Brigit's Flame January Week 2: Demons
I thought I might have to back out this week, but managed to pull this piece together instead. Not crazy about it.
Title: Zachary's Demons
Not so very long ago, really, when looking at the entire span of human existence, those afflicted with mental and emotional illnesses were thought to be “possessed” by demons. Even in this more enlightened age, when it has been discovered that faulty dopamine receptors and neural transmitters are the culprits, demons can seem to infiltrate the murky depths of the mind. Behavior is bizarre, emotions are uncontrollable, and reasoning is compromised. Life becomes hellacious.
Zachary wrestles with demons. His mother, Sarah’s, onetime boyfriend, ironically a graduate student in a counseling psych program, said to her, “I think he’s possessed by the devil.” And he meant it. No symbolism was intended by the statement. There was fear in the words, culled from guttural instinct. She laughed at first, tried to explain Zachary in the psycho-babble terminology he should have been familiar with. Then she broke up with him.
Zachary chased off more than one of his mother’s boyfriends.
A fascinatingly talkative toddler given to hilarious antics, Zachary’s demeanor slowly changed until, by age 8, teachers were calling his mother with grim reports.
“I’m worried about Zach,” Mrs. Hoover began. “He’s going into rages on the playground. The other boys are reluctant to play with him.”
“I know what kind of day it’s going to be,” said Miss Fuller the following year at a parent-teacher conference, “by the expression on Zach’s face when he enters the class room.”
At home, Zachary’s behavior was even more pronounced. His rages, comprised of screaming for endless hours, throwing things and knocking things over, were impossible to control. Sometimes he would grab a slicing knife from the kitchen drawer and chase after his siblings with it. After the emotional storm had spent itself, Zachary would be subdued and withdrawn, often not remembering the details of what had occurred. In quiet moments, Zachary took to climbing out of his bedroom window to sit on the porch roof outside. For hours.
The summer Zachary was twelve he attended a day care camp. On one of the last days of the program, his mother received a call at work from one of the camp directors. While on a hike at a nearby state park there had been an incident. Children reported that Zachary and another boy were threatening to kill them. When the camp counselors investigated, they found that the two boys had a “hit list.” Only a few months after Columbine, the director informed Sarah that Zachary was not welcome back for the remaining days of camp. Sarah immediately set up psychological testing for her son.
The psych report was grim. Zachary was given to violent imagery bordering on psychosis. His thoughts were filled with vengeance and darkness and he was deemed as a possible danger to himself and others. The DSM-IV diagnosis: Bi-Polar Disorder. At that time, such a diagnosis was rare for a child.
What followed was years of experimenting with various medication cocktails. Depakote made Zachary lethargic and slowed his thinking process so much he couldn’t function at school. Sarah had him taken off of it quickly. Zyprexa caused him to gain 40 pounds that next summer, which he also slept away due to the medication’s sedating effect. That one was eliminated too. Others were tried and eliminated in a process that occurred over the six years of middle and high school. Some meds seemed to work for awhile, then the rages returned. With others, the side effects caused too much sedation, or increased the anger, or gave him a rash or locked his muscles. In the meantime, Zachary’s brothers and sisters tip-toed around him and Julia, the youngest, was terrified to be left alone with him. Counseling was implemented, but seemed to have little effect.
One early Autumn afternoon, Zachary attacked Julia and Sarah, who were alone in the house. Sarah screamed for Julia to run to the neighbor’s while she wrestled with Zachary. She then managed to lock herself in her bedroom while he body-slammed the door and called the psychiatrist and her ex-husband. Hospitalization followed.
When adderall was added to the medication mix, there seemed to be some progress. Although consistently in a dark mood, and easily riled, Zachary became less agitated and could remain quiet and focused for longer periods. His school work improved. Apparently, ADHD was also part of his dysfunction. By the time Zachary was a junior in high school, although still temperamental and prone to anger outbursts, things had improved. He had even managed to find a couple of friends. And he developed a coping strategy that worked for him. He was open about his condition with everyone. He informed his teachers, school administators, and other students. Allowances were made. He explained to the assistant principal that his medications caused him to be very sleepy, and often resulted in difficulty getting up in the morning. Whenever he was late getting to school, the AP would call Sarah.
“Zach’s meds affecting him again?” he’d ask. Sarah learned to simply agree. Zachary never got a consequence for being late to school. When he graduated, Sarah sat in the audience with tears in her eyes. He had made it this far in the 10 year battle with the dark side.
Now a junior in college, Zach has grown and managed. Once out of his mother’s reach, living in the dorm, he decided to discontinue his medications. Fearful, all Sarah could do was caution him, “Just remember. Your behavior is your responsibility. The meds help with it. Whatever happens, you’re on your own.”
Within a year, Zachary called a new psychiatrist on his own. He told his mother that his anger and emotional reactions were getting more difficult to manage through sheer will power. He started on a new medication with few side effects and much success. He has had a girlfriend for more than a year and navigated the ensuing ups and down.. His grades are less than spectacular, but he has a plan: informing his professors of his condition to see if they’ll cut him some slack . . .
