’d always known she was still there, alive and waiting for him, coming in his sleep to hold and comfort.
She’d always told him to grieve, to let himself scream out his hurts and fears and anger at everything. Hold it in and it festered, turning into the darker hate that had consumed Sephiroth. So he let it go, crying as he held Cloud, letting it all purge. He didn’t know how long it was, it was dark by the time Zack felt like he could pull out of his grief and look around again.
He felt… hollow.
He looked over at where the others were sitting together, Yuffie still sniffling into Nanaki’s fur. No one said a thing about his breakdown, no one looked away as if ashamed.
“There’s no place to dig here,” Vincent said quietly. “It’ll either have to be a rock cairn or…” he nodded out to the cold water. “There’s one spot there that’s got a deep hole.”
“The lake.” Zack said. He didn’t want to think of her body under a pile of rocks… he didn’t want to think of her body at all.
It took a try or two to get on his feet and get Cloud up as well. Cloud was still and silent, eyes turned downwards, but right now, Zack couldn’t summon up the energy to chide him into speaking, not when he didn’t feel much like talking either. He ghosted alongside Zack, shivering once convulsively as they neared her body.
Her body was stiff in the cool air, but not with the full onset of rigor mortis yet. She still weighed next to nothing in his arms, it seemed wrong, she ought to have felt heavier. Her hair spilled over his arm, loose and free, how he loved to see it when she was brushing it out… Zack stepped hard on those thoughts.
The water was shockingly cold and crystal clear, he had no problem finding the dark shadow that marked the deep hole. He lowered her, feeling the water drag down at her clothes, slide over her face. He kept hoping to see her eyes open, that the few bubbles rising wasn’t just the last bits of air trickling out. She sank away, quiet and still, nothing moving save for a brief stir of hair and flutter of her dress hem.
She was gone.
Zack wanted to step forward and follow, but he looked behind him, at the people lined up at the shore, at the task still unfinished. At Cloud… who needed him too.
I’m sorry, lady-mine. I can’t follow you yet.
Zack walked away.
This would be that part I struggled with.
Aeris's death.
So... this one's depressing.
It had been so damned fast. Sephiroth, the sword, Aeris sliding gracelessly down the long blade, her eyes fading, the battle... and now Zack was sitting on the little platform next to her because his legs just wouldn't move... because Aeris wasn't moving.
Someone had dragged Cloud off a little bit ago - maybe Cid? - after Cloud had exhausted himself casting Life after Life into her empty form. He could have told him to save his energy, but his voice wasn't working, much like his legs. Strange, he hadn't really been badly injured in the fight against the Jenova abomination, not with Leviathan effortlessly absorbing her attacks into Zack's bracer.
Her hair was coming loose. Aeris wouldn't like that, she liked keeping herself neat, but the ribbon was sliding off and Zack couldn't seem to make his fingers move right... and there was a noise that was drilling into his brain, a weird broken keening and why was Nanaki howling like that?
A hand came down on his shoulder, work roughened, heavy. "Zack... Zack, you've gotta breathe." Barret was bending down, the hand giving him a little shake. "There ain't any words, gods I know there ain't… when Myrna… but you gotta listen to me anyway and breathe."
Breathe. Funny. Breathing was easy, but Aeris couldn’t do it anymore. It didn’t seem right, that Aeris couldn’t breathe because of two tiny little slits in her body. Zack had been hurt worse, hell Cloud had been run through by the Masamune years ago and he could still breathe, maybe this wasn’t what he thought, Aeris liked to tease him, so maybe she’d just open her eyes and he could yell at her for scaring him so…
“It’s my fault, Zack.” Barret’s words stunned him and he dragged his eyes up to meet the big man’s dark eyes.
“Wha… Barret…”
“It is. I brought you into AVALANCHE, I got you involved. I should have made you send your girl off with her mother and Marlene where she’d be safe. Hell, I’ve got a damned gun on my arm, I should have shot that bastard out of the air before he ever even reached her. So, it’s my fault.”
