I suspect tallybonkers
So I started reading xlormp last month, which is unquestionably brilliant and proves just how incredibly dull and stupid and poorly written Twilight is while being several million times more entertaining than the actual book upon which it is based (the book written with words, printed on paper, and bound together with ... book binding stuff [read xlormp and you'll understand]). Anyway, today the first chapter of the New Moon parody was posted. I've never read New Moon, because Twilight was so boring and unintriguing and pointless and predictable and stupid, and so little actually ever happened in it, that I actually had negative desire to find out what, if indeed anything, happened to bitchy Bella and eerie Edward next. But the first chapter of the xlormp version of New Moon is so funny, it actually kind of did make me want to read the original, just so I could laugh at the stupidity some more. So I downloaded the first part of the New Moon audiobook this afternoon.
That was a mistake. An hour and a half later, I finally came to my senses and turned it off. Seriously, for being so stupid and boring, those books are scarily addictive. (I have to say, I did love when Bella said something like, "I'm not very interesting." I was like, "Oh, sweetie, I couldn't agree more!") I suspect the tallybonkers are behind it, to be honest. Maybe the brains of idiots taste better. I mean, they were after Frig. (Seriously, just read xlormp already!)
But seriously, Edward and Bella are ridiculous! I loved when Edward was going on and on for way too long to properly hold my attention (learn some pacing, Stephanie, seriously!) about how he went all suicidal back in the first book, and Bella freaked out, and he said something like, "Well I wasn't going to live without you," and then rolled his eyes or something. Umm, okay, you creepy idiot! Sorry I didn't realize how stupid it is to not let my entire life be defined and wrapped up in another person. (But actually, if you ever do reconsider the suicide thing, I'm more than happy to assist you. Just throwing that out there.) And then Bella angsted forever about how much she hates gifts and the fact that people, you know, actually love and care about her and want to celebrate her life. Wow, I never realized before how much being cared about sucks! Thank god I have Twilight to put my life into proper perspective!
[Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go slit my wrists and paint black tears on my cheeks. I just realized I have too many friends and, indeed, birthday and Christmas gifts from said friends, to be properly happy with my life.]
That was a mistake. An hour and a half later, I finally came to my senses and turned it off. Seriously, for being so stupid and boring, those books are scarily addictive. (I have to say, I did love when Bella said something like, "I'm not very interesting." I was like, "Oh, sweetie, I couldn't agree more!") I suspect the tallybonkers are behind it, to be honest. Maybe the brains of idiots taste better. I mean, they were after Frig. (Seriously, just read xlormp already!)
But seriously, Edward and Bella are ridiculous! I loved when Edward was going on and on for way too long to properly hold my attention (learn some pacing, Stephanie, seriously!) about how he went all suicidal back in the first book, and Bella freaked out, and he said something like, "Well I wasn't going to live without you," and then rolled his eyes or something. Umm, okay, you creepy idiot! Sorry I didn't realize how stupid it is to not let my entire life be defined and wrapped up in another person. (But actually, if you ever do reconsider the suicide thing, I'm more than happy to assist you. Just throwing that out there.) And then Bella angsted forever about how much she hates gifts and the fact that people, you know, actually love and care about her and want to celebrate her life. Wow, I never realized before how much being cared about sucks! Thank god I have Twilight to put my life into proper perspective!
[Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go slit my wrists and paint black tears on my cheeks. I just realized I have too many friends and, indeed, birthday and Christmas gifts from said friends, to be properly happy with my life.]