My Mom's gay sex-ed
darcydodo recently said: "I've never seen your family in insane-mode. But wow, apparently they can go there!" You better believe it! A conversation from last night:
trinityofone's family is peacefully eating dinner at her favorite Greek restaurant, The Great Greek. Suddenly, her mom cracks up.
Everyone Else: What? What's so funny?
Mom: Oh, I just remembered something.
EE: What?
Mom: (giggling) Allez vous foutre chez les Grecs.
EE: Huh?
Mom: It means (giggle) 'Go get fucked at the Greeks.'
EE: Ah.
Mom: But it really means, go get fucked up the...
She mouths the word 'ass.' Dad starts looking distinctly uncomfortable.
Mom: But you know, I've never really gotten that, you know? Homosexuality.
trinityofone: What?
Mom: Homosexuality. I don't get it.
trinityofone: How can you not get it?
Mom: It just, you know...
Dad gets up to use the bathroom.
Mom: Okay, now I can talk freely. It just seems painful.
Brother: Aaah! I'm not listening!
trinityofone: Painful?
Mom: Yes. The act itself.
Brother: Not listening not listening not listening!
trinityofone: Ahh.
Now at this point, I should have just let it go. Now was not the time to say, "Well, actually Mom, according to a lot of what I read on the internet..." But could I let it go? No. No, of course not.
trinityofone: You know, there are things.
Mom: Things?
trinityofone: Things. To make it, you know, pleasurable.
Mom: (for the benefit of the entire restaurant) You mean LUBRICANTS?
trinityofone: Yes, but also, you know, the...prostate.
Brother: Shut up shut up shut up!
Mom: OUCH! ...And how do you know all this, anyway?
trinityofone: Er. Well, I have gay friends and we, uh, talk...
Mom: I have gay friends, too, and we certainly didn't talk about anything like that.
trinityofone: Well, uh, it's kind of a new era now, you know.
It is indeed. Luckily, my dad could only spend so long in the bathroom, and I managed to escape. But the lesson here is: if your mom says something weird to you in French, don't ask her to translate. Or maybe it's "Don't say the word 'prostate' at the dinner table." I'm not sure.
trinityofone's family is peacefully eating dinner at her favorite Greek restaurant, The Great Greek. Suddenly, her mom cracks up.
Everyone Else: What? What's so funny?
Mom: Oh, I just remembered something.
EE: What?
Mom: (giggling) Allez vous foutre chez les Grecs.
EE: Huh?
Mom: It means (giggle) 'Go get fucked at the Greeks.'
EE: Ah.
Mom: But it really means, go get fucked up the...
She mouths the word 'ass.' Dad starts looking distinctly uncomfortable.
Mom: But you know, I've never really gotten that, you know? Homosexuality.
trinityofone: What?
Mom: Homosexuality. I don't get it.
trinityofone: How can you not get it?
Mom: It just, you know...
Dad gets up to use the bathroom.
Mom: Okay, now I can talk freely. It just seems painful.
Brother: Aaah! I'm not listening!
trinityofone: Painful?
Mom: Yes. The act itself.
Brother: Not listening not listening not listening!
trinityofone: Ahh.
Now at this point, I should have just let it go. Now was not the time to say, "Well, actually Mom, according to a lot of what I read on the internet..." But could I let it go? No. No, of course not.
trinityofone: You know, there are things.
Mom: Things?
trinityofone: Things. To make it, you know, pleasurable.
Mom: (for the benefit of the entire restaurant) You mean LUBRICANTS?
trinityofone: Yes, but also, you know, the...prostate.
Brother: Shut up shut up shut up!
Mom: OUCH! ...And how do you know all this, anyway?
trinityofone: Er. Well, I have gay friends and we, uh, talk...
Mom: I have gay friends, too, and we certainly didn't talk about anything like that.
trinityofone: Well, uh, it's kind of a new era now, you know.
It is indeed. Luckily, my dad could only spend so long in the bathroom, and I managed to escape. But the lesson here is: if your mom says something weird to you in French, don't ask her to translate. Or maybe it's "Don't say the word 'prostate' at the dinner table." I'm not sure.