Quick! Beta help?

[trinityofone]

This morning I had a last-minute crisis of faith about my undermistletoe story; I didn't like--didn't quite believe--the version I had written, so I, uh, re-wrote it. I have to post it in a couple of hours; would anybody be willing to quickly look over both versions of the story and tell me whether or not I'm being crazy? I'd really appreciate it.

Also, can somebody tell me: according to Sheppard's "official" bio, was his father supposed to be a general or a colonel?