It's that time again
Due to real life stuff I need to post here and get off my chest, with a healthy dollop of maturity added on, I am not really as hardcore about St. Pat's (aka The White Guy Holy Day of Drinking) this year. That said, this still needs to be posted, because it amuses the crap out of me.
Don't believe this ninja sympathizer and his crazy stories about Irish ninjas beating pirates.
Seriously, I got's the truth right here.
Fact: Ninjas like islands. That's why they come from Japan.
Fact: Ireland is an island too, but there's no ninjas there.
Why are there no ninjas in Ireland? Because St. Patrick, the most badass Irish pirate to ever exist kicked them all out. Years of history have obscured things, and allegorical tales refer to him getting rid of "snakes", but some of us know better. And don't be fooled by sainthood, because Patrick was one bad. . . Shut yo mouth!. . . I'm just talking about St. Patrick.
So yeah, ninjas were all over Ireland, except they were a special kind of ninja, who mostly begged people for money, and when they didn't get any, because the Irish are hardcore and will punch people who try to rob them, they stabbed people with poison knives. Why? Because ninjas are too big of pussies to get into fistfights like real men.
The Irish were tough, but with the wimpy ninjas hiding out in alleys and potato fields, they were too hard to find and beat the crap out of in a drunken rage. But one day, a man Patrick sailed up with his hearty pirate crew, to take on the ninjas. They knew the secret to taking on the ninjas, because they were hardcore.
So, St. Patrick and his men went out to pubs all across the land, wearing the finest gems and jewels from their treasure chests. When the ninjas saw a bunch of drunken pirates, covered in gold, they thought it would be an easy target. They came out of their alleyways and potato fields, and attacked the pirates on the street.
This is where they went wrong. Pirates fight better when they're drunk, because they drink all the time. They're that hardcore! When the ninjas started losing horribly, like they do, they ran away like little girls, like they also do. They tried to shoot the pirates with poison arrows, or stab them from the shadows, but it didn't work. The Irish people had given the pirates the gift of Guinness, which is so thick, that it can soak up any poison, and plug any stab wound. The stupid ninjas only gave away their locations, and got slaughtered by Patrick and his men (and women, because there are hot lady pirates too).
After a few months, all the ninjas were either killed, or driven out of Ireland, except the ones who worked for the pirates, by being wussy little cabin boys, and a handful of hot ninja babes that Patrick kept for himself. On a historical side note, the pirates had to tear up potato and cabbage fields looking for ninjas. This led to the not so famous Potato Feast, when then led afterwards to the more famous Potato Famine, because there were no potatoes the next year.
The pirates had to leave, though, because they prefer rum to whiskey, and there's not much rum in Ireland. Before they went, the Pope made Patrick into St. Patrick, Patron Saint of all that is Most Awesome and Hardcore, because the Pope was secretly a pirate too(I mean, look at his hat!), and really hated ninjas.
THE END
~EEE~
P.S.: For those who really care, here's the real info. Check out that statue, and tell me he wasn't a pirate, though.
Don't believe this ninja sympathizer and his crazy stories about Irish ninjas beating pirates.
Seriously, I got's the truth right here.
Fact: Ninjas like islands. That's why they come from Japan.
Fact: Ireland is an island too, but there's no ninjas there.
Why are there no ninjas in Ireland? Because St. Patrick, the most badass Irish pirate to ever exist kicked them all out. Years of history have obscured things, and allegorical tales refer to him getting rid of "snakes", but some of us know better. And don't be fooled by sainthood, because Patrick was one bad. . . Shut yo mouth!. . . I'm just talking about St. Patrick.
So yeah, ninjas were all over Ireland, except they were a special kind of ninja, who mostly begged people for money, and when they didn't get any, because the Irish are hardcore and will punch people who try to rob them, they stabbed people with poison knives. Why? Because ninjas are too big of pussies to get into fistfights like real men.
The Irish were tough, but with the wimpy ninjas hiding out in alleys and potato fields, they were too hard to find and beat the crap out of in a drunken rage. But one day, a man Patrick sailed up with his hearty pirate crew, to take on the ninjas. They knew the secret to taking on the ninjas, because they were hardcore.
So, St. Patrick and his men went out to pubs all across the land, wearing the finest gems and jewels from their treasure chests. When the ninjas saw a bunch of drunken pirates, covered in gold, they thought it would be an easy target. They came out of their alleyways and potato fields, and attacked the pirates on the street.
This is where they went wrong. Pirates fight better when they're drunk, because they drink all the time. They're that hardcore! When the ninjas started losing horribly, like they do, they ran away like little girls, like they also do. They tried to shoot the pirates with poison arrows, or stab them from the shadows, but it didn't work. The Irish people had given the pirates the gift of Guinness, which is so thick, that it can soak up any poison, and plug any stab wound. The stupid ninjas only gave away their locations, and got slaughtered by Patrick and his men (and women, because there are hot lady pirates too).
After a few months, all the ninjas were either killed, or driven out of Ireland, except the ones who worked for the pirates, by being wussy little cabin boys, and a handful of hot ninja babes that Patrick kept for himself. On a historical side note, the pirates had to tear up potato and cabbage fields looking for ninjas. This led to the not so famous Potato Feast, when then led afterwards to the more famous Potato Famine, because there were no potatoes the next year.
The pirates had to leave, though, because they prefer rum to whiskey, and there's not much rum in Ireland. Before they went, the Pope made Patrick into St. Patrick, Patron Saint of all that is Most Awesome and Hardcore, because the Pope was secretly a pirate too(I mean, look at his hat!), and really hated ninjas.
THE END
~EEE~
P.S.: For those who really care, here's the real info. Check out that statue, and tell me he wasn't a pirate, though.