“Which was odd because, on the whole, it wasn’t the small, green pieces of paper that were unhappy.”
So I have this job doing insurance billing. I’ve had it for about a year now, though I’m getting laid off next month. A computer is replacing me. This is fine, because while it’s an okay job, it’s not the greatest. I mean, it’s kind of tedious. Anyway, recently I’ve also taken to babysitting every Wednesday morning.
This is a really fantastic job. It’s for this guy, Mark, who watches his niece’s 18-month-old son, Braydon, while she’s at work (his wife works too; Mark’s like a stay-at-home dad). Anyway, Mark has a 7-year-old son, Scott, and on Wednesday mornings he likes to volunteer in Scott’s classroom, but he can’t do that and watch Braydon. That's where I come in. On Wednesday’s I watch Braydon from 9:00-noon. It's really wonderful! Braydon and I watch Dora the Explorer, then Go Diego, Go! (this and Dora are the most hideous shows ever! I am so annoyed watching them), then Blue’s Clues (can I just say that no amount of money could induce me to be Joe), then The Backyardigans (which is fully the best show on Nick Jr! Why wasn’t it on when I was a kid?).... Anyway, usually in the middle of The Backyardigans Braydon falls asleep. Then I do Sudoku for an hour or so, and then Mark comes back and I go home. The best part of this job, however, is the fact that Mark pays me $20 an hour (here in Irvine the going rate is $10)! Not only that, he pays me in cash! So every Wednesday, at around 12:15, we pull up in front of my house, and he reaches inside his wallet and pulls out three $20 bills, and hands them to me, and we say goodbye until the next week. Well, last week he came back at 12, as usual, and Braydon was asleep, as usual, and Mark turns to me and goes, “Do you like filing?” And I was like, “Um, it’s okay.” The truth is, I hate filing, but I can endure a lot (not being on Blue’s Clues, but still, a lot) for $20 an hour. So then he explained to me about how he bought these big notebook things that hold DVDs, and how much room they save, rather than leaving the DVDs in their cases, but that the problem was that now he and Scott could never find the DVD they were looking for. So, if I could come over and alphabetize the DVDs sometime, that would be great. I was like, “Oh, well Monday works for me.” So we arranged for Monday at 9:00.
So today I went over there. Now here’s what I’m thinking. “Oh, alphabetize DVDs. That’ll take one hour, two at most.” This is because I am thinking in terms of my DVDs (actually, I could probably alphabetize my DVDs in half-an-hour, but whatever). Now, I know there are a lot of DVDs in the world. I know this, because I go to Blockbuster, and I’ve seen them. What didn’t occur to me when I agreed to alphabetize Mark’s DVDs is that he could open and run his own, very successful Blockbuster right in his home. So I’m sitting there, alphabetizing these DVDs, and any moment I’m expecting someone to walk in and ask me if I can please direct them to the Comedy section, or tell them how to obtain a membership card. Picture, if you will, 21 inches, over a foot and a half of discs in a stack. That’s how many DVDs there were. I mean, there were DVDs I didn’t even know existed! And random DVDs, DVDs you wouldn’t expect a family with only a son to have. DVDs like Princess Diaries 2 and Freaky Friday. And after I alphabetize them, and put them in seven of these gigando notebooks, with dividers between letters, and write down every DVD in every notebook, in order, on a piece of paper and put it in the front of each notebook (and you do realize that the moment they buy a new DVD this entire system will be ruined), I come to find out that these are just Scott’s DVDs! A seven-year-old has over a foot and a half of DVDs! What is up with that? And next week I get to alphabetize Mark and Gail’s DVDs. What I want to know is, who has $120 to give to some 16-year-old to organize their DVDs while they play video games with their son? Seriously, that’s what they were doing while I was alphabetizing: playing video games! Who has that kind of money? Who??? Not that I’m complaining. I mean, I got 60 bucks today.
Oh wait, that’s fake money though, isn’t it?....
As it turns out, knowing the meaning of life doesn’t actually make you happier. In fact, I’d say the opposite is true. I think I’ll just forget it.
Because I can get $60-worth of stuff now.
Ha! Take that, Econ!