And then i thought I had scabies...
I once got crabs from a mattress I bought off of Craigslist....went to pick it up at a storage facility in East New York. I also bought a TV and my biggest regret was not buying this crazy painting of some Jack the Ripper looking walkway on a river that had actual lights in the light posts in the painting. Ok my biggest regret was thinking Scotchgard would "clean" a mattress.
I was in the woods everyday as a kid and got chiggers often and in very terrible, horrible places. I once got chiggers from my baby goat, Cubby. She was named after my favorite Gummy Bear. Fleas tend to take over when your pet dies and there's nowhere left for them to hide. And I eventually caught bedbugs years after my collective managed to survive Williamsburg's "bedbug summer". I mean, what can you do when your roommate swaps residencies with a suicidal alcoholic schizophrenic. You just take it into your own hands...a story for another time, but sufice to say the exterminator showed up 3 hours late, drunk, and then told me stories of him growing up around the corner and getting shit a bunch of times in the lot across the street. Imagine the attitude I caught when I scheduled the next appointment and said um, please don't send the same guy. Very angrily..."Are you trying to tell me my employee showed up drunk!!!??" Um yeah, drunk and 3 hours late thanks! Ugh.
I thought I had long been done with petulance. Well until the scabies incident that I have dubbed "Who the fuck is Poison Ivy!"