Hoboken
*follows Mandy into his room, tossing his coat in the direction of the desk chair*
I'll be right out. *doesn't wait for her response as he walks past her and slips into the bathroom*
*shuts the door hard, the weight of his body leaning against it*
*closes his eyes and arches his head back, the hairs on the back of his skull catching slightly on the surface of the wood*
Number three. *slides his arm over the wall until his wrist hits the light switch, the glow of the bulb apparent through his eyelids.* Three sets of excuses, each as empty as the one before it. And marking the way for the ones to come. *messes that hand through his hair and opens his eyes to face the room in front of him*
*turns on the tap and waits for the water to run cold, swiping his fingers beneath the stream to test its temperature*
*stares into the mirror, the words from his and Mandy's conversation not fifteen minutes prior running through his head*
*mouths the words to his reflection, trying to imagine what Mandy's sees with every excuse and half truth*
Is this who I've turned into? Someone who hides behind contemplative looks making impossible suggestions of waiting for something better, something worthwhile? Anything besides the near perfect houses we've seen. Perfect for all but one reason. *grips the edge of the sink, the light spray of water barely hitting his arms as he leans over the basin* Who am I trying to deceive? Each one of those homes has been beyond perfect. The sort of houses my mum used to joke about owning if only we had 'a little more money on the table'. They're just the right match for the houses Mandy has talked about in conversations most likely long forgotten by her. Voicing my dislike for each one is like personally telling her one of her dreams is off. If only she knew it was just a small fraction of the everything I've ever wanted for her. And a lot more than I could ever offer her on my own.
*reaches out to rub away a smudge on the mirror, accomplishing little more than making it lighter but larger* And today was just another step in the wrong direction.
As soon as I read the information on the house, my mind was made up. *scoffs at his reflection* I couldn't tell her though; instead I took the coward's route and played along - telling her everything but the absolute truth. As much as it hurts to see the doubt and suspicion peeking through in her eyes, I have to believe that the alternative would be worse.
*cups his hands under the water, ducking his head down and splashing the collected water over his face*
I can't even look her in the eye as the agents guide us from one room to another. In my mind they're all the same - wrong. She knows. It's the intelligence I love in her so much. The more than seven years we've had together. A person doesn't love you as much as I know she loves me without knowing when something's not right. The way she holds herself and the tone she uses when trying to find alternatives for each flaw I point out speak volumes.
*grabs a towel for the rack and wipes off the water that hasn't dripped onto his shirt or back into the drain*
*checks mirror as he drags the cloth down, away from his eyes, hoping for even the smallest change in the person he sees*
I only wish I could be consciously as open as she unknowingly is. *tilts his head* Perhaps I already can? Maybe soon is the time to make my move and stop waiting for her to take the first step?
*turns off the water and returns the towel, checking the mirror one final time as he attempts to form a mask over his emotions*
*whispers* Soon... *hits the light switch and waits a few beats in the dark before stepping through the door*
I'll be right out. *doesn't wait for her response as he walks past her and slips into the bathroom*
*shuts the door hard, the weight of his body leaning against it*
*closes his eyes and arches his head back, the hairs on the back of his skull catching slightly on the surface of the wood*
Number three. *slides his arm over the wall until his wrist hits the light switch, the glow of the bulb apparent through his eyelids.* Three sets of excuses, each as empty as the one before it. And marking the way for the ones to come. *messes that hand through his hair and opens his eyes to face the room in front of him*
*turns on the tap and waits for the water to run cold, swiping his fingers beneath the stream to test its temperature*
*stares into the mirror, the words from his and Mandy's conversation not fifteen minutes prior running through his head*
*mouths the words to his reflection, trying to imagine what Mandy's sees with every excuse and half truth*
Is this who I've turned into? Someone who hides behind contemplative looks making impossible suggestions of waiting for something better, something worthwhile? Anything besides the near perfect houses we've seen. Perfect for all but one reason. *grips the edge of the sink, the light spray of water barely hitting his arms as he leans over the basin* Who am I trying to deceive? Each one of those homes has been beyond perfect. The sort of houses my mum used to joke about owning if only we had 'a little more money on the table'. They're just the right match for the houses Mandy has talked about in conversations most likely long forgotten by her. Voicing my dislike for each one is like personally telling her one of her dreams is off. If only she knew it was just a small fraction of the everything I've ever wanted for her. And a lot more than I could ever offer her on my own.
*reaches out to rub away a smudge on the mirror, accomplishing little more than making it lighter but larger* And today was just another step in the wrong direction.
As soon as I read the information on the house, my mind was made up. *scoffs at his reflection* I couldn't tell her though; instead I took the coward's route and played along - telling her everything but the absolute truth. As much as it hurts to see the doubt and suspicion peeking through in her eyes, I have to believe that the alternative would be worse.
*cups his hands under the water, ducking his head down and splashing the collected water over his face*
I can't even look her in the eye as the agents guide us from one room to another. In my mind they're all the same - wrong. She knows. It's the intelligence I love in her so much. The more than seven years we've had together. A person doesn't love you as much as I know she loves me without knowing when something's not right. The way she holds herself and the tone she uses when trying to find alternatives for each flaw I point out speak volumes.
*grabs a towel for the rack and wipes off the water that hasn't dripped onto his shirt or back into the drain*
*checks mirror as he drags the cloth down, away from his eyes, hoping for even the smallest change in the person he sees*
I only wish I could be consciously as open as she unknowingly is. *tilts his head* Perhaps I already can? Maybe soon is the time to make my move and stop waiting for her to take the first step?
*turns off the water and returns the towel, checking the mirror one final time as he attempts to form a mask over his emotions*
*whispers* Soon... *hits the light switch and waits a few beats in the dark before stepping through the door*