(no subject)
Title: Baka!
Characters/Pairings: Excalibur, uh, various members of DDD High
Summary: ...Excalibur gives a spelling lesson.
Rating: G.
Warnings: Excalibur. Just. Excalibur.
Notes: Requested by someone and it just took me ages to finish and just w/e I'm posting it here shut up
"Today, students, we will be looking at spelling!" Excalibur paused, as if expecting a cheer of some kind. Instead, the members of DDD High's literature class (the only one since the other lit professor mysteriously died after sharing tea with Professor Excalibur) continued to chatter amon themselves. Excalibur's eyes narrowed and the chatter was punctuated with a cry of pain from Kaito Kuroba, who had been struck square in the forehead with a piece of chalk.
"FOOLS!"
Everyone fell silent, except for Kaito's disgruntled mumbling.
"Now, as I was saying - you know, this puts me in mind of my youth. As I recall, I attended a class such as this. The lecturer was Merlin himself and I took over the teaching after I disproved one of his ridiculous hypotheses regarding the Extrapolation of Intermolecular Tea Blending -"
Someone raised a hand and Terra interrupted nervously. "Um, professor, you were... talking about spelling?"
He blinked at her once or twice, apparently trying to regain the thread of what he'd been saying before. "Ah, indeed, you are correct! Spelling! Something that all literature students should be aware of, and familiar with!" He began to pace back and forth, twirling his cane like a cheerleader. (Incidentally, Rufus Shinra had been the one to teach him how to do it, though the other cheerleaders, Hakuba prominent aming them, had been unsuccessful in getting Excalibur to try on a cheerleader outfit, much less put pants on.)
"So, let us begin with this word: baka!"
Nobody said anything until Sulu put his hand up. "Excuse me, professor?"
Excalibur stopped pacing. "Admirable manners! What is it?"
"This is an... English literature class, right?"
"Indeed!"
"So... baka is a Japanese word, isn't it?"
"Correct!"
Sulu frowned at the professor. "Isn't that a bit odd?"
Excalibur didn't reply and just stared at Sulu, who stared back at Excalibur, who continued to stare back at Sulu and they went on in this way for at least a minute. Eventually, Sulu rolled his eyes and conceded with, "Never mind, sir."
If Excalibur had a visible mouth, he would have been beaming. "Excellent!" He took up position in the middle of the teaching area, cane planted in front of him. "Now, to begin! Baka is indeed a simple word to spell but I will give you a good way to remember it! The first letter is 'b'! This is memorable because 'b' stands for -"
"Boring." Azula had muttered the word but it was clearly audible what with the acoustics. Excalibur was speechless for a moment, which was an achievement in itself. Naturally, his uncharacteristic silence did not last long.
"You there!" He pointed the cane at her, looking as if he might quite like to stab her with it.
"What?"
"Principal's office, immediately!"
"But -"
"And take these with you! You are to read them cover to cover!" From apparently nowhere he whipped out three books, entitled Excalibur, Excalibur: The 1001st Clause and Teatime with Excalibur: A Biography. He held them out as Azula made her way down, snatched them from the professor and stormed out. As soon as she'd slammed the door behind her, Excalibur bounced straight back into his lesson.
"Now, as I was saying! The letter 'b'! It stands for 'brilliant', which is just one of a multitude of words that can be used to describe me!" He ignored the groans from every member of the class. "To continue! We come to the second letter, the letter 'a'!" He stopped for a moment, perhaps waiting for another outburst so he could sentence another student to reading his books but the pupils had learnt their lesson. "'A' stands for amazing! Another word that you could apply to me!"
He was getting into his stride now, to judge from the way he kept hopping happily from one foot to the other and swinging that cane about. "Next, we have 'k'! This stands for..." He broke off. Apparently he hadn't quite thought that far ahead. He turned his back on the class - those at the sides could see him flicking feverishly through a dictionary. He turned back suddenly and exclaimed: "Kingly!"
"Professor, surely that doesn't apply to you? If anyone, it'd apply to King Arthur." Karen's cool logic was completely lost on Excalibur who was far too pleased with his new adjective to bother listening.
"Now, finally, we come to 'a' again! Listen carefully! To remember the last letter in 'baka', you may think of me, and remember that I am, above all things, awe-inspiring!"
The silliness of this final statement threw just about everyone in the room. Somehow, none of them had the heart to point out that 'awe-inspiring' was cheating, really.
