Morning
So...
I'm awake.
Things are generally feeling better. I have a lot of things to think about and perhaps I'm thinking too much about them. It'll be good to have people back in the house again... Perhaps being so alone right now wasn't such a good thing... not that I think that anyone can really help here.
I wonder if there is a way to speed all of this up, without hurting myself in the process. I'm tempted to try to ride things out as is for the next few weeks... knowing that when December comes, it must come to a head. However, if those 4 weeks are like the last 3 days... I don't know if I'd be able to stay sane through it, try as I might.
I'm sure poor D is getting tired of me like this... of watching me coming apart at the seams... I'm certainly getting tired of it.
It's all like I'm doing a delicate scientific experiment while wearing mittens... Too many ways to completely make a mess of things.
Time... I need time, and I don't want to be patient... curled up aching doesn't encourage patience. But then... it's up to me whether I curl up in a ball or I go out and try to overcome it.
This will work out in the end... with luck I won't completely botch things up. I want to keep my friend... and to keep this annoying, aching, problematic lump in my chest. Hopefully it'll be less problematic... but, I think I'd rather have it, and it be a problem than to go back to completely ignoring it and living without it.
I'm awake.
Things are generally feeling better. I have a lot of things to think about and perhaps I'm thinking too much about them. It'll be good to have people back in the house again... Perhaps being so alone right now wasn't such a good thing... not that I think that anyone can really help here.
I wonder if there is a way to speed all of this up, without hurting myself in the process. I'm tempted to try to ride things out as is for the next few weeks... knowing that when December comes, it must come to a head. However, if those 4 weeks are like the last 3 days... I don't know if I'd be able to stay sane through it, try as I might.
I'm sure poor D is getting tired of me like this... of watching me coming apart at the seams... I'm certainly getting tired of it.
It's all like I'm doing a delicate scientific experiment while wearing mittens... Too many ways to completely make a mess of things.
Time... I need time, and I don't want to be patient... curled up aching doesn't encourage patience. But then... it's up to me whether I curl up in a ball or I go out and try to overcome it.
This will work out in the end... with luck I won't completely botch things up. I want to keep my friend... and to keep this annoying, aching, problematic lump in my chest. Hopefully it'll be less problematic... but, I think I'd rather have it, and it be a problem than to go back to completely ignoring it and living without it.