i'm backkkk
so, it's been approximately two full years since i last posted in this thing.
I can't even begin to say how much has happened.... looking back on these entries, i realized how emo i truly was back in the day.
and how much i wanted to find real love.
well, i found it.
...and i then lost it.
and that's just the way things go.
it's okay now, i mean, i've accepted that i can't make people see things from my shoes. they have to want to.
ya know, it's all a lot like faith. you don't have to believe anything, but it's up to you whether you're going to or not.
i guess i've kind of turned to god alot lately as a way of figuring out my feelings. i've come to learn that you can't hold grudges against people, even when you really dislike want to. you have to learn to forgive even those who don't deserve to be forgiven. even when it hurts everyday.. to see two people you thought cared about you, go about their business like you never meant anything to them. i can't change that, all i can do is continue to live my life and hope that maybe someday they will see how their actions affect other people.
i digress... i've just been thinking a lot about myself as a person lately, i really cannot wait to be out of high school, out of this town, out of this house. there are a lot of things that i regret in my life, and i'm just trying to patch things up. i wish people were more embracing. i wish they accepted my desire to become a better person. truthfully, i am counting down the days until i can start over with new people. i am hoping that college will bring me exactly what i've been waiting for, that maybe all this high school drama will just fade away.
that's one thing that hasn't changed. a few entries ago, a few years ago, i said that i was sick of high school drama.
well, it still exists. i am almost 18 years old, and it still exists. it is beyond me how people are seriously so stupid about the dumbest shit. i've had drinks poured on me, i've been bitched at in online conversations, and i've been stabbed in the back by sooooo many two-faced girls. as a matter of fact, i know 100% that i am "friends" with more than five people that actually hate me.
i wish people could just stop trying so hard. i can see right through everything you do, and it will catch up with you. like honestly, if you think in the real world people actually care that brad called jennifer who called allison a whore. you are ridiculous. the term whore is ridiculous in itself. like, i am so sick of reputations. if you don't know someone, don't judge them. god, if people just stopped judging and spreading rumors life would be so much easier. think of how much effort we waste making assumptions and spreading rumors. just be confident in yourself, you don't need to bring other people down to look good.
but it's true, and i love this quote: "people will always talk about you, you might as well give them something to talk about"
live life for you. get remembered for doing something good. sure, give people something to talk about. but don't stand in the corner while everyone else is out dancing.
i know, i sound like a broken record. but i've just learned so much about life the past year. i've been through a lot of shit. good, and bad. a lot of death. a lot of sadness, but a lot of good times too. i've surrounded myself with a few good people and really, cut out the bad things in my life. sounds simple enough.... all you really need are a few good friends in life, it's so true.
god, reading all these entries.....i actually feel stupid for wishing that i could "fall in love." all the things i thought love were, are not true. movie style romances come with movie style endings, and pictures thrown at you through a car window. yeah... i wish i could say that the perfect guy exists, but nobody's perfect. it's about finding someone who loves you for all the reasons you aren't perfect. love is someone who cares about you, someone who gets you as a person. all that romantic stuff, if the basis is there, it will come naturally.
yeah, i'm still a sucker for jewelry, flowers, and a sweet guitar solo.. but, i just want a boy who cares about me, imperfections and all.
all this inspirational stuff aside, life is great.
school.. sucks. but.......i got into college, SUNY CORTLAND HERE I COME!
home-life's so-so. but hey, only a few more months.
friend life... i still have mandy. and i don't know what i would do without her.
boy-life... taken and loving it, too early to tell where things are going to go....but good, very good. =)
yeah.
until tomorrow,
peace,love&happiness<3
I can't even begin to say how much has happened.... looking back on these entries, i realized how emo i truly was back in the day.
and how much i wanted to find real love.
well, i found it.
...and i then lost it.
and that's just the way things go.
it's okay now, i mean, i've accepted that i can't make people see things from my shoes. they have to want to.
ya know, it's all a lot like faith. you don't have to believe anything, but it's up to you whether you're going to or not.
i guess i've kind of turned to god alot lately as a way of figuring out my feelings. i've come to learn that you can't hold grudges against people, even when you really dislike want to. you have to learn to forgive even those who don't deserve to be forgiven. even when it hurts everyday.. to see two people you thought cared about you, go about their business like you never meant anything to them. i can't change that, all i can do is continue to live my life and hope that maybe someday they will see how their actions affect other people.
i digress... i've just been thinking a lot about myself as a person lately, i really cannot wait to be out of high school, out of this town, out of this house. there are a lot of things that i regret in my life, and i'm just trying to patch things up. i wish people were more embracing. i wish they accepted my desire to become a better person. truthfully, i am counting down the days until i can start over with new people. i am hoping that college will bring me exactly what i've been waiting for, that maybe all this high school drama will just fade away.
that's one thing that hasn't changed. a few entries ago, a few years ago, i said that i was sick of high school drama.
well, it still exists. i am almost 18 years old, and it still exists. it is beyond me how people are seriously so stupid about the dumbest shit. i've had drinks poured on me, i've been bitched at in online conversations, and i've been stabbed in the back by sooooo many two-faced girls. as a matter of fact, i know 100% that i am "friends" with more than five people that actually hate me.
i wish people could just stop trying so hard. i can see right through everything you do, and it will catch up with you. like honestly, if you think in the real world people actually care that brad called jennifer who called allison a whore. you are ridiculous. the term whore is ridiculous in itself. like, i am so sick of reputations. if you don't know someone, don't judge them. god, if people just stopped judging and spreading rumors life would be so much easier. think of how much effort we waste making assumptions and spreading rumors. just be confident in yourself, you don't need to bring other people down to look good.
but it's true, and i love this quote: "people will always talk about you, you might as well give them something to talk about"
live life for you. get remembered for doing something good. sure, give people something to talk about. but don't stand in the corner while everyone else is out dancing.
i know, i sound like a broken record. but i've just learned so much about life the past year. i've been through a lot of shit. good, and bad. a lot of death. a lot of sadness, but a lot of good times too. i've surrounded myself with a few good people and really, cut out the bad things in my life. sounds simple enough.... all you really need are a few good friends in life, it's so true.
god, reading all these entries.....i actually feel stupid for wishing that i could "fall in love." all the things i thought love were, are not true. movie style romances come with movie style endings, and pictures thrown at you through a car window. yeah... i wish i could say that the perfect guy exists, but nobody's perfect. it's about finding someone who loves you for all the reasons you aren't perfect. love is someone who cares about you, someone who gets you as a person. all that romantic stuff, if the basis is there, it will come naturally.
yeah, i'm still a sucker for jewelry, flowers, and a sweet guitar solo.. but, i just want a boy who cares about me, imperfections and all.
all this inspirational stuff aside, life is great.
school.. sucks. but.......i got into college, SUNY CORTLAND HERE I COME!
home-life's so-so. but hey, only a few more months.
friend life... i still have mandy. and i don't know what i would do without her.
boy-life... taken and loving it, too early to tell where things are going to go....but good, very good. =)
yeah.
until tomorrow,
peace,love&happiness<3