There will always be demons to fight in Zachary’s world, but he has learned ways to vanquish them.
Title: Zachary's Demons
Not so very long ago, really, when looking at the entire span of human existence, those afflicted with mental and emotional illnesses were thought to be “possessed” by demons. Even in this more enlightened age, when it has been discovered that faulty dopamine receptors and neural transmitters are the culprits, demons can seem to infiltrate the murky depths of the mind. Behavior is bizarre, emotions are uncontrollable, and reasoning is compromised. Life becomes hellacious.
Zachary wrestles with demons. His mother, Sarah’s, onetime boyfriend, ironically a graduate student in a counseling psych program, said to her, “I think he’s possessed by the devil.” And he meant it. No symbolism was intended by the statement. There was fear in the words, culled from guttural instinct. She laughed at first, tried to explain Zachary in the psycho-babble terminology he should have been familiar with. Then she broke up with him.
Zachary chased off more than one of his mother’s boyfriends.
A fascinatingly talkative toddler given to hilarious antics, Zachary’s demeanor slowly changed until, by age 8, teachers were calling his mother with grim reports.
“I’m worried about Zach,” Mrs. Hoover began. “He’s going into rages on the playground. The other boys are reluctant to play with him.”
“I know what kind of day it’s going to be,” said Miss Fuller the following year at a parent-teacher conference, “by the expression on Zach’s face when he enters the class room.”
At home, Zachary’s behavior was even more pronounced. His rages, comprised of screaming for endless hours, throwing things and knocking things over, were impossible to control. Sometimes he would grab a slicing knife from the kitchen drawer and chase after his siblings with it. After the emotional storm had spent itself, Zachary would be subdued and withdrawn, often not remembering the details of what had occurred. In quiet moments, Zachary took to climbing out of his bedroom window to sit on the porch roof outside. For hours.
The summer Zachary was twelve he attended a day care camp. On one of the last days of the program, his mother received a call at work from one of the camp directors. While on a hike at a nearby state park there had been an incident. Children reported that Zachary and another boy were threatening to kill them. When the camp counselors investigated, they found that the two boys had a “hit list.” Only a few months after Columbine, the director informed Sarah that Zachary was not welcome back for the remaining days of camp. Sarah immediately set up psychological testing for her son.
The psych report was grim. Zachary was given to violent imagery bordering on psychosis. His thoughts were filled with vengeance and darkness and he was deemed as a possible danger to himself and others. The DSM-IV diagnosis: Bi-Polar Disorder. At that time, such a diagnosis was rare for a child.
What followed was years of experimenting with various medication cocktails. Depakote made Zachary lethargic and slowed his thinking process so much he couldn’t function at school. Sarah had him taken off of it quickly. Zyprexa caused him to gain 40 pounds that next summer, which he also slept away due to the medication’s sedating effect. That one was eliminated too. Others were tried and eliminated in a process that occurred over the six years of middle and high school. Some meds seemed to work for awhile, then the rages returned. With others, the side effects caused too much sedation, or increased the anger, or gave him a rash or locked his muscles. In the meantime, Zachary’s brothers and sisters tip-toed around him and Julia, the youngest, was terrified to be left alone with him. Counseling was implemented, but seemed to have little effect.
One early Autumn afternoon, Zachary attacked Julia and Sarah, who were alone in the house. Sarah screamed for Julia to run to the neighbor’s while she wrestled with Zachary. She then managed to lock herself in her bedroom while he body-slammed the door and called the psychiatrist and her ex-husband. Hospitalization followed.
When adderall was added to the medication mix, there seemed to be some progress. Although consistently in a dark mood, and easily riled, Zachary became less agitated and could remain quiet and focused for longer periods. His school work improved. Apparently, ADHD was also part of his dysfunction. By the time Zachary was a junior in high school, although still temperamental and prone to anger outbursts, things had improved. He had even managed to find a couple of friends. And he developed a coping strategy that worked for him. He was open about his condition with everyone. He informed his teachers, school administators, and other students. Allowances were made. He explained to the assistant principal that his medications caused him to be very sleepy, and often resulted in difficulty getting up in the morning. Whenever he was late getting to school, the AP would call Sarah.
“Zach’s meds affecting him again?” he’d ask. Sarah learned to simply agree. Zachary never got a consequence for being late to school. When he graduated, Sarah sat in the audience with tears in her eyes. He had made it this far in the 10 year battle with the dark side.
Now a junior in college, Zach has grown and managed. Once out of his mother’s reach, living in the dorm, he decided to discontinue his medications. Fearful, all Sarah could do was caution him, “Just remember. Your behavior is your responsibility. The meds help with it. Whatever happens, you’re on your own.”
Within a year, Zachary called a new psychiatrist on his own. He told his mother that his anger and emotional reactions were getting more difficult to manage through sheer will power. He started on a new medication with few side effects and much success. He has had a girlfriend for more than a year and navigated the ensuing ups and down.. His grades are less than spectacular, but he has a plan: informing his professors of his condition to see if they’ll cut him some slack . . .
There will always be demons to fight in Zachary’s world, but he has learned ways to vanquish them.