Crush
What has happened to me? Have I changed so much over these years that I can no longer express weakness or vulnerability? Has living behind walls made me into a coward? Was I ever a free spirit? Why am I trying to pose as an intellectual, when most of the time I feel like I'm having trouble pulling off a convincing act as a human?
I met with someone I had a crush on years ago. I didn't speak to them at all back then, because I only sought those who had gone through the same tribulations I had gone through, those who wouldn't insist I change my ways, those who would brush off my probable death in my reckless adventures with scarcely a tear. I wanted to live without hurting anyone, and I knew, I just knew I'd hurt my crush with everything I was and everything I was doing. In short, I didn't know life, just that dream of risking my life in order not to risk anything else.
Everything was wrong- I'm not like everyone else, I don't react to things how everyone else does. When I dated someone who had grown up in a way similar to mine, it didn't take long for cracks to appear. They asked what was wrong with themselves, even though I'd told them I was different, but the questions kept persisting. Why can't they brush past these incidents, why do they still feel the pain, why do they need to take medication to function, why can't they be like me. I am a terrible mirror where the reflection doesn't do what it is supposed to, telling people their life is like a horror movie.
So now we are talking about our lives, my crush and I. I'm scared of hoping this person will fall in love with me and I'm also scared this person will fall in love with me. Can I not let people down?
I met with someone I had a crush on years ago. I didn't speak to them at all back then, because I only sought those who had gone through the same tribulations I had gone through, those who wouldn't insist I change my ways, those who would brush off my probable death in my reckless adventures with scarcely a tear. I wanted to live without hurting anyone, and I knew, I just knew I'd hurt my crush with everything I was and everything I was doing. In short, I didn't know life, just that dream of risking my life in order not to risk anything else.
Everything was wrong- I'm not like everyone else, I don't react to things how everyone else does. When I dated someone who had grown up in a way similar to mine, it didn't take long for cracks to appear. They asked what was wrong with themselves, even though I'd told them I was different, but the questions kept persisting. Why can't they brush past these incidents, why do they still feel the pain, why do they need to take medication to function, why can't they be like me. I am a terrible mirror where the reflection doesn't do what it is supposed to, telling people their life is like a horror movie.
So now we are talking about our lives, my crush and I. I'm scared of hoping this person will fall in love with me and I'm also scared this person will fall in love with me. Can I not let people down?