Characters/Pairings: Excalibur, uh, various members of DDD High
Summary: ...Excalibur gives a spelling lesson.
Rating: G.
Warnings: Excalibur. Just. Excalibur.
Notes: Requested by someone and it just took me ages to finish and just w/e I'm posting it here shut up
"Today, students, we will be looking at spelling!" Excalibur paused, as if expecting a cheer of some kind. Instead, the members of DDD High's literature class (the only one since the other lit professor mysteriously died after sharing tea with Professor Excalibur) continued to chatter amon themselves. Excalibur's eyes narrowed and the chatter was punctuated with a cry of pain from Kaito Kuroba, who had been struck square in the forehead with a piece of chalk.
"FOOLS!"
Everyone fell silent, except for Kaito's disgruntled mumbling.
"Now, as I was saying - you know, this puts me in mind of my youth. As I recall, I attended a class such as this. The lecturer was Merlin himself and I took over the teaching after I disproved one of his ridiculous hypotheses regarding the Extrapolation of Intermolecular Tea Blending -"
Someone raised a hand and Terra interrupted nervously. "Um, professor, you were... talking about spelling?"
He blinked at her once or twice, apparently trying to regain the thread of what he'd been saying before. "Ah, indeed, you are correct! Spelling! Something that all literature students should be aware of, and familiar with!" He began to pace back and forth, twirling his cane like a cheerleader. (Incidentally, Rufus Shinra had been the one to teach him how to do it, though the other cheerleaders, Hakuba prominent aming them, had been unsuccessful in getting Excalibur to try on a cheerleader outfit, much less put pants on.)
"So, let us begin with this word: baka!"
Nobody said anything until Sulu put his hand up. "Excuse me, professor?"
Excalibur stopped pacing. "Admirable manners! What is it?"
"This is an... English literature class, right?"
"Indeed!"
"So... baka is a Japanese word, isn't it?"
"Correct!"
Sulu frowned at the professor. "Isn't that a bit odd?"
Excalibur didn't reply and just stared at Sulu, who stared back at Excalibur, who continued to stare back at Sulu and they went on in this way for at least a minute. Eventually, Sulu rolled his eyes and conceded with, "Never mind, sir."
If Excalibur had a visible mouth, he would have been beaming. "Excellent!" He took up position in the middle of the teaching area, cane planted in front of him. "Now, to begin! Baka is indeed a simple word to spell but I will give you a good way to remember it! The first letter is 'b'! This is memorable because 'b' stands for -"
"Boring." Azula had muttered the word but it was clearly audible what with the acoustics. Excalibur was speechless for a moment, which was an achievement in itself. Naturally, his uncharacteristic silence did not last long.
"You there!" He pointed the cane at her, looking as if he might quite like to stab her with it.
"What?"
"Principal's office, immediately!"
"But -"
"And take these with you! You are to read them cover to cover!" From apparently nowhere he whipped out three books, entitled Excalibur, Excalibur: The 1001st Clause and Teatime with Excalibur: A Biography. He held them out as Azula made her way down, snatched them from the professor and stormed out. As soon as she'd slammed the door behind her, Excalibur bounced straight back into his lesson.
"Now, as I was saying! The letter 'b'! It stands for 'brilliant', which is just one of a multitude of words that can be used to describe me!" He ignored the groans from every member of the class. "To continue! We come to the second letter, the letter 'a'!" He stopped for a moment, perhaps waiting for another outburst so he could sentence another student to reading his books but the pupils had learnt their lesson. "'A' stands for amazing! Another word that you could apply to me!"
He was getting into his stride now, to judge from the way he kept hopping happily from one foot to the other and swinging that cane about. "Next, we have 'k'! This stands for..." He broke off. Apparently he hadn't quite thought that far ahead. He turned his back on the class - those at the sides could see him flicking feverishly through a dictionary. He turned back suddenly and exclaimed: "Kingly!"
"Professor, surely that doesn't apply to you? If anyone, it'd apply to King Arthur." Karen's cool logic was completely lost on Excalibur who was far too pleased with his new adjective to bother listening.
"Now, finally, we come to 'a' again! Listen carefully! To remember the last letter in 'baka', you may think of me, and remember that I am, above all things, awe-inspiring!"
The silliness of this final statement threw just about everyone in the room. Somehow, none of them had the heart to point out that 'awe-inspiring' was cheating, really.