It's an illusion, i don't care
Sometimes I feel really superficial, and it comforts me. If I can just look in the mirror and obsess over my makeup for an hour and trying to look perfect I feel totally relaxed. It's like when I get ready for a rave, I take hours to get my hair just right with my cyberlox and dreadfalls or yarn falls. And for what? I'm not trying to impress anyone, but it makes me feel good. I'm really only trying to impress myself. When people stare at me, I get offended. Dressing like this is normal to me. And no, I don't think i'm pretty most of the time. And I don't want you to tell me that you think I am or whatever. I just don't like to hear it. Now, I don't want to be insulted, but complimenting me feels like an insult. People lie to me all the time, I just can't trust anyone. I wonder how much longer this is gonna go on for... If i don't fix my life within the next few months I'll be completely screwed for the rest of my life. I know what I want and need to do, but for some reason I just don't do it. I used to be so motivated and driven.... what happened? Now, the only thing I worry about is if my dread falls are even or if I have anymore eyeliner. I used to be able to balance out my priorities. I could dress up and still do school and work. I've been on this downward spiral for a while now. I'm just wondering when I'm just going to finally get up.