(no subject)
First off, I hate garage sales. I was up till 4am and awake at 7am. I don't like being belittled by my mom in front of a bunch of strangers because I mixed up a few numbers doing math in my head. But, none of that really matters.
Yesterday was rough. There were so many people there that they could barely find enough chairs--that made me feel good that so many people came to show their respect.
I wish that insensitive excuse for a preacher had never opened his mouth. My mom and I were crying so much at that point because we were appalled at the thoughtless, inappropriate words coming out of his mouth. We were squeezing each others hands so hard because we both wanted so badly to deck him and take over the ceremony. My mom prayed so hard in her head for God to put kind words in his mouth--but that bastard didn't feel like listening. I never thought I'd glare at someone so vehemently during a funeral of all things.
The whole time I was crying there was a little boy, about 6, in an armchair next to me who stared at each tear as it rolled down to my chin, but I didn't care. I'm crying again now just thinking about it.
I always thought I'd see my first body floating in a ditch. But it was unlike anything I had expected.
She wasn't a body. She was beautiful. I had to pull my mom away because we didn't want to leave her--we both wanted to wait for a breath, or reach out and wake her up. She was so beautiful, I can't even describe it. She was just sleeping...
I need to stop crying. I guess it's just a coincidence that I'm using a Zoloft tissue box...
I saw so many people outside that I haven't seen in over a year, but we all just kind of said hello and stood there, looking around because no one felt like seeing anybody else right then.
We visited my Grandpa's grave afterwards because it was in the same Memorial Garden. I wanted to go because I had never been back since the funeral five years ago. It's right on the edge near a little pond, and my grandma is going to be buried in the same plot. My mom said when they picked it out together they joked about going skinny dipping in the pond as ghosts. That made me smile. 90something years old and they still loved each other so much.
I'm not sure what I'll do with my day...I think maybe I should try to paint if I feel up to it. I need to get my mind off of things and get out and have fun again.
My mom said for her funeral she wants a weenie-roast in a state park because she never got one for her wedding. I love my mom so much.
Yesterday was rough. There were so many people there that they could barely find enough chairs--that made me feel good that so many people came to show their respect.
I wish that insensitive excuse for a preacher had never opened his mouth. My mom and I were crying so much at that point because we were appalled at the thoughtless, inappropriate words coming out of his mouth. We were squeezing each others hands so hard because we both wanted so badly to deck him and take over the ceremony. My mom prayed so hard in her head for God to put kind words in his mouth--but that bastard didn't feel like listening. I never thought I'd glare at someone so vehemently during a funeral of all things.
The whole time I was crying there was a little boy, about 6, in an armchair next to me who stared at each tear as it rolled down to my chin, but I didn't care. I'm crying again now just thinking about it.
I always thought I'd see my first body floating in a ditch. But it was unlike anything I had expected.
She wasn't a body. She was beautiful. I had to pull my mom away because we didn't want to leave her--we both wanted to wait for a breath, or reach out and wake her up. She was so beautiful, I can't even describe it. She was just sleeping...
I need to stop crying. I guess it's just a coincidence that I'm using a Zoloft tissue box...
I saw so many people outside that I haven't seen in over a year, but we all just kind of said hello and stood there, looking around because no one felt like seeing anybody else right then.
We visited my Grandpa's grave afterwards because it was in the same Memorial Garden. I wanted to go because I had never been back since the funeral five years ago. It's right on the edge near a little pond, and my grandma is going to be buried in the same plot. My mom said when they picked it out together they joked about going skinny dipping in the pond as ghosts. That made me smile. 90something years old and they still loved each other so much.
I'm not sure what I'll do with my day...I think maybe I should try to paint if I feel up to it. I need to get my mind off of things and get out and have fun again.
My mom said for her funeral she wants a weenie-roast in a state park because she never got one for her wedding. I love my mom so much.