No. No, that wasn’t right. “No. Not your…”
“Oh, it’s not my fault?” Barret kept his eyes locked with Zack, flesh hand still gripping Zack’s shoulder. “Then maybe it’s Nanaki’s fault. He’s got that great sense of smell, better than even yours. He should have smelled Sephiroth coming.” Zack tried to speak again, but the sound didn’t emerge. “How about Cait? He’s a Shinra spy after all, maybe he’s to blame.”
“No!” Zack snapped. “Not their fault! Not theirs, not Cloud’s, not Vincent’s…” Again his voice cracked.
“And it ain’t yours either. You know who’s at blame, so why don’t ya pull your ass together and go pull the pokey headed kid’s ass back together and we’ll go make that mutant bitch and her hatchet man pay for this.”
Zack dropped his gaze away. “Just… just don’t move her yet.” Barret gave his shoulder a final crushing squeeze and helped him up.
He needed the big man's support as Barret pulled him away from Aeris and then Vincent was there, his slim, tall body bracketing Zack's other side. He could see Yuffie now, sobbing like the young girl she was against Nanaki's furry shoulder, Tifa petting her hair and letting tears fall unashamedly.
It was Cid with Cloud after all, the older pilot standing guard over the blond who'd simply crumpled in upon himself. Zack let Barret and Vincent ease him down next to Cloud and he wrapped his arms around his shaking lover. “Cloud…” Zack whispered, starting to tell him that it was OK, but his voice seized on the lie. It wasn’t OK, Cloud knew it, he knew it.
“My fault.” Cloud’s voice was harsh and cracked with his tears. His hands came up to fist in Zack’s shirt and he curled in tighter on himself. “Told me to… wanted to… wanted to…”
“You didn’t Cloud. Wasn’t you, you didn’t kill her.” Zack whispered into Cloud’s hair. He recalled the way that Cloud’s eyes had dimmed and flattened, the stilted, jerky way he’d pulled out his twin swords and stumble-stalked towards Aeris. Zack had reached out to grab him, shake his shoulders and there’d been a moment of relief as life had slipped back into Cloud’s eyes… just a moment before the life drained out of hers.
“It was him, Cloud.” Zack said. “Using us. And when we wouldn’t do what he wanted us to, he hurt us.” How he’d hurt them. It was like a gaping hole in him, worse than any injury he’d ever taken. For so long, she’d always just… been there. Even during the years in captivity, he’d always known she was still there, alive and waiting for him, coming in his sleep to hold and comfort.
She’d always told him to grieve, to let himself scream out his hurts and fears and anger at everything. Hold it in and it festered, turning into the darker hate that had consumed Sephiroth. So he let it go, crying as he held Cloud, letting it all purge. He didn’t know how long it was, it was dark by the time Zack felt like he could pull out of his grief and look around again.
He felt… hollow.
He looked over at where the others were sitting together, Yuffie still sniffling into Nanaki’s fur. No one said a thing about his breakdown, no one looked away as if ashamed.
“There’s no place to dig here,” Vincent said quietly. “It’ll either have to be a rock cairn or…” he nodded out to the cold water. “There’s one spot there that’s got a deep hole.”
“The lake.” Zack said. He didn’t want to think of her body under a pile of rocks… he didn’t want to think of her body at all.
It took a try or two to get on his feet and get Cloud up as well. Cloud was still and silent, eyes turned downwards, but right now, Zack couldn’t summon up the energy to chide him into speaking, not when he didn’t feel much like talking either. He ghosted alongside Zack, shivering once convulsively as they neared her body.
Her body was stiff in the cool air, but not with the full onset of rigor mortis yet. She still weighed next to nothing in his arms, it seemed wrong, she ought to have felt heavier. Her hair spilled over his arm, loose and free, how he loved to see it when she was brushing it out… Zack stepped hard on those thoughts.
The water was shockingly cold and crystal clear, he had no problem finding the dark shadow that marked the deep hole. He lowered her, feeling the water drag down at her clothes, slide over her face. He kept hoping to see her eyes open, that the few bubbles rising wasn’t just the last bits of air trickling out. She sank away, quiet and still, nothing moving save for a brief stir of hair and flutter of her dress hem.
She was gone.
Zack wanted to step forward and follow, but he looked behind him, at the people lined up at the shore, at the task still unfinished. At Cloud… who needed him too.
I’m sorry, lady-mine. I can’t follow you yet.
Zack walked away.