i'm hiv positive...
...that i'm ready to go back to boston.
(hopefully i'm not the only person who saw the most recent "south park" episode where cartman and kyle got hiv and cartman went around saying things like "i'm not just sure, i'm hiv positive" and "don't be so hiv negative, kyle...try to stay hiv positive." hilarious. amazing. i love that show. and for those of you who are still confused: no, i'm not hiv positive.)
today my mom took me to the four seasons hotel--yes, that's right, the four seasons, with its heated towels and overly friendly staff and boxoted-to-the-point-of-sterility guests--for a facial. it was totally mediocre (sorry if that sounds bratty, but it's true--i think i got ripped off) but the half-hour car ride over marked my first i'm-in-texas emotional breakdown of spring break 2008. it was bound to happen; i have yet to go home for a break without bursting into tears at some point about how i wish we still lived in maryland so i'd have friends to hang out with/how i hate that i've lost touch with pretty much everyone i grew up with/how much i miss max. my dad always gets mad when i cry. he's never really been sympathetic to the horrible uprooting i experienced as a result of his losing his job; i assume his guilt doesn't let him. my mother always looks like she's about to cry along with me, but i don't think it's because she genuinely feels sorry for me or understands how i feel, although i know she misses living in maryland, too. i think my crying is a giant slap in the face; it's me saying "your company isn't enough to make me happy, mom," which should seem like a reasonable and logical thing for the parent of a 20-year-old to understand, but my mother was born with empty-nest syndrome on the same chromosome as her blue eyes and blonde hair so she takes stuff like that personally.
i've decided to take one practice LSAT each day while i'm home. i'm so close to the score i want, and yet so far...it's so hard when you consistently score in the high 160s. i know i shouldn't be complaining, because there are plenty of people who would kill for the scores i get on my off-days, but i want to get into nyu so badly and with my gpa, i need at least a 172 or 173 to even stand a chance in the incredibly talented and competitive pool of applicants.
i think, if i remember, i'm going to start making lists of three things that make me happy at the end of every entry. i've been feeling too sad too often and i need to start taking measures to make myself happier, no matter how small.
1. this commercial:
2. the fact that in the last few days, a ton of total strangers decided to leave very nice comments on a youtube video of me doing a cover of bonnie mckee's "somebody," including some compliments about my voice, which is a sensitive subject seeing as i'm not that enthralled with it. i'd post a link to it, but i honestly think the video is very bad and those people are crazy/deaf, so for my own pride i'm going to leave it a mystery. (nevertheless, the ego stroke felt good.)
3. barak obama's pastor. obviously i don't endorse anything that he says, and i'm not "happy," per se, that a democratic candidate now has such a powerful strike against him (giving the united republican party a wieldy advantage over the widely stratified democratic party), but i'm a hillary fan so maybe this will boost some of her numbers. that being said: i whole-heartedly believe in the fundamental importance of free speech, so i a) support obama's pastor's right to say what he's saying and b) don't really think it matters very much.
bonus: when i wake up tomorrow, it will be less than a week until i am in boston again.
okay, and one thing that made me sad: i was looking through jamie's old livejournal memories and discovered that she had an entire category called "stephie" full of entries (okay, three entries) written by me that she had obviously enjoyed. i should have been happy that i made her happy, i guess, but i just got really sad and wanted her back.
(hopefully i'm not the only person who saw the most recent "south park" episode where cartman and kyle got hiv and cartman went around saying things like "i'm not just sure, i'm hiv positive" and "don't be so hiv negative, kyle...try to stay hiv positive." hilarious. amazing. i love that show. and for those of you who are still confused: no, i'm not hiv positive.)
today my mom took me to the four seasons hotel--yes, that's right, the four seasons, with its heated towels and overly friendly staff and boxoted-to-the-point-of-sterility guests--for a facial. it was totally mediocre (sorry if that sounds bratty, but it's true--i think i got ripped off) but the half-hour car ride over marked my first i'm-in-texas emotional breakdown of spring break 2008. it was bound to happen; i have yet to go home for a break without bursting into tears at some point about how i wish we still lived in maryland so i'd have friends to hang out with/how i hate that i've lost touch with pretty much everyone i grew up with/how much i miss max. my dad always gets mad when i cry. he's never really been sympathetic to the horrible uprooting i experienced as a result of his losing his job; i assume his guilt doesn't let him. my mother always looks like she's about to cry along with me, but i don't think it's because she genuinely feels sorry for me or understands how i feel, although i know she misses living in maryland, too. i think my crying is a giant slap in the face; it's me saying "your company isn't enough to make me happy, mom," which should seem like a reasonable and logical thing for the parent of a 20-year-old to understand, but my mother was born with empty-nest syndrome on the same chromosome as her blue eyes and blonde hair so she takes stuff like that personally.
i've decided to take one practice LSAT each day while i'm home. i'm so close to the score i want, and yet so far...it's so hard when you consistently score in the high 160s. i know i shouldn't be complaining, because there are plenty of people who would kill for the scores i get on my off-days, but i want to get into nyu so badly and with my gpa, i need at least a 172 or 173 to even stand a chance in the incredibly talented and competitive pool of applicants.
i think, if i remember, i'm going to start making lists of three things that make me happy at the end of every entry. i've been feeling too sad too often and i need to start taking measures to make myself happier, no matter how small.
1. this commercial:
Click to view2. the fact that in the last few days, a ton of total strangers decided to leave very nice comments on a youtube video of me doing a cover of bonnie mckee's "somebody," including some compliments about my voice, which is a sensitive subject seeing as i'm not that enthralled with it. i'd post a link to it, but i honestly think the video is very bad and those people are crazy/deaf, so for my own pride i'm going to leave it a mystery. (nevertheless, the ego stroke felt good.)
3. barak obama's pastor. obviously i don't endorse anything that he says, and i'm not "happy," per se, that a democratic candidate now has such a powerful strike against him (giving the united republican party a wieldy advantage over the widely stratified democratic party), but i'm a hillary fan so maybe this will boost some of her numbers. that being said: i whole-heartedly believe in the fundamental importance of free speech, so i a) support obama's pastor's right to say what he's saying and b) don't really think it matters very much.
bonus: when i wake up tomorrow, it will be less than a week until i am in boston again.
okay, and one thing that made me sad: i was looking through jamie's old livejournal memories and discovered that she had an entire category called "stephie" full of entries (okay, three entries) written by me that she had obviously enjoyed. i should have been happy that i made her happy, i guess, but i just got really sad and wanted her back.