Hells Bells
I think I am getting too invovoled in this. I am feeling too much. He is not in this the way that I am. I know this. I need to mentally adjust to this. I know he is looking for fun. And nothing more than that. I have to decide if thats something that I am going to be ok with.....but I have decided that I really do want something serious. Too settle down. Wow me settle down. I dont want to date a whole bunch of people; I just want to find some that loves me endlessly. And I dont think thats him. He doesnt want to settle down. He wants to just run around and have a lot of fun. Which is fine if thats what hes wanting, whatever makes him happy. I think that I just need to mentally prepare myself for the fact that if anything does happen.....its not going to be serious. What suchs is I have that serious guy, the real guy, the commited guy, the guy that would settle down with me. And I do really care about him. A part of me does love him in my own way.....Im just so stuck on the past and cant let it go. Such a dumb decision. The biggest thing that gets me is a night when I lay down to sleep I know who is on my mind, always running through it. And I can never be in a relationship with anyone...when my mind is always settleing on someone else. He is the one that I love, always has been. I fear that I love him more and Im scared I will want to much